Monday, May 15, 2017

Where is my Hubby?

Good day  ma, God bless you for the wonderful works you are doing in the life of men and women, I need ur advice ma.
I got married December 2015 after graduating, I met my hubby through a friend of mine, hubby is based in Cameroon. We dated for six months before getting married.
During those times I never went to Cameroon to visit him, he was always giving excuses that my parents might find out I left Nigeria to visit him in Cameroon because my dad is a pastor. I never visited his family because he wasn't around but I and his family do speak on phone, even when I tried  to visit they said I should not bother that they have accepted me.
He was my ideal man even though in physical appearance he wasn't my choice, I agreed to marry him due to pressure from my parents that wanted me to marry early because I am the first daughter and the man they wanted me to marry I saw signs of domestic violence and I cut off the relationship, and decided to marry my hubby.
My problem with my hubby now is he lied to me, from claiming he was a business man that was comfortable. Even during video calls when I ask him to show me his shop, he showed me his friend's shop claiming it was his.
It all started during the traditional wedding, I told him I want a white wedding, that he should tell me his financial capability so that we will be able to plan well, we can do the traditional wedding on low key then do our white wedding well, he insisted that we will do the both very well but the only difference would be that the white wedding would have to be delayed towards the end of the year. I agreed, during those times I was still asking him about his business, he said all was well.
After the traditional wedding, he said I will stay with my parents since am preparing for NYSC, after the NYSC and the wedding I will come to Cameroon, I agreed.
Ma, after the white wedding which was October 2016 the problem started, he came down to Nigeria three days to the wedding giving flimsy excuses of how he couldn't get cash and committee of friends was delaying him. A day to the wedding he wasn't giving us any good explanation, my dad has to take money from the company's account to buy the remaining things needed for the wedding. It was later on that my hubby transferred money to my account telling me it was from committee of friends not knowing he borrowed the money.
After the wedding that night his friends started calling me to give my hubby phone, hubby switched off his phone and I didn't know how they got my number. They started threatening him to send back the money, that was when I found out he borrowed it.
We started looking for ways to pay back the money, nobody to help. Meanwhile we have already paid my dad the money he collected from the company account before they find out and saƧk him, and we settled other expenses.
Hubby go back to your place of business since you claimed you have a shop, he started giving us stories, I will go this week or next week. I have sold all my goods, I don't have any goods in the shop.
I became so worried that I had to call his friend's wife to help me  investigate about him. She later found out that my hubby was into supplies, that he doesn't have a shop but was staying in her hubby's shop which her hubby and my hubby was hiding from her all these while.
He closed his Facebook account, hardly come on WhatsApp, switches off his phone, he said he was going down to the east to see if he can get funds from friends. I went to see him during Dec because I couldn't endure it anymore, talked to him, begged him to tell me what's wrong. He told me all is well that I should not even worry.
I came back January to find out am pregnant, I told him and he was happy but the way he acted as if he wasn't excited his wife was pregnant. This is six months of my pregnancy, I have not seen my hubby. He hardly calls, even when he does it's once in a while. When I dial his number, it is always switched off. I have complained to his family several times, they told me to be patient. His mum and siblings hardly calls to know how I am faring, my parents have been the one taking care of me even though they are very disappointed. Since October hubby is in Nigeria but I don't know his whereabouts.
Recently he started sending me little money for upkeep but no communication from him, don't know what he is doing or where he is staying. I don't trust him and the love I have for him is dying daily, going for my NYSC in two weeks time. I want to leave this marriage, my mum is in support, even my dad even though he's expecting my hubby to come and give him a tangible reason why things are like this.
I have always hoped to have a successful and happy marriage with hubby whether the finances are there or not. But why will he lie to me about his business and finances? Am a very intelligent and beautiful lady who takes her time to make decisions in life when  it comes to relationships and marriage but I don't know how I went wrong with this particular man. I am married but single, ma please help me, he's also in this forum.
God bless you ma. 

Forgive me for going against your wish not to post this, I feel that if your husband is in this forum and he is punishing you in this manner, it is both painful and devastating. And for that reason I will majorly talk to him here while I talk with you in my inbox. 

Good day sir, 
I am sorry that I am addressing you here, but I was compelled to talk to you about your wife and marriage. 
I understand perfectly well that you are working too hard to redeem your image to your wife and family. I want to commend you for your efforts towards providing for your wife and your unborn child, and I pray that God will bless the work of your hands and favour you in all your legitimate endeavors. 
What you experiencing is something you could have avoided totally if you came out clean with who you are and what you do. 
See, no matter how social media tries to paint a fake imagination of things, reality of life will always have its way in due course. Why lie to impress your own wife and support? Why hang your hand on the top when you can't meet up with the demands of your decision? Sir, why abandon your wife in all these, most especially in her pregnancy? Please no matter how terrible and difficult things might be to you, please humble yourself and visit your wife. She deserves to know what you are going through so that she will know how to support and help you. 
Hiding won't bring any solution to this, but when you come clean, you will get the help you need to take care of your family and wife.
Let me be honest with you, there is no man that haven't experienced hard times or some form of failures or inadequacy in life, but running away never solved their problem, instead they worked with their parents and family, and the result is overwhelming. 
Please if possible write to me, let's talk about what you are going through. Also try your possible best to reunite with your wife. All she needs is your presence to help her understand what is going on and how to help you. 
I hope that you will be kind and considerate enough to reach out to your wife and talk with her. I am expecting your mail please. 
Thank you in advance.

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