Tuesday, March 27, 2018

How Do I Move On or is the Marriage Worth Working on?

Good evening madam,
Please keep up the good work, I kindly need your advice on my marital issues because I am gradually losing it.
I got married last year May, and I must say the love was not strong from me but people were busy saying, 'I should marry him because he loves me more than I do',  but I must say, the feelings became worse for me after the wedding because he will not let me work.

I am graduate but forbids me to work, he said he wants to open a business for me but I said what I want is a job, but he will not allow me work; I can't talk to anyone even my course mates I can't talk to anyone; he monitors my calls and no friend at all, and during this he has hit me five times and the last one gave me a black eye.
He will come back apologizing, and I will forgive him but deep down his attitude has never allowed his love to grow in me, if we are discussing he will flare up that I don't take his side in arguments, that I think I know too much because am a graduate--he is not but I married him despite all these--but right now I am tired because he newly opened a spiritual shop and I told him I will support him because that is what he really want to do, but I will not sell those stuffs with him.
Now his elder sister that heard that I said I won't do the business with him got angry that it's a family business, but I told them it's against my belief and religion. Now the house is on fire because I did not go to the shop with him.
I am tired and even if I say I want to move on, I have no Kobo(penny) to my name, I have tried looking for job all to no avail. I can't take care of my parents because he seldom gives them little money. I can't even grow his love in me now, I am really down, how do I move on or is it still worth working on.
Please I need your advice ma. Thanks.

You are married to a man you didn't love, hoping that his love for you will make you love him or be happy with him. That was a good gamble, but do you think it's working? From your mail, I don't think so. 
You didn't do your own investigation and enquiries before getting married to him, and from your struggle with him, it's obvious that you didn't do your background check before getting into marriage with him. The question is, for how long will you continue to struggle/fight with him? 
At this point, here are options available for your consideration. 
You need to decide whether to sacrifice your desire to work for his suggestion for business. 
You also need to decide whether to join him in his business or move on with your life. 
You need to weigh your happiness as an individual, your major purpose for getting married, and the marriage you now have. 
Truth is, it is not lack of money that makes an individual remain in a dysfunctional relationship/marriage, but lack of will and self awareness to make some critical decision when he/she feels that he/she cannot make any progress with the relationship/marriage. 
The moment you have a will, you will most definitely discern the way to liberate yourself. 
You have these options before you, but the ultimate choice/decision is solely yours. 
I hope you don't lose your eyes before you receive insight to know what's best for you. 
Good luck.

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