Saturday, July 1, 2017

I Don't Know if I Love Him or Not!

Good evening ma, please I need your advice.... I have been dating this guy for a year, and am three months pregnant for him.... 
Ma, the problem is this boy has nothing doing, and he is still living with his mother.. When I discovered I was pregnant, I opted for abortion, he declined...He told me to keep the baby, even his mum was not in support of abortion.. In fact his mum was excited, she said is her first grandchild, that she will make sure am well taken care of, even if his son has nothing doing at the moment. As am writing to you now, am in their house and the woman treats me very well, even the guy himself.
Ma, my problem is that I didn't see this coming, and my desire is to get married and live with my husband, not to live with my husband in his family house... 

Secondly ma, this is not just the plan I had for myself, where the woman feeds both the guy and I,  and am not comfortable with it, am so ashamed of myself..
When I graduated from school, my plan was to get a nice job and take care of myself, I searched for job and I didn't get. My parents were always traveling and always leaving me alone at home... I became so lonely and I always allow my friend to come and keep me company, he even sleeps in my house at night... That was how he got me pregnant...
It was just a mistake I made as a result of lonlinesss.. Am not sure I love him.. But I know he loves me.. He has been telling me to be patient with him that things will get better, but ma patience is what I don't have cos this is not the type of life I wanted... The age difference is not much, he is 28 and am 27...

Right now his mum has been disturbing to inform my people, so that they will carry drinks and come and do small thing on my head, cos according to them you can't pay a woman's bride price in Igbo land...
I have been delaying them cos I have not made up my mind on whether I want to marry the guy or not... I came up with a decision today, to tell them that I only want to stay with them and put to bed... That I don't want to marry their son... I don't know if it's the best decision ma... Please advice me

Before I forget, I also have reasons why I don't want to marry the boy... His spiritual life is poor, and I see him as a small boy cos he is still living with his mum... Their family believes a lot in custom and tradition, I teased him one day that we will give our child a Christian name not their family name .. Because according to their tradition their children must answer traditional names.. I told him that Christianity has abolished some tradition, he insisted we will follow tradition....that his child will bear his name... 
I want to go close to God, be independent... My dreams are just shattering.... Help me ma.

Welcome to life, where our dreams are dependent on our choices, where our plans becomes the reflection of our decisions, and where we work with what we have not what we wish for.
Though you may claim to have been lonely which lead you to seek romance, the truth is that you chose what you got.
The first thing you ought to do at this point is take responsibility for your action. You don't get candy from the mahnhood, so when you had sex with him, pregnancy was your choice. 
Now that you are pregnant, I will suggest that you don't rush into marriage because of your baby as that will be a second choice that may not be favorable to you. 
All you need to do at this point in your life is to focus on your pregnancy and your baby. Let your family know about your pregnancy, but shelve every marriage plans especially when you are not emotionally sure of what you want from your relationship with your 'boy'friend. 
When you have put to bed, you can then think about the future of the relationship and decide whether to continue with him or not. 
It is never too late to pursue your dreams, you only need to make accommodation for your child in your plans, and learn from your own mistakes, if any.
For now, make do with what you have, and be patient with his family who have generously volunteered to be part of your pregnancy journey.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I pray that you will carry your baby to term and deliver safely without complications. 


  1. pls try and have a rethink, i think u are not too comfortable with him bcos of his present financial situation,. as for u, pls dont wait to get a job. learn a gud handwork,or start a little biz that will grow with time.

  2. Dear Poster, Aunty Amara has given you the best advice you are not to rush into any decision now. That does not mean you can't marry him, it only means you should do what you think is right without being under pressure. My question now is ;if the guy was financially independent all other factors remaining the same, would you choice still be the same. Be careful in making your final decision please the fact that his mother and him are taking full responsibility of you and the child shows they can be responsible. Try to carry your own family along too at every point in this so you don't find yourself alone and helpless peradventure things go wrong between you and your 'in laws'.


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