Sunday, January 28, 2018

Is He Married to His Mother or Me?

Hi Amara,
I need help cause I am going crazy here.
My hubby works with his mother in some ministry, but he's always with her 24/7. We have two children and a third on the way.
I met him when he was still staying with his mother, reason being that he didn't want to pay rent twice and since he had left his job to work with her so it was better. We got married and tried looking for places far from her but failed.
This has become a problem because he's always at her place, Monday to Sunday, and comes home at night. Whenever I talk about it, silent treatment is what I get.
I have talked to our leaders at church who wedded us, and my mother-in-law, but no change. They both just pretended. I even thought at first that they had a relationship but it wasn't so.
We hardly have enough to manage home, and I have told him to get a job and let others take over what he's doing, since the pay is peanuts, but nothing and yet he's a graduate with good credentials.
We are emotionally disconnected as a couple and hardly pray together. Have prayed and I am just almost giving up.

PS: The mother abandoned him as a baby at three months. She also has another son but they are not in good relationship cause the wife was also tired of her behaviour.
She tries to control what we do and where we go. She wants to be in charge of everything. She even told me one time that she's the one who married me in front of her son.
Some advice please.

At this point in your life, there are things that you can't change, but it doesn't mean you are handicapped from liberating yourself. 
You cannot force an old man to be responsible, and you also cannot continue to torture yourself as a result of his decision to be married to his mother. 
Your peace mind, happiness, and comfort, are in your hand, and you have all it takes to give yourself some respect, peace of mind, and happiness you deserve. 
If after all other alternatives to expressing your concerns failed, please consider taking charge of your emotion by working hard to provide for yourself and your children. 
One you are able to provide for your need and that of your children, you will be able to make a decision that won't have any negative impact on your children's welfare or your happiness. 
You are either married or a nuisance to another man, and if he treats you as a nuisance instead of his wife, then you need to consider liberating yourself so that he can enjoy his life with his mother.


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