Can't Imagine Me Without Him!

Good day Aunty Amara,

I had a fight with my roommate in school when I was in ND and had to start living alone. I met a guy on Eskimi (a chatting app) and we got talking, at that moment I had someone I was dating but due to gap in communication, I gave up on him and started a relationship with this guy.

At first he was dedicated towards my studies helping me with my courses and assignments. It was easy for him because we were studying the same course though he was already in his HND.

I hail from Edo and he is from Ibadan, I'm a Christian and he is Muslim. He told me his dad is Muslim and mum Christian, and definitely he wouldn't have a problem marrying a Christian.

I lost my father many years ago and my mum has been there for all of us. I have shop even before starting school by my mum and sister's shop, and definitely while am away they assist me.

Overtime and since I was staying alone he put up with me and we started cohabiting. I have always tried to be upright and hardworking, I go to my business every weekend.

He eats my food and I give him money, he always believed that I have and never gave me anything money. I was determined in my mind that the man that deflowers me his the one I'll get married to.

I allowed him have his way with me and I got committed. I did everything to satisfy him in order not to lose him. There was a mosque near my house, and I started learning Arabic and Muslim ways of praying. Although he was not insistent I must be a Muslim but I wanted to show him how much I can give for love. I told my mum I'm going out with a Muslim and she frowned at it asking whether Christians have finished in the whole world. Later she became indifferent and asked me to tread carefully.

Last year, he was called up for NYSC and was posted to Kogi State, about the same time I finished my OND. I put more energy in my business and I am doing well. I was living with my mum and he told me it won't be proper for him to come visiting if I still live there. So I decided to take a self contained. He told me he has no money to call and I called him regularly using up to N3,000 sometime per call.

Later he told me he is sick that he needed money,  and I was sending in money in tranches of ₦5,000 and sometimes ₦10,000 and ₦20,000. If I told him I'm broke he will say it's not possible and if I should tell him I'm hungry he will tell me to go and eat.

He went to see his mum at Ibadan and came to see me in Osun, he spent up to two weeks. I asked him to come see my mum and sister at the shop but he refused by saying it is not normal in Yoruba tradition for him to go like this without putting on Ankara clothe. I told my two younger sisters not to disclose that he is around to my mum.

Later he left for Kogi. After not hearing from him for three days I called him and he claimed he was sick. He called me one day that he wants to end the relationship that he wants to move on and I should move on also.

Ma, I can't remove the memories of time shared and I can't even imagine me without him, I'm confused! Also, I don't feel free to talk to him sometimes about what I'm going through and what I feel like. He knows me inside out. Please help me as I'm not sure I can move on without him.

As I read through your mail, I anticipated a break up because from his attitude it was obvious that he was never in love with you but in love with all that he wanted to gain from you. He was attracted to your money and your body, and knowing that you so much loved him to the point of denying your convictions was what gave him the upper hand to crush you emotionally. 

I know that you are deeply in pain, but this could be God's way of redeeming you from a disaster you call love. I know that you genuinely wanted to marry him and pay the prize for your love for him.

You have a beautiful heart and a genuine intention for your relationship and for him, but the challenge was that you were building a ship without the one who made you. You embarked on a journey of unknown without even inviting God into your journey. You wanted to fix this relationship and make it work forgetting that if God is not the architect, your structure will most definitely crash any moment. 

Maybe this was God's way of removing that which you cherish most, so that you can return to him and renew your fellowship with him. Maybe this was God's way of equipping you with virtues of wisdom so that you will learn not to use your resources and your body to keep a man but to trust Him wholly to bless you with your own husband. 

Whether you can live without him is what I am so convinced about, because he was never the one who created you, never the one who blessed you, and he is never the one who sustained you against all odds. 

If you feel like crying or weeping, please feel free, but do not lose your hope and faith in God. You may never understand why this is happening to you but there is a purpose for which you are experiencing what you are experiencing at this moment of your journey. It maybe horrible and devastating but there is a beautiful future at the end of the gloomy moments in your journey. 

This is the time to look up to God and pour your heart on him, surrender everything to him, and allow him to heal your heart of this disappointment and pain. 

You are absolutely free to talk to me and share your thoughts with me. You will be better with time, and I assure you that there is a glory ahead of this painful experience.