Monday, March 26, 2018

Am I Making a Mistake Considering Marriage with Him?

I am a 27 years old female medical practitioner, I currently work with a private clinic, but coming from a low income family, my pay-check is never enough to pay for my bills and family members.
So I started my process to move to the states where there are better opportunities and better income, considering we are heavily underpaid here in Nigeria. The problem is, I am currently seeing a guy, we have agreed to get married latest October this year, and he said if I leave that's the end of the relationship, I suggested long distance relationship which we are currently doing now, he doesn't stay in Nigeria too, but he refused.
He only comes back two times a year and stays for like a month or less, and then goes back to Japan. Imagine! How convenient for him to leave me here in Nigeria but I can't do the same. 
Initially I wanted to give up moving outside the country to be with him, but the last time he came back, I felt a disconnect between us. He hides a lot of things, he lies a lot, all we do is just fight.
Since he's gone back to Japan, he doesn't communicate like he used to, but when he calls eventually, he reassures me nothing is wrong. 
Truth be told, if I was younger like 24, I would not look back when making decisions but since I am already 27, and age is not on my side, I am considering marrying him. I feel this is a one time opportunity and am making a mistake.
I need a second opinion


If you feel like you are making a mistake, you are probably making a mistake. 
The reason is not far fetched, you have made a limitation out of no limitation, because you feel that at 27, age is no longer at your side, and as such, you want to sacrifice your comfort, vision to support your family, and hardwork, on the alter of MRS title. 
The question is, how sure are you that after sacrificing everything for him, that you will end up with him? 
Secondly, what makes you feel so confident that there is no lady over there who he's hanging out with? How would you really cope should you be married to him and remain in Nigeria while he's in Japan? Will you really be happy with yourself should you take this decision? 
Marriage is a platform where two individuals negotiate how best to work together and build their family, without necessarily forcing the hands of the other or imposing laws or instructions on them. Where there is no working agreement, the best thing is to appreciate your feelings for each other and move on with your life. 
As long as you live on earth, getting old is never a limitation, and if you know what you would have done if you were 24, you still have all those privileges to do them today, because in the end, what matters is being able to achieve your vision for yourself and your family. If you can do that with a man by your side, lovely, but if you can't, it's still amazing. 
Never let any human being threaten you with terminating the relationship, you are not a burden to him, and if he doesn't appreciate your value now, then your presence in his life is a waste of time.

3 comments:

  1. This man is married please stop waste your time seek a right man before look for a job which makes you feel independent ma sis

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