Thursday, November 19, 2015

Condition for Marriage: Pregnancy

Please  aunty help me, am in a confused  mind, I got married to this man  this, year September, when I met him he told everything, he was  open me, he told  he was once married  but he sent  his  wife packing  bcos she was not able to give him a child  n d problem is from the lady n dat  she is not humble  at all, she made him  rejected  all his family  members bcos of  this  lady, he even insulted his mother  bcos of dis lady. His mother  died bcos of heart break from him, so he told  me all this n  said to me if I get pregnant for him he will marry  me, which  he did these September, he has already  told  the lady parents  that  his longer  interested in the marriage n that they should forget about the bride price he paid, that if d lady sees husband  that she  should get married, him too Wil do otherwise . But my problem  is  whether I did d right thing by marrying him. We re happy together  n his brothers  n sisters  appreciate  me n approve of the marriage. I told  my friend  n she said  if he has sent her packing traditionally that I am free to  marry  him. Mind you he has  sent her packing bf I met him. Was I right to have  married  him.

Dear Young Woman,
Don't you think you are late in seeking counsel? You should have asked this question before the celebration. Nothing will change if I tell you the truth. But, I am going to speak this truth, not because of you and not for you. This counsel I am about to give is for those who may come back in future with your kind of question. If you think you have made a mistake, the fact is that it's too late to make amends and so the best you can do for yourself is to accept your situation and make your marriage work. Regrets won't do any good at this stage. 

Now, I want to make it plain that no man who loves a woman gives pregnancy as condition for marriage. No man who has regard for womanhood will ever open his mouth, the mouth he used to suck the breasts of a woman, and vomit such. Don't tell me our forefathers did that. Our forefathers saw women as slaves and mere properties. If all he wants from you is a child, what makes you think he won't face his life after getting that child from you? What makes you think he won't send you packing as well if anything happens to that child? What makes you think another girl with very low self-esteem will not be picked up tomorrow? 

I saw your picture and if that is you, you are too young to be this desperate. A man sent his wife away because she couldn't give him a child and so you, the baby-making factory took her place. Who told you her character was bad? What if she was hated by the family because she couldn't give them a child? What a shame. Did you for once think of life after that baby? I wish you well my dear. But what if God decides to show Himself God? This same man has not even gone back to collect bride price and you think that the first wife is still not the wife? If he married her in church or court, did he show you any paper for the final dissolution of their marriage?

It's sad, very sad, how some of us bring disgrace to womanhood. We are trying to be seen and treated as human beings, but people like you are the reason why some men see women as their play thing. Where is your self-esteem?

Like I said earlier, it's too late for you to seek counsel. According to you, the wedding took place in September. I wish you well and a big congratulations from me. I don't think you should be seeking this counsel. I believe there's something pushing you to seek my advice but whatever it is, my advice is this: Congratulations! You're in it, enjoy it and make it work. Good luck 

For others who are not yet into this, take my counsel and please talk to yourself. Desperation kills.


  1. I couldn't ended to read your story also I don't.know old are you but I can say you have been careless that's why he took you as a doll my dear thanks the Lord for what happened to you what turns into a wise lady we always learned from all of those bad things we faced it also I knew by tomorrow you should more careful. Bye

  2. Is really unfortunate how girls these days are just desperate to put wedding ring on their fingers without thinking how the journey of marriage looks like. To all the single ladies don't forget that the sound of bitter cola is different from the taste. If you know what I mean, never you allow the devil to use you as an instrument to brake people's marriage. For those of you that use charm to marry your fellow lady husbands hmhmhmh am happy God is grater than all your charm put together.

  3. Young lady I really feel for you, hmhmhmh so you think you are fertile that's why you took over your fellow woman husband. Don't forget that the woman you took her home will be crying, fasting and praying day and night just to make sure you will not find peace. I pray God open your eyes so you can see what you have done.....

  4. I wonder y she's seeking for advice at dis time... It's indeed a shame. Hav u asked urself how u ll feel if u were 2 be dat first wife... Goodluck anyways


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