Friday, June 19, 2015

Should I quit or Manage?

I knew this guy from my secondary school. He was my senior then.Just seeing him in school back then and also knowing he was my senior.Never knew he noticed me then.Until I left class 3 then to a special science school and into the university.
I have not come in contact with him.One day after my OND during my one year industrial training, i went to Onitsha main market with a friend to buy stuff as ladies.And then behold someone started calling from a distance and we looked it was the guy.
I purposely told my girlfriend to go that she's the one he was calling but I knww its just pretence like I don't know him.
He insisted its me that he wants to see and my friend urged me to go and I went. 
We greeted and exchanged contact. I left for Aba later where I was doing my IT.He kept calling and I wasn't giving in for him cos to me then guys wants nothing from a girl than sex.I was avoiding him and giving flimsy excuses.
Until one day I just told myself that I am of age now and I needed to have a boyfriend and experience what relationships is all about but boyfriend, then he stopped calling and in his words he deleted my number from his phone but wrote it down in a diary..
So after having that thought I picked up my phone one evening and called him.We exchanged pleasantries and he still maintained that he must know the woman he was dating or going to date canally when the discussion was going on.I refused giving in for him over the phone but I knew within me what I have resolved to do.Are you with me?.
Please don't be offended I know why am going in deep so you would understand me well.After the phone call. I had an opportunity to travel to Onitsha one certain time and on getting there I called him and luckily he was at home and that was on a Friday 28th September 2007.Not known to me that he was not doing anything at that point in time because all his goods in containers were seized during that obasanjo's regime.And he spent all his savings to get them back to no avail.
And the second day I came again on Saturday before I left for Aba on Sunday to resume work and that was how the relationship started.As we went on.We began to know each other well and also in love with each other.We were dating and after one year he decided to travel abroad to look for a greener pastures though helped me pay off my bills in school till I finished even while he's out there.
We communicate still in love and later after two years he came back.Went back again and came 2010 but was robbed in lagos so he didn't come down to east, he went back from there and by then both parents has known about the relationship and they allowed me to go see him in Lagos before he left for abroad again.That same 2010 he sent money to me to buy christmas stuff for the family and go with it to their village so that the mum will also see me and know if she liked me too.
We lived like that and in 2011 he came back again and paid my dowry even settled the listed bill for traditional just remaining the ceremony and then white wedding.That same year I got a good job in ph and he went back again promising to come back by easter for the remaining marriage rites.
So my dear since then till now I have not set my eyes on him.I always told him to come home with anything he has so we can join hands and build our home.
My dear my fiance went and did drug trafficking and was caught.He has been in jail since then till now as am talking to you but my problem now isn't his condition but what he is doing to me..We communicate through phone but everyday quarrels and one hour we are ok the next twenty three hours is quarrels.
Why because ever since he asked some friends of his to go check what was wrong with him not being successful or whatever I don't know maybe why he had badluck for him to be caught in the act..
My dear he said they told him that I have a spiritual husband that he was the one causing all his downfall.
Ever since then there have been no peace in my marriage again.I have put in so much money to get a lawyer to get him out.Yet this guy is not satisfied.He said and keep saying that I have money and I don't want to help him.We quarrel everyday but I have paid a huge money because of this same thing called love but to him I did nothing.
We made up again two days ago only because I stopped calling and chatting with him at least to free myself small and he asked the mum and the brother to go to a pastor for prayer and asked wether am the real wife and he was told that am his real wife and if he decides not to marry me that he will never marry in his life according to what the brother told me....
So yesterday now he called again and said I should help him with two hundred thousand that he would pay me back next month that a friend promised him money.
I told him I don't have any money and since then he was no longer talking to me nor replying my chats.
Please madam am fed up.That was the reason for all this long text.Am tired.
I don't see myself loving him anymore.And since many guys has been asking me out for marriage and I turned them down.Please what do I do now.Is it true that I didn't seek for God wish before entering into this marriage just because we love each other but now am confused.Should I quit this marriage or still manage.Pls I need your counsel...

Dear sender,
I can only imagine all you have to contend with for loving him. I can tell you must have lost a lot trying to salvage this marriage.
In as much as he maybe in jail today, he is your husband, however you would need to examine this critically to enable you decide what is best for you in times like this.
Firstly, what is his jail term? How many more years would you have to wait for him to return if every other plans to either reduce or bring him out of jail fails.
Secondly, can you wait for him and endure the challenges that comes with knowing that your husband is in a confined place and you can do little to help him?
This would guide you in deciding whether to return his dowry to him or to endure and suffer with him.
None would be easy and do not expect that many would be happy with you but this is where love meets reality and have to take a decision against all odds.
He was there for you when you needed him most,provided all you needed and committed himself to you.
His desire to make the world beautiful and colourful for you was crushed when he was caught .
Will you be able to stand by him now that he needs you most?
Will you sacrifice your comfort to help him out of the jail?
Its up to you to decide and do what you can given the circumstances you have found yourself.
All the quarrel and misunderstanding you experience is normal because he is afraid of losing you so would love to control, intimidate and emotionally make you feel bad so that he can be assured you are there for him.
As for the praying to know whether you are his wife or not, I feel they should channel the prayers to helping their brother out of jail.
Do not be in a haste,take your time to examine all possible options you have and pray that God would guide you not to make any decision that will consume you.


  1. My advice: you should cut your loses now while you still can. Move on with you life. He choose the path of being a drug dealer, so he should face the consequences like a man and stop whining.

    If you are waiting for some mirage or some wonder to happen, it may not happen for you. Even is he is released today, things will not be easy for u. You should at 1st trust your initiative about this guy. My advice is face your carrier squarely & move on.

  2. My dear, I vividly understand what You and Your husband is going through... Madam Amy has already said it all without mincing words, but notwithstanding, I will like to add some few words, having a husband in prison is a stigma in our society, however, it's still possible to cope and get over this difficult time in Your life, I also understand that sometimes You might find it difficult to endure this trying time and still maintain a positive attitude towards Your husband, work place and everybody around You, I also understand that sometimes You might be living in hiding because You might be afraid the neighbors might find out and start asking the whereabouts of Your husband, and You will resort to lying that he is on a "business trip," to protect Yourself. After all, the neighbors would be shocked to know that a drug pusher's wife lives next door to them.

    My dear, I have seen and heard so many cases of our naija brothers serving jail terms, while some are already condemned to death in prison around the world... that makes me wonder just how many wives and loved ones are left behind and forgotten, please dear, just make Merry and rejoice that Your husband isn't giving a death penalty, someday some how, he will definitely be out, and You both can live happily ever after..

    Now dear, this is a way You can cope: Keep in close contact with Your husband, accept his phone calls, text messages and respond positively to his chats, if there is anything he ask of You and You can't be able to afford it, just explain to him in a very modest way, as he is currently emotionally traumatized, and this can make him to be too sensitive than normal, don't always over react in most of his ill-mannered behaviours, as he is bound to behave that way...

    Last but not the least, try to organize Your life, be useful to Yourself, keep Your self busy with something productive and stop thinking a lot...

    If eventually Your husband is finally released, please ask him to desist from drug trafficking, encourage him to turn a new leaf, to avoid any other story that touches the heart....

    I'm sending a positive thought to You and Your husband, he will soon gain back his freedom in Jesus name... Amen!!!! #JesusLovesYou

  3. Marriage is 4 better 4 worst why tink of leaving him now? Dis is d tym he needs u most & d least u can do 4 him now is 2 be d shoulder he can lean & cry on despite d quarrels & misundastnding. I knw it has not been easy wif u but dats lyf 4 u marriage is neva a bed of roses nah! With patience, faith & prayer 2 God almighty, u will get through dis oky! It's well wif u....

  4. Marriage is 4 better 4 worst why tink of leaving him now? Dis is d tym he needs u most & d least u can do 4 him now is 2 be d shoulder he can lean & cry on despite d quarrels & misundastnding. I knw it has not been easy wif u but dats lyf 4 u marriage is neva a bed of roses nah! With patience, faith & prayer 2 God almighty, u will get through dis oky! It's well wif u....

  5. So much love your advice aunty Amara...dear poster..carefully consider what Amara said.i know its not gonna be easy but I think that's the best thing to do now.may the lord give you strength as you continue to stand by is well with you

  6. Dear poster every marriage on this earth must have a prize to pay and difficult times. When the going was good you allowed him pay your bride prize,so its time to show that you did not just accept to marry him because of his circumstances then. This may be the prize you have to pay for the Love in this marriage to manifest. Am happy you have a job,so please never forsake this guy at this point .because you don,t know tomorrow.just keep praying for him.Had it been he was not caught on drugs and he came home successful you will not even mind.Probably he had a sophisticated wedding in mind for both of you.So pray he come out alive cos this same prisoner today can be a Multi billioner and a better person tomorrow.Be guided accordingly.


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