Monday, May 22, 2017

I'm Losing My Marriage to Infidelity!

Good day Aunty Amara, may God bless you and your family richly. Your words and encouragement has been my inspiration, may God bless you amen.
Please I am in a marriage of six years now and ever since I married my hubby, I have never trusted him, he's been a very nice and caring husband and father to me and the kids. I have been trying my best to make things work but he seems not to be helping matters.
For over two years now he's been locking his phone and if I complain with the way he protects the phone and ignore calls, he'll always tell me that he doesn't want us to be having problems over what I'll see on his phone so he prefers locking it for peace.
I've accepted and had said nothing but my mind keeps telling me to look for a way to unlock the phone so I succeeded yesterday, and lo and behold this man has been cheating on me with different ladies from all the countries he travels to, nude pictures and videos.
A girl sent him a message telling him to come and meet her somewhere, so I hired a taxi and followed him. They  went inside a bar, after getting themselves drunken, they headed to where I don't know cos the taxi that took me broke down immediately they came out of the bar.
When he came pretending he went to his brother's place because they came back together, I told him I was following him that I saw them. He wanted to deny it but he now said that can't he go to a bar for a drink again, and that got me angered. I started telling him all I've seen on his phone and he couldn't talk again.
He wants me to forgive him but I find it very difficult to, he is so caring, he said he loves me so much which I can testify to, and  has always put me first in whatever he does.
I sent one of his girlfriends a text telling her not to communicate with him again if not am going to expose their affairs. Am going to post her nude pictures on Facebook if she doesn't stop whatever she has been doing with him.
Please ma am just so tired, so confused, don't know what to do again cos I don't feel anything for him anymore. I don't even want to see him again, I want to leave him but I don't want my kids to grow up without their dad because they love him so much. Please ma what do I do? How do I handle this situation? How do I let him know that there is no secrecy as long as marriage is concerned, and that his phones must not be on code again?
I told him that if he doesn't remove the code on his phone and stop whatever he is doing, I'll not forgive him. Sorry for the long writeup ma, I just need your advice urgently cos am losing it. Thanks. 

Removing codes from his phones and making his phone accessible and available to you doesn't in any way guarantee that he will be faithful to you. 
Again, you shouldn't compromise your health because 'you want your children to grow with their father'. The consequences of a wandering third leg can be so devastating on the wife especially if he doesn't protect himself. 
As much as it is the norm to preach forgiveness, there is a need for you to have a heart to heart discussion with your husband, and decide whether you have the mental capacity to remain married to him or to walk away. 
Infidelity is not a battle of praying, improving your sexual skills and forgiving alone, there is a vital decision which your partner must make for the sake of his/her marriage. That is the part of self discipline and personal commitment to protect the health of his/her partner and until that is done, you will continue to expose yourself to sexually transmitted infections or diseases as a result of his infidelity. 
So if you cannot cope at the moment, please take a break from your marriage and take some time to meditate on the future of your marriage, and what you are battling with. Let this be a time for sober reflection and personal evaluation of your marriage. I believe that you will be able to come up with a decision on what's best for you at this point in your marriage. 
Please there is a need for you to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections by insisting on using a protection during sexual intercourse. Secondly, he needs to test for HIV/AIDS virus before allowing him to have sex without protection. 
It is only a genuine repentance from him that will make your marriage with him more comfortable and enjoyable. 
Also, I will suggest that you refrain from attacking his girlfriends because doing so is tantamount to washing your dirty linen in the public. You major enemy is your husband who contracts and contacts them for sex. And if he doesn't see anything wrong with that, your efforts will yield little or no results.

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