Wednesday, June 21, 2017

How Do I Handle my Mother-in-law's Interference?

My hubby is the first son of his mum, his dad is late while his mum is retired, so he sends her ₦20, 000 every month. So there is this his younger bro that just finished NYSC, the mum said we should allow him to learn the business, that when money comes she will open the business for him.
So he started working with us, later they said we should start paying him like other staff, of which he doesn't even come to work everyday; even the days he comes, he comes late, influences other staff, and has the attitude of "it's my bros business".
At first, I declined to that with my reasons. His brother has been working for about six months now with a lot of money missing in his account,  sometimes ₦20, 000, ₦11, 000, and the most recent was ₦9, 000.
This same brother, during our traditional wedding, the money that people sprayed us(I and hubby); my sister gatherd everything and gave to this same guy to keep it well for us till maybe after the occassion; till today, I didn't see that money, he came up with different cock and bull stories.
So I already know he has this 'I don't care' attitude, and I wouldn't take it in our business at all. It has been tearing us apart seriously, hubby told me his mum is his responsiblity,  agreed! It's good to take care of his mum at old age, and also that his brother of 32 years is also his responsibility, no!
I have a brother too, they are hustling in their respective places, his brother should do same. I and hubby started from scratch, I mean scratch, right from our friendship days, to courtship and now, we have been through a lot.
I have sacrificed a lot for this marriage and still will, we agreed not to allow relatives interfere into our marriage and here he goes. Now my mother-in-law called me last week and was asking me about the apartment my hubby planned to secure for this his brother, but the plan failed (not that he doesn't have a place where he stays o, just dat his mum wants him to have privacy). If the plan had worked, hubby would have spent ₦100,000. Now the plan didn't work, so my mother-in-law, maybe she wanted my hubby to go get afresh, a new one for his brother, and that will be about ₦250, 000(just maybe o hmmmm).
I was even surprised why she was asking me because hubby has always been the one she  talks to about anythin money or help/assistance (cos make them no say I say), not knowing that hubby and her had a  tough argument over the phone cos of it, and hubby didn't tell me.
She said so many things on phone depicting that she feels I am the one stopping my hubby from helping. So I told her of our own challenges, how out of five shops, we are only operatin just three, hubby has debts to pay, rents here and there, lawyers call and so on.
We don't tell people our problems, so they think we are enjoying(as if no be this same Nigeria we dey). After the long talk, she insisted we carry her son along, (I didn't know hubby had told his brother to stop cos for some time, I haven't gone to work).
So when hubby came back from work, I was angry cos of the way his mum spoke to me at first, even till now am still angry when I remember it.
Hubby started shouting,  that was that not what I wanted? I wanted him to disobey his mum to please me, that has been what I wanted, that he has forcefully told his brother to stop working, that he and his mum had a long quarel over the phone cos of this decision, that it was difficult for him to do, but he had to because of me.., that I should be happy now.., he talked and talked.
Now Aunty, the truth is I just can't watch the brother come in and run down this business we have struggled to raise from the scratch, not even in this period of recession.
My hubby has a family now, we have our plans, even today mother-in-law called and still talked. I don't want her to be asking me, let her ask hubby cos I don't want to lie and I don't want to tell anyone about our problem, maybe she feels I am lying.
Aunty, please how do I handle this, especially my mother-in-law and her calls? Am I being self-centered cos that's what hubby said I am. Thank you ma.

Your husband will naturally be sentimental because this has to do with his own mother and his own brother, but looking at things objectively, his brother shouldn't be part of your business for any reason. 
From antecedents, it's obvious that he will most definitely ruin your business and drain every penny in the business. 
Perhaps what he needs is accommodation and a support to kick off his own life and build his own future. 
What I will suggest is that you should try your best not to twist the hand of your husband to your favour. Simply talk to him when he's calm and relaxed, explaining the impact of any decision he feels will be good for his family, and allow him to decide what's best for him and his family. 
As regards your mother-in-law's incessant calls, be courteous, respectful, and brief with her. Whenever she asks you of anything you don't wish to talk about, let her know that your husband is in a better position to respond to her. Avoid getting too familiar with her because when mother and son are fighting, the wife will most likely be the scape goat. 
There is a need for your brother-in-law to leave your home for somewhere else, because your mother-in-law may use him as her informant, and then confront you afterwards. 
Put your house in order, encourage your husband in the best way you can, then give him suggestions on how to manage this without ruining his business. 
He's only reacting to the pressure of taking too many responsibilities with limited resources, and I hope that he will be able to manage everything and take good care of his family. 
Please don't fail to pray for him all the time, and encourage him in any way you can to be happy, healthy, and hopeful.

1 comment:

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)