Sunday, July 2, 2017

Should I Overlook These Fears?

Good evening Amara,
I have issues that requires your kind advice. Am 34 years dating a girl of 28, we've been dating for two years now and I sincerely wants to settle down with her. I have seen her
parents and equally took her to meet with my parents as well.
But there is this FEAR in me! Like we may not make a good home, I have entertained this fear for a while to the point that any argument we have points to the fear.
She is so temperamental, so suspicious; she does not trust me; still communicates with her ex boyfriend; she deletes number she suspects to be a lady friend; at some point she had serious argument with my younger siblings which resulted into loud shouting, and she is not close to my family members.
These are what informed my fear because in all those points mentioned, there are some core values I hold so dearly that she has convinced me to uphold.
However, she has accused me severally that I am not serious; a time waster; all her friends are all married even the ones that were not in a relationship before we started dating are equally married.
Amara, deep down my soul, I desperately need a wife, but this fear I mentioned is holding me back. Should I overlook this fear? Should I prepare my mind for the worst and go ahead? She always make this comment that she is not putting her best now because we are not married, when she is very sure am hers then she will put her very best... Should I believe this?
Please tell me more about this fear and the way out.

Did you in any way directly or indirectly put her in a position to always suspect you or become temperamental? Have you cheated on her before now? Was there anything or something you did which broke her trust in you? 
From all you said, I won't encourage you to ignore your fears, especially if you never did anything to warrant such fears. However, there is a need for you to examine your attitude and conduct to her so that you don't blame her for your own reflection on her. 
A lady who controls a man will someday end up frustrating him out of her life. A lady who puts a man under unnecessary pressure, compares him with other people, accuses him unnecessarily, and suspects him all the time, will most definitely abuse such a man when she has the privilege to. 
Fears are pointers to dangers you might encounter in the future, and if you cannot address them today, please don't overlook them because they will certainly manifest when you least expect them. 
I will suggest that you discuss these fears with her, and if possible encourage her to write to me, to help her understand the impact of her attitude to your relationship. 
If she's not giving her best now, I have no idea how beautiful or lovely her best will be in the future.
Take caution now to avoid ending up as a casualty in the future.

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