Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Should I Marry the First Man or Give the Second Man a Chance?

Good day ma, my sincere apologies if this is not the right platform for this, I don't know how else to get to you. 
I have been in a relationship with a good man for two years and some months. Now he is asking for my hand in marriage but I am being stubborn about it, because he is based outside the country and I don't want to marry someone who is not in the country.
I have given him conditions that he should make arrangements for me to come over there or he should come home and establish something here. (I was dating him before he travelled) 
Now another guy is on the line, I met him in May. Ma'am I am of age and very ripe for marriage. I am sorry to say this, I got into a relationship with this new guy, but I don't think he is serious regarding any form of commitment. He says "he loves me" but I don't believe him because there is this girl he was dating before we met and I believe he is still dating her. Ma'am they have gone far with their relationship.
Whenever I bring up the issue of commitment(I know I shouldn't do that)he always say that the will of God will prevail. 
I don't want to waste my time with anyone. The new guy is nice and kind, but I don't want to take any sign for granted. Please ma, I need a motherly advice, should I go ahead and marry the first guy or give this second one time. 
NB: they both are okay and have everything a woman would wish for, but I am scared. Please ma, if you feel the second one is playing, tell me how to end the relationship. Please I need your candid opinion.

If you are scared, it is a sign that there's something missing in these men who wish to marry you. 
If you are comfortably considering two men at the same time, it is either that you don't know specifically what you want or that haven't seen exactly what you are looking out for in the man you wish to settle down with. 
Before you think of getting married to any man, you should be able to evaluate your cost and risk analysis, then weigh your options and what you are willing to sacrifice to make the marriage work. 
If the man abroad opens a business for you as you wish, will you be able to sacrifice your sexual, emotional, and psychological need to be with him? Will you be able to remain faithful to him even if he stays for years without coming back to meet you? 
What if he has another wife there, will you be able to accommodate him and his foreign wife/partner should he not be able to take you to his base? 
For the one in Nigeria, I'm wondering why you want to be his option when you could be with a man who will make you his priority. 
I'm wondering why you are so comfortable with a man who is clearly in love with another lady and taking advantage of your emotional attachment to him. 
Is it that he's too good that you don't mind being his side chick or wasting your emotion/time with him? Or you can't see that he's deeply in love with his partner hence the reason why God will prevail in his decision? 
As a lady who is ripe for marriage, there are some men you shouldn't be accommodating in your life to help you see clearly when you meet a man who genuinely wish to spend his life with you. 
You should be specific about what you want, and honest enough to terminate a relationship when it is no longer sustainable. 
You should be able to equip yourself and add value to your life in such a way that when you are dating a man, his possession doesn't become a huge influence in your decision making. 
You are the one who knows what you want and who you feel is the best option for you, do not ignore the red flags you see now so that you don't regret your decision in future.


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