Saturday, March 24, 2018

I Am Tired of Licking His Buttocks!

Aunty Amara good day, and God bless you immensely for being a blessing to this generation. Ma, please what's your advice on this?
I have been married for almost two years, and I must tell you the truth, it's not a happy marriage. It's painful because I have tried everything possible to see it work, but, no it's not working out. And I am also afraid what people might think of me if I walk out of this marriage.
Mummy, one of the humiliations I am getting from hubby, to the best of my understanding, is that I am not financially independent, thanks to God I am done with school, but he is insisting that I cannot work under his house, that if I want to work and earn money, that I should leave the marriage peacefully.
I asked him his reasons for saying that, he said that our baby is still tender. Ma, our baby is still tender, she is a year and three months, and he told me boldly that come next month if am not pregnant, that I will see the way he act.
Ma, I have been licking his ass and tired of licking it, he wants to turn me to his slave, he abuses me anyway he wants. He is a bully, I won't work but he won't give me any money to take care of myself.
I have a family that is looking upto me, I am the eldest, none of my sibilings have even gone to school except me. I don't tend to carry family issue in my head, at least let me be assisting in my own little way. Dad is late on, and he is insisting that there is no work, no business, no allowance as far as I am in his house, that I was married to give birth to kids and that's all.
Please mummy what do I do, because depression is an understatement to how am feeling now? Your candid advice will be appreciated.

You, sadly, married an insecure individual with the wrong orientation of marriage. You need to respectfully have a heart to heart talk with him and make him see reasons why you need to work.
If that doesn’t work, talk to someone he respects and listens to and see how it goes. You can also find something to be doing from home.
A friend’s husband stopped her from working and while she stayed home, she was able to learn tailoring from a neighbor. By the time the man knew it, she was designing her own dresses and made one for him.
His friends admired the dress and starting giving her jobs. This made the man to set up a tailoring shop for her.
Again, if all dialogue alternatives fail, and you know so well that you are no longer coping mentally and emotionally with your husband, always remember that you have the capacity to decide what you feel is best for you at any point in your life. 
It's one thing to be married, and another thing to be at peace with your choice of partner. And where your peace of mind, your happiness, your freedom of ideas, and choice is being compromised, you have the right to decide what you feel is best for you. 
Marriage is not a platform to breed slaves or incubators, or where you lose every sense of your identity and subjected to obeying your master. 
So you need to wake up, and respectfully exercise your legitimate options in your marriage. What people say is their opinion, and the unfortunate thing is that anyone who has not been in your own shoes can't tell what you are going through. 
Do not bury yourself in pain as a result of the opinion of others, go for whatever makes you feel happy and fulfilled as a human being, irrespective of the opinion of men.


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