The Wait is Frustrating!

Aunty Amara.. good afternoon. Hope you're fine.

Aunty, your girl is still here oh! No hope in sight for settling down anytime soon with my fiancé. No jobs yet for both of us. I just finished my Masters program two weeks ago from UI, and I also turned 30 years old this month.

Right now, I don't have happiness in my relationship, and I am too afraid to leave. Where am I leaving to? And where will I find a man who is totally souled out to God, speaks in tongues and prays like he does?

He started his monthly preaching program this year.. and I really love him for it.

But Aunty, what if I grow old while waiting for him to get a job? What if his breakthrough comes in the next five or six years? All we do is send out applications and wait, then attend a few interviews here and there..

I want to discuss with him to give our relationship six months more, then go our separate ways in September if nothing happens financially.

While I get hooked up with a good man who is ready to settle down (because I won't be dating again after him. I don't want another dating. Just courtship of three months and marriage).

But I'm greatly afraid, won't I regret it if I leave?
And what if I leave and he gets a good job?
Will the next man be good and faithful to me?
What kind of man will he be?
How will my fiancé survive the heartbreak after he has come to my house to ask for my hand in marriage?

Aunty, I don't really know right now. I just pray God comes to my rescue in the next six months and grants us a miracle job. The waiting is frustrating. I don't want to wait long in vain. That's why I am giving myself time. Do you think I'm on the right path?

Is six months good enough, or am I being too harsh on myself and desperate? Should I increase the time?

Take a deep breath, God is in control of your worries, and He will most definitely reveal His will for you while you wait. 

As a daughter of Zion, you know that worrying about what God is working on won't do you any favor. 

You just finished your Masters degree program, congratulations, and I pray that God will provide a wonderful job opportunity for you, or business ideas that you can explore while you trust Him for a job. 

You are no longer happy in your relationship, and it is totally normal for you to feel worried about the current challenge in your beautiful relationship. 

Let me ask, have you sought the face of God concerning this relationship? Are you convinced or have the inner peace of mind, that you are with the man you wish to grow in love with for the rest of your life? 

If you are genuinely convinced that you are with your husband, there is no sacrifice, investment, or delay that will hinder both of you from ending up together. 

But if you are not convinced, then it will be difficult for you to sacrifice so much to see your desire come to reality. 

This is not the time to worry about the future relationship or man or qualities, I will rather suggest that you focus on your current relationship. The day you decide to leave your current relationship, your concerns will be taken care of naturally. 

This has little to do with your fiancé and so much to do with you. The ultimate question isn't how he will cope because he will definitely cope, or what will become of him because he will keep growing, but what you can sacrifice for the sake of your relationship, and your limit as a woman. 

Can you sacrifice five or more years to stand by him until he stands on his feet? Can your love for him stand the test of your own need and expectations, pending when God establishes him? 

What if jobs doesn't come as soon as expected, will you still be able to stand with him? 

Have you taken your time to weigh everything and evaluate your reality with your personal capacity? 

Are you emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and financially prepared to go all the way with him, and sometimes even when things hit ground zero?

I do not think that talking to him about your patience capacity is the best approach, because it will automatically put him under pressure, and also distract him greatly from his ministry. 

Maybe what you need is to tell yourself the truth about how far your patience can stretch at this point in your life. 

Irrespective of your choice, it will definitely come with its own realities, uncertainties, and perhaps prize to pay for your own happiness and peace of mind. 

At this point in your life, you should remember that it is okay to be human, and okay to make your decisions irrespective of how uncomfortable, unpalatable or unpleasant it may be for your partner or anyone around you. 

And whatever decision you make now, you do not need to feel guilty, angry, or worried, because you can only save yourself from your own frustration, and it's okay to be honest with yourself than to impress others and die in silence. 

Are you desperate? You are definitely not desperate, you are only projecting your own expectation which is not in agreement with the reality of your relationship. 

Should you give him some time? How long? How short? Whatever you feel is best for you at this point in your relationship, please work with it. 

While you are at it, support him in your own way, encourage him, pray for him, and leave the part which you can't fix for God. 

If things doesn't turn out as you planned, and you wish to either move on or give him more time, you can then make your intentions known to him. 

Like I said earlier, no need trying to figure out whether you will meet another man like your fiancé while you are still with him. 

Let all your focus be on what you can carry as a human, and what you believe is in your best interest, happiness and peace of mind. 

Try to be as honest, objective, and sincere as you can be to yourself, because you are the one who carries this pressure and know where the load is heaviest. 

I hope and pray that God will give you the discerning spirit, wisdom, and grace you need to decide what is best for you.