Friday, June 12, 2015

Why do Women Cheat?

Cheating husbands used to outnumber cheating wives, but not anymore. Both gender now cheat; the only difference is the motivation. It is a known fact that in having extra marital affairs, men search for more sex or attention, but most times, women look to fill an emotional void.

As a counselor, I encounter different issues and people on daily basis and this is why I have decided to write this article. We often make excuses for the man when he cheats; you even find the cheated partner making excuses for the cheat. This is not because she is happy about it or that she doesn't know the truth, but the society we are in has made us believe that a woman must take and accept everything.

Times are changing and we now live in the twenty first century where women see, hear, and do everything the man does. Mind you; I am not trying to make excuses for cheating or to encourage women to cheat. Cheating is an act that should be condemned by all. Nobody, male or female wants to be cheated. I also know there are women who have cheating in their blood and no matter what you do, they cheat.

I know our African society is one where I will be condemned for writing this, but it doesn't matter. Guys, this article is for your eyes to be opened to possible reasons why your wife do what she does. I want you to calm down, put away the male ego, and read this. If at the end of the day you find out there are areas where you are guilty, please do everything you can to help your wife.

Now,let us look at some of those reasons

Sex Addiction
This is a case of some kind of abnormality. If she's a woman whose libido is very high and who wants sex the way she wants food, the man may not be able to meet up with her constant demand for sex. When this happens,the woman goes for sex from anyone around- gateman and driver included.

Not Enough Sex
A good number of our men are still very far from the truth. Men still believe a woman doesn't need sex for anything but procreation.This makes men give her time during her child bearing years only to ignore her once she is done with babies. I have also seen men who live outside the country or away for their family, punish their wives and starve them of sex.The man enjoys himself all year round with different kinds of girls and comes home to the wife just two times in a year. Don't get it twisted; not all of them do, some are faithful. Now let us ask ourselves this question: Is the woman not a human being like the man? Does blood flow in her veins or not? Does she have emotional needs that must be met? Why then do we punish the woman?

Believe it or not, every woman wants to be told she is beautiful and sexy.Your wife could be acting like it doesn't matter to her but sir, please don't accept that as true. We see men spend so much and say what they don't mean just to woo a woman to marriage, but everything becomes strange and forgotten the moment she comes in and possibly drops one.This is actually the time she needs reassurance and appreciation. When last did you remind your wife how much you love her? When was the last time you took her out on a dinner date? When was the last time you looked straight into her eyes and reminded her she is your queen? I advise you do that now and regularly before someone else does it for you. Whatever you do, please don't forget; women thrive on words. Speak those sweet words into her ears today.

Revenge/payback for past wrongs
Women come to me for counseling and one thing I have realized is that truly, times have changed.These women now look straight into my eyes and tell me they must cheat. A woman whose infidelity is not hidden to anyone told me why she does what she does. According to this woman, she used to be very decent and godly until the day her husband gave her the beating of her life because of a girlfriend. This woman said the man beat her to unconsciousness and when she eventually recovered, she made up her mind to deal with him.Yes, they still live together and smile out there, but this very woman has been on rampage ever since. She is now into lesbianism. I spoke to get her to relieve herself of that hurt and pursue forgiveness for a new life, but she is not even ready to let go because she suffered for the wealth of this very man.
I am not making a case for infidelity, but when you see women who do these things try to find out why they are into it. Some men do terrible things to their wives that it can only take a woman with the heart of God to stay faithful. How many times have you beaten your wife just because she had issues with your house help and secretary? How many times have you battered her because she called your girlfriend? Am I saying she's right to have done that? I tell women not to go down that level because the person they have issues with is their spouse, not a woman outside. 

Feeling Neglected 
Our "great men of God" and top executives are mostly guilty of this.You jump from nation to nation and kingdom to kingdom preaching and winning souls while losing your own home. We now have our preachers move about town in convoy with their female assistants and protocol officers who are sometimes other people's wives. If you can move about with that woman, why not your wife? You keep giving her a thousand and one reasons why she must be home. We  agree she has to face the local church and the kids, but sir, is that a good enough reason to ignore a woman?

Mr "Damaging Director", when was the last time you took your woman out on a date or to a good resort for a weekend getaway? Do you think the fleet of cars and attendants at her beck and call are enough to give her the attention she desires? Do you think her numerous trips from Paris to the Caribbean are all she wants for true happiness? Don't worry, keep running after the money and friends, one little boy somewhere will assist you soon. Instead of you going home to your wife after work, you drive straight to the golf course and club where you spend time with friends till midnight. Whatever you do, always have this in mind; the woman is an emotional being who needs some kind of emotional attachment to exist happily.

Lack of Intimacy
Where is the intimacy in your relationship. Have you pushed her to that point where she can no longer depend on you emotionally? Every woman wants to feel protected and cared for emotionally. How much of your wife do you know? Are you aware she desires to share every moment and experience of her life with you? This is one of the issues I have with some hospitals where men are not allowed in the labour room. This is a very important stage in a relationship and should be shared together. The man should be able to go in there to appreciate the woman more. Some men don't even care what she  goes through during and after pregnancy. I respect men who attend ante-natal classes with their wives. Some men don't care even when the woman is sick. Sir, bringing ten of your mother-in-law will never fill that vacuum. If you can't, an ordinary cleaner in the hospital would. 

Bedroom Boredom
I wrote sometime about a woman who called telling me she was going to deny the man sexual pleasure because he doesn't care about her in the bedroom. To a good number of men, women are there to satisfy them and never to be satisfied. This woman told me how the man will always make her give him a blow job only for him to remember he is a titled chief when the woman asks for a suck. I tried to be sure it wasn't because of some bad odor from her vagina, and to my surprise, he has never done that for her. 

Guys, please keep your chieftaincy and religious titles away from your bedroom.Your woman must enjoy sex. Stop being selfish in the bedroom. Stop that mechanical banging; she craves proper lovemaking. It's not about you alone; it's about a married couple. She has her needs and wants to know what orgasm is; she's tired of just reading it. If you are not ready to make this come to pass, the next thing is for your money to be used because she has made up her mind to experience it.

Exit Strategy
Some women use this when they are tired of a relationship.They just want to be caught cheating because that is the only way they could spend time with that other man they have given their heart to.

Like I said earlier, cheating won't end now and there are women who must cheat. But sir, make sure you are not responsible for her action. 


  1. Mrs Van-Lare! Haven't you exposed it all...women are emotional beings!
    I pray never to cheat because I will never forgive myself, I only wish to get all the love and attention from my hubby.
    Men, women are quite simple to manage, problem is our African brothers are not ready to love their women in that special way because they believe it will 'demanise' them.
    well done ma.

  2. I love this and wish all the men in this world can just sit down and read it. God bless You ma

  3. Very interesting and incisive essay. You hit it right and a lot of men will learn from it, including me. Thanks.

  4. Thank u aunty amara,hw I wish all men could be able to read dis so dat dey will know what dey are doing n is makn dere what dey don't want to be..........

  5. I really appreciate you for this article, well done ma.

  6. Thanks luv. I listen to women and I sit and wonder how on earth were these men created. Too many women are unhappy with their marriages but put on a straight face and live their own lives.

  7. Thank you for this piece, God bless you

  8. Thank you for this piece, God bless you

  9. Well! Well! What shall we say to these things...? I left her for so long. Told her am done. When I thought of coming back others had gone there. She told me she had been with others but they her no more together, not because she knew I will come back but cos she was tired of them all. She said they always tell her the sweet words women love to hear but at the end they were not real, only telling her those to get to her. I felt devastated. I felt she was too weak a woman. I felt she was not a virtuos woman would could not hold on for few years. I hated her. In the midst of all these I suddenly realized I hv caused it. I exposed her. I made her open to be preyed upon by other men by the years I abandoned her. It was then I knew it was easy for a single not engaged lady to abstain from sex than for a married woman who has been neglected - in any form of neglect - by her husband. It kills a woman emotionally. I believe a man owes it a duty to make his woman happy n satisfied by all means possible. Atleast do your part as a man if the woman cheats afterwards, well, u have done ur part. So friends, the above is true story of a couple I know - intimately.

  10. When he had a job he would spend money that was meant for our kids on his collegue, buying her lunch and meeting IP with her behind my back. I comfronted him and he would say the lady was like a sister/mother to him. He one day accused me of cheating, he hit me so hard I felt my head spin. That's when I decided to seek attention elsewhere. Because no matter how good I was to him, he was giving attention to his so called sister/mother. No matter ho faithful I remained, I was accused. Maybe it was his giult eating him up, what hurts now is no matter how much I wish I didn't, the damage has already been done.


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