Friday, April 6, 2018

I Feel so Confused and Sad!

Good day ma.. I need your advice and that of your fans. How do I handle this issue cos I am really not happy....
We have been friends for eight years but started having sex this year (just once). He's based in Senegal, whereas am in Nigeria..though l knew him before he travelled out....
Far back in 2012, this guy proposed to me on Facebook, l really love him but the problem was that he never ask me out nor asked me to be his girl...
I just laughed over it and told him that l will marry him on Facebook, then he asked me if I can't marry him in real life, my response was that he should let me know when he is ready, and that was how his communication seized.
Could you believe this guy came back the same year, and didn't borther telling me. When l found out, I asked him why, his response was that ''why would he call me when I made him feel rejected", and  I apologised.
We continued chatting though off and on (cos then it takes him ages to reply some of my chat, and I equally does the the same to him)...until last year ending when he told me that he will be coming to Nigeria and he would like to see me...I never wanted to come cos I was in northern part of the country. He pleaded with me and even promised to sponsor the transport fare, which he later fulfilled.
We finally met earlier this year in my house with my dad around... I noticed that he is the shy type cos during our conversation he couldn't look at my face.. Before he left my house, he told me that he will like us to hang out...that same night when we were chatting,   he told me that he is the shy type and he is always afraid of rejection therefore he hardly pour out his feelings.
The bottom line was that he said he has been crazy about me but he is afraid of me rejecting him when he finally open up. l told him that I have loved him from day one but since he didn't open up I hide my feelings which was true....
After two days he came to my house, he called me one morning and told me that he went to market that he would like to get something for me I said okay.
Later that same day he called me to come and collect the stuff he bought for me. When I came out, I saw him with his mum and he never told me he was with his mum..
I greeted them, collected the stuff he bought for me and left.. We later hung out and that's where the sex came in cos we lodged in a hotel.. When we were in the hotel, there was no much conversation plus he was shy. It got me pissed cos I was expecting him to say something like I will like us to give relationship a trial or I will like you to be my girl but he didnt say any of it, and l was forced to ask him if I should wait for him cos he will be traveling to his base the following week, his response was that he loves me but he has to consider so many things besides we will be communicating.
The statement hurts me so bad but I kept my cool. Our communication wasn't really that strong till he got back to his base..we will do video call very well today, talk about so many things, how he miss me and how he is crazy about me...but the next day he will ignore my calls and chats as if we are enemies.
I have complained and nagged so many times but it continued until when I decided not to chat him nor call him. Could you believe that  we stayed up to a week plus and he didn't call so I decided to chat him up. I told him that I was busy with work and didn't call him yet he didn't bother calling me, his response was that if am through with the work. In fact he got really mad and said that l know exactly what I am doing, and he even accused me of not showing concern. He later apologized and we were good again...
Few days of being good, he went back to his normal attitude of ignoring my chats even when he is online, sometimes it takes him the next day or the next two days to reply or he wont even reply at all...
l was hurting and I decided to give him space, and that was the period he lost his mum (she had an accident and died). He didn't tell me and I got to find out after one week plus cos he uploaded it on his Whatsapp status with the caption ''Rip mum''. l felt so bad when I saw it cos firstly we have not been communicating well, and secondly he is very close to the mum among all his siblings(he even got the mum a car last year Christmas).
l sent him a condolence message on Whatsapp and also called him plenty times but he didn't pick nor reply my chats. He later replied my chats with the word ''Thanks'' only. l continued calling him even when he's online he still didn't pick up until after like four days he picked up my video call. I sympathized with him, and also asked him why he has not been picking my calls his response was NOTHING. I asked him if he is still interested in the relationship or not, his response was that he is not in the right mood to answer the question cos he lost his source of joy, that he is sorry for the way I feel that he needs time and it is the worst moment of his life and he hung up on me.
I called back that night, he didn't pick.... I didn't want it to look like l left him at his worst moment, cos I still love him like mad so I called him after two days and he responded well. I still called him some days back and he does respond well, but today I sent him a message, still called him but he didn't reply any till later at night when he was about to sleep he sent me a message that we will talk tomorrow that he wasn't feeling fine, and went offline. l didn't even get the chance to ask him what was wrong with him....
l feel so sad and confused. I am 28 years old and he is 30 years old. 

Get a big, beautiful, mirror, then use a powder to clean it so that it will be free from dust and any debris. 

Now, look into the mirror, and deliver this message to the person you see in the mirror. 

1. Love yourself so much that you don't need to beg others to respect your emotion, love your personality, and communicate with you. 

2. Never let your emotion make you vulnerable to take insults, torture or disrespect. 

3. If the commitment is not mutual, the relationship is non-existent. 

4. When you are tolerated, that's enough evidence that your presence is not appreciated or needed. 

When you are done delivering the message to the person in the mirror, you will most definitely make a better decision for yourself. 

This man cannot help you, in fact, he doesn't care about whatever it is you feel for him, so the earlier you liberate yourself, the better you are able to find happiness in yourself and in life.


  1. Poster, hope you heard Amy's advice that the guy didn't love you at all. Secondly, he noticed you loved him more that why.

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