Monday, September 14, 2015

Marriage: For Adults Only

It's very common in Africa. It's sad to see some African men marry and treat their wives the way our grandmothers were treated by their husbands. My brother, it does not work in this generation. 

Don't marry a woman and leave her for your mother. Don't leave her for your sister who has refused to get married and go to her own husband's home. Don't dump her for your brothers who see her as an obstacle to the goodies they get from you.

 If you are not capable of providing shelter for the woman you marry, please postpone marriage until you are ready. Gone are the days when you marry a woman for your mama. Some mothers-in-law are good, we have exceptionally good ones, but my dear, every married woman wants to run her home. Every woman desires a home with her husband. Every woman desires her own kitchen without the supervisors. Every woman wants to go to bed and wake up whenever she likes with no one peeping to know what soap she uses. Are these not part of the excitement of marriage? If she has to go on living under your mother's control, what makes you think she's not better under the control of her father?

"Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and mother and CLEAVE unto his wife...". Marriage is for adults and never for babies and mamas' boys. 

You leave her for your relations and tomorrow they

all turn to seers who see her tomorrow. Some men live abroad and because they don't trust themselves, it's impossible to trust their wives. These men keep the woman under the watch of their mother and siblings who shamelessly count the number of times she goes out and comes in, even the number of shaki (cow intestine) and kanda (cow skin) in her pot of soup. 

Why would you put a woman you claim to love under this emotional pain? You listen to your foolish friends who have everything negative to say about women. Words are powerful. You may think the negatives are not getting in, but without your knowing it, they're gaining root in your subconscious. Your mother calls with everything bad against her just because she wants you to start sending money to her instead of your wife; you foolishly fall for it.

"Children, obey your parents IN THE LORD". The scriptures ask us to honour our parents and obey them IN THE LORD. This means that when the words of your mother are against God and another fellow human, you shouldn't obey her. Love her and do what you have to do for her, but never give her the right to live your life for you. Any woman or man who is married to an adult that is still tied to mama's apron is doomed for life. 

Sometimes we just create problems for ourselves without knowing it. If your sisters are as nice as you say they are, what stops them from minding their own husband and allowing your wife to enjoy her own husband? Whenever you see a woman who has one leg in her husband's house and another in her father's house, mark her as one of those Jezebels. Married woman, let your brother's wife be, go back to your husband's house. 

And you married woman who, instead of building with your husband, is busy building a house in your father's house with your brother's name even when your husband is a tenant, your brother's wife shall, with cutlass, send you back to your husband when the time comes. Your smartness may end up being stupidity.

Men, please give your people whatever they need, but please protect your wife and keep her away from their prying eyes. If you live abroad and, due to circumstances beyond your control, cannot take her with you, your wife is an adult; get her a place to live and trust her. She cries because she misses her husband, don't add to her depression. 

Tough eh...I know, but truth is always bitter!


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