Friday, October 20, 2017

Could My Instincts be Wrong?

Dear Sis Amara, may God's blessings always abide with you. Please I just want to know if my instincts are right or not.
My story goes like this. I have been married for two years now with a baby girl. Before the arrival of our baby, the intimacy between I and my husband was okay. We were close and often made love.
My husband is a very calm person, though conservative. He helps with house chores like cooking and going to market. He rarely scolded me, even when I go wrong. In summary, he is the ideal husband.
But after the birth of our baby, when my mum have gone back, he started withdrawing from sleeping in the same room with us. I have talked calmly with him about it but it all proved abortive.
Also our sharing of intimacy reduced drastically. We hardly make love, though we haven't been very active at that before now. I have also asked him about it but he gives me excuses.
I know his work is VERY stressful. But I don't know if it can make him not to desire me. I can account for his whereabout because when he isn't at work, he stays at home with us and still help out with the chores.
Ever since he got a phone that supports whatsapp, he is always glued to the phone. Initially I knew his phone's password and could easily play games with it, but now I hardly touch it. I don't even know the password again.
He hardly leaves the phone when he isn't with it. My husband doesnt take alchol but I found eggovin in his laptop bag and saw that it contained alcohol. Or please am I mistaken. He didn't know I saw it in his bag because when I first saw the bottle, I asked him and he lied.
Later I secretly checked and found out it was eggovin. We still maintain peace and harmony at home because he doesn't know am troubled. And I can't bear it if the house isn't at peace.
My instinct isn't at rest since he stopped sharing the room with us. I feel something is wrong but just can't place my hands at it. I feel disturbed and very disappointed that he lied to me.
Since we married, he doesn't make most of his calls in my presence. I wonder why. Till now, I haven't told him that I knew he lied to me about the eggovin. I am too stunned to tell him.
Please dear advise me, probably my instinct may be wrong this time. My behaviour towards him hasn't changed, just that I no longer trust him. I still care and love him as usual

This is not a dating relationship or courtship, or even honeymoon, but marriage. This is the time that you need to be real and honest about your feelings, fears, and instincts, and open up to your husband whenever you notice any anomalies in his attitude to you. 
You are not doing him a favor by keeping quiet, instead you are piling up burden that will grow to hurt you in the future. 
You need to leave the ideal phase of your expectations to the reality of his attitude in your home. 
The moment he lies, hides some certain things from you, and also avoids making love to you and sleeping with you, there is something going wrong which you need to question and find answers to. 
Marriage don't suddenly go wrong, but partner's attitude to their commitment to their marriage is what piles up to form the heap of issues that crushes a home. 
So speak up, talk about it, be honest, open, and real. If you were disappointed, please speak up, and if you need sex, talk about it and let him know your concerns. 
There is a difference between stress and total neglect in his matrimonial bed. Stress will make a man grab the bo*obs and sleep off, but total neglect will even make him not wish to allow her body touch him. 
Stop getting wowed by his attitude, but gently and sincerely tell him your pain and concerns, and hope that things get better. 
Do your part by talking about it with him to avoid making assumptions. 

1 comment:

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