Friday, March 9, 2018

How Will I get Out of this Situation?

Dear Amara,
My name is Theresa  E and I’m your fan and always feel inspired by your teachings.
At this point in my life I need help, and I’ve thought of where to go only for my intuition to guide me to you!
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been in a relationship for the last four years, this being the fifth one!
Before touching on the deep issues that I have at hand, I would like to appreciate the man in my life, despite the flaws, he’s a caring man and loving, and I won’t exchange that with less!

Now let’s talk.
For the last three years, I told him that I would love to have a baby and that we should start trying, and since then I’ve never been on any family planning methods. I went to a gynaecologist to have my fertility checked just to make sure I’m okay ...
On the other hand, if I try to initiate that we go see a fertility clinic together, he becomes defensive and we end up arguing. He claims in my country (Kenya), there are no professional doctors-and he won’t wank his penis for a test, he tells me it’s embarrassing for him... I never understood this because when you love somebody, there’s nothing you can’t do for them and to make the relationship work!
I must acknowledge the age gap makes a huge difference that he may feel uncomfortable to do this ( but age is a number, it don’t matter really).

Second issue 
We traveled altogether because he lives in UK, and I in Kenya.
Every time he gets calls or wants to make a call, he orders me to put my phone on silent, rather he would close the door behind me, and go outside!! If I ask why, he would tell me that his business clients need privacy while talking, as much as I feel it’s not fair to me, I take it and overlook. Contrary to when I get calls from my family or friends, he would take my phone or come to listen if it’s a male voice on the other end! He complains a lot when I’m on the phone and tells me to hang up from it, that I talk too much which ain’t the case!!

For the last four years, he has never introduced me to his family, and he lies to them that he’s coming to trek in Kenya!!
I must confess this: when I met him, I was very young and naive back in Dubai where I worked. His wife is alive and has Ms and always sickly. I understand that does not mean I had the right to take him, but it didn’t seem to bother me that much. I was enjoying my life and so we’ve been together.
He tells me he can’t hurt her glory anything, and I respect that, though it bounces back to me because I’m hurting to be kept a secret while my family knows him as my man.

We walk in the streets in Spain, and when approaching crowd, he would leave my hand and walk separate, afraid of anyone that may notice him and report to his wife back home... This kills me because at this point in my life I don’t have time left and I want to settle down with a man that’s ready to love and commit to me!

Another thing which cripples me is that he would take me to bed anytime he wants even when I don’t want to have sex. 
He would make me feel like nothing, most times we are in public simply because I depend on him as the provider!
I shared this experiences with my mother and she was not impressed though she told me to be careful in any decision I make!
Amara, I will address you like my big sister since you’ve got the experience of life more than me, I will need your help on the next move or how I can get out of this situation!!!
I’m tired and my heart it’s despairing with the fear of knowing that this man will never marry me until his wife dies!!! Even in the eyes of God I feel guilty and willing to walk away..

He’s not ready to let me go and tells me to give him more time, yet I feel I’ve given it all and I haven’t betrayed him for the time we’ve been together.
Insecurity is another factor that drives him crazy, just to know that I may leave him for another man, he claims that I will never get another man to love me like him but I will get men who would lay with me and not love me!!!

I don’t believe his tactic to keep me at his bay...with the issue of the baby on the spot, he told me to give him up to end of this year and if this things don’t happen then I walk away from him... I just feel my heart has withdrawn from how, I felt about him and that I’m just waiting to break my heart to him and end things out...
I feel lonely every time he leaves me at the airport going back to UK, noting that the most time we spent together it’s nearly three weeks and back at home the family knows he’s in Kenya trekking!!!!! Contrary to trekking done on my body and all the lies he tells when he calls home☹️.
Amara,  I want to live a new life and I want to settle for good and have this man who will be proud to have me as a wife and his companion!! He’s set to arrive on Wednesday next week and I’m not excited to have him over... My heart wants everything and if I can’t have everything from him then I think it’s time to walk before I waste all my years and lead a lonely life after!!!
Thank you for your time and your advice will be highly appreciated. 

My joy is that you are seeing all these signs, red flags of his insincerity, lack of commitment, and purpose for the relationship. 
You will only be doing yourself a great disservice should you decide to invest your life and time hoping that one day you will become his wife. 
He's married, he respects his wife, and he only keeps you as his sex object, but doesn't have any genuine plan for you. 
If you ask me, the best thing to do is to follow your heart, and set yourself free from a man who treats you like a second option, and not as the only woman in his life. 
Deciding to wait for him will only mean one thing, subjecting yourself to his manipulation and deceit. It only mean that you will continue to live a lonely life, filled with fears, worries, and disappointments. 
Though his money may buy you many gifts, the peace of mind, family, and fulfillment of having your own children may never be with him. 
Wake up today, all the answers you are searching for is staring into your eyes, please do not ignore them. Tell yourself the truth, and take charge of your happiness and fulfillment in life. 
Whatever he tells you may feel so good, but what his character reveals what matters most. 
Stop postponing the inevitable, if your relationship has no future, then you simply need to take a walk and trust God for your own man. 
You deserve to have a beautiful family, and a man who treats you with respect and mutual love for each other.

1 comment:

  1. If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating wife, i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator  Mr James . I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on my wifes iphone.He hacked her Gmail and Facebook account and linked all her WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you Mr James for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him ( via email. 


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