Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I Feel Manipulated into This Marriage!

Good afternoon ma, may God bless you for the good work you have been doing in the lives of people, may God bless you.
This is my first time of writing to you but please bear with me because my write up may be lengthy and please I need your advice.
I'm 27 and my husband is 38. I met him around April
last year on Facebook. We got talking, coincidentally we happened to come from the same town in the village and he is a cousin to a family friend, also he was nice and calm, our temperament was compatible. Though our dating was a short one, during the course of our dating period I asked him how old he was he told me 34 years.
Three months later he came and paid my bride price though it was on a low key. During our preparation for the white wedding, I got to know that my husband was actually 38 years and not 34. I felt so disappointed and confronted him, he said he forgot that was what he told me, because of that I wanted to quit but he has already paid my bride price and our wedding was about a month away, I decided to forgive him and we did our white wedding on October 2016.
Fast forward to March this year, I noticed a strange behavior from my husband as he keeps carrying his phone and being so possessive about it unlike him. I decided to spy on him and I confirmed my suspicion. There is this lady that he chats with on Facebook and deletes their conversation, he calls her on phone too. I confronted him one night and he confessed to it and begged me for forgiveness, he told me that the girl promised to help him get work in Shell company, I told him that it was all lie and we blocked the girl both on Facebook and on Whatsapp that night.
Just yesternight when I was going through my Facebook, I came across a message that same lady sent me on 28th of April though I didn't see it then, she was telling me that I should ask my husband about her, that my husband is so cheap, for my mind that I'm a married woman abi?  That my husband has been disturbing her and calling her on phone telling her that he would come to Lagos and meet her and suck her p*sy,  that I'm not good in bed and she promised to secure a job for him in Shell Lagos so he told her when he gets the job that he will leave me behind in the east and join her in Lagos and they will live happily. She also said he went as far as telling her the amount he's being paid in the banking job he is doing and that it is not enough for him.
Note that my husband has never disclosed to me how much he earns in the bank but he provides my daily needs.
I'm heavily pregnant and in my eight month, I couldn't sleep last night, I was so heartbroken but I couldn't cry, my heart is so strong and full of hatred for my husband. I'm currently serving in the east, I did a medical course but the payment in youth service is so small. I'm planning to divorce him after putting to bed and securing a good job after service because I feel so tricked into this marriage.
Please I really need your counsel and advice on what to do, I have been feeling grumpy since morning but I have not told him anything yet.

I understand how disappointed you feel with all you have already seen in your marriage and in your husband.
Please do not allow anything that's happening around you make you lose focus on your baby and your pregnancy.
The way you feel affects the health of your baby and your health too. Channel your energy on your pregnancy and prepare for the arrival of your baby.
If you can, please refrain from social media or anything that will remind you of what your husband may be doing on social media. 
Again, I don't know if it will be comfortable for you to keep this information confidential and wait until your baby has arrived before talking with your husband. If it's not possible, please do not hesitate to talk to your husband about what you read, and enquire to know what is going on between both of them.
Remember that your worries and anger will only make you unstable and irritable, and this has an impact on your health and the safety of your baby. Please do everything within your capacity to be happy and positive. Listen to good music, pray, meditate, read, and surround yourself with anyone or anything that gives you happiness in life.
When you have delivered your baby, please write to me so that we can discuss the content of the message, and how best to approach this, and salvage what is possible.
I pray for good health and safe delivery, and I pray that God will give you the wisdom and grace to manage this mess without losing your peace of mind. 

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