Tuesday, July 4, 2017

I Am Depressed and Unhappy!

Good evening ma. please I need your advice and that of your fan. I'm 29 years old while my husband is 39 years old. I got married late last year and I gave birth a month ago.
I loved my husband to the extent that I sacrificed everything for him. We work in the same state but different area.. We see each other only on weekends(since we got married).. 
The problem is that ever since we got married, he has been making me sad; he receives calls from different ladies even in my presence; he sex chats with different people on Facebook and Whatsapp...
He has more than three girlfriends in the town where I'm working. He takes them to hotel to sleep with them, (I saw it in his Facebook chats with those girls). Whenever he visited me, he would always come back home late...
Ma, now that I just gave birth, he has changed from bad to worse. He was given two months leave at work but my husband would never stay at home for five minutes, even when he knew that this was the only time we could have time for ourselves as I would go back to where I work after my three months maternity leave.
There's a lady that calls him everyday, and whenever she calls him, he'll tell me he's going out to do something and come back very late. He'll chat on Facebook from 7am till 3am midnight, most times sex chat, (we aren't sleeping in the same room because he said that he can't withstand the cry of babies), instead his mum sleeps with me and the baby.
His mother has been begging me to continue to be patient with him,  though I didn't tell her anything, she noticed her son's behaviour too..
Ma, I'm neat and I don't nag.. I don't know what the problem is... I've talked to him many times and even begged him, yet no change.. This is a person that has turned me to a person without ₦1 in my account, always borrowing money from me without returning it because his salary isn't stable. He doesn't give me money even for food, always claiming there's no money.
Ma, now I'm depressed and unhappy, I hate him everyday.. I even think of leaving this marriage because he has not given me happiness for once.

I can bet that when you introduced him to your family and friends and told them his age, everyone chorused that he's a 'mature' man, most probably because of his age. What you are experiencing are characteristics of an irresponsible, and immature man who got married probably because he's getting old and needed a woman to punish in the name of marriage, and he successfully enslaved you with love. 
If I am to advise you in the manner that will suit Africans, I will tell you to pray day and night, fast for him, and always give your best to your marriage irrespective of his shortcomings. I will remind you that no marriage is perfect, and that there is no challenge that cannot be overcome with perseverance, prayers, and patience. 
I will then recommend the word of God that will encourage you while you endure his attitude, just like his mother is pleading that you do. And then conclude by letting you know that you have a child, and that it won't be so good to leave knowing that your child will need his father.
But I am not going through that route, because your sanity and safety is under threat now. 
Both of you work in the same state but interact like strangers; that's disturbing. Both of you are married but he's entirely acting like a single man in search of his wife, and he seems not to even care about how you feel or what you go through as a result of his attitude. 
To make things more difficult and complex for you, you are 'technically' the breadwinner in your marriage, and have become the generous 'donatus' who donate her body, her life, her money, and her sanity, to be called a married woman. This is unfortunate and painful. 
You need to open up to your family, and work towards letting his family know your struggles and difficulties in your marriage. It is not cool to be married to a cheat and an irresponsible man. You may never know the risk until you contract sexually transmitted infections, or maybe a strange woman attacks you for nothing. 
If family intervention fails, please consider taking a break from your marriage to help you sort yourself out, and decide whether you are still interested in the marriage or not. 
Depression kills, don't ignore it or manage it because you want to impress the 'society'. None of them will understand your situation even if you explain yourself to them, and guess what? If you die in an abusive marriage, your husband will continue to enjoy himself with other ladies. 
Please do not give room to anyone to drive you insane or make you remain constantly unhappy and depressed. 
Speak up, and where solutions are not forthcoming, please take a break and sort yourself out.

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