Sunday, August 21, 2016

My Parents Suggested that I Return to My Ex.

I met A** January 2013 through a friend, they both work in the same company. He collected my number from me, after some days he called me and asked me to be his wife, that he is not getting any younger, he was 34 years old and I was 27 years old. I accepted, he returned from work on the 14th of February 2013, Val's day,
I visited him, for the first time we make love and the following month I miss my period, I was pregnant.
I told him and he asked me what plans I have for the pregnancy, and I told him I will have the baby, he said no problem.
We did Introduction between both families but no wedding yet, we were living happily until I put to bed. After a month, he started behaving strange, like not staying at home, he doesn't play or gist with me, always with his friends, he won't give me money to eat, not even to buy diapers. When I complained, he beat me up, disgraced me in the presence of family and friends.
I got fed up and packed out of his house when my baby was eight months old. He didn't even bother to ask after his son but my family members was just worrying me to go back that maybe when I had two kids for him he will be serious. So after a week I went back to the house, trying to please him in different ways but I couldn't. Not long I took in for the second time but he was not happy, I went through hell before the delivery of that child.
After delivery he continued, beat me outside and inside his house. I couldn't bear it again, this time I had to pack all my belongings and leave his house before he kills me, and my baby was three months old then, while the first one is one year and eleven months.
Since we left he do call me, ask after his children, send money to us, from six to ten thousand naira for every two weeks till now. It's exactly nine months we separated, none of his family members called me, not even his mum.
Now my people are now telling me again to go back because of my children, because whenever they fall sick and they hear their father's voice they will be okay.
The senior one now use to cry that he wants to see his daddy, we travelled to the state where he lives, when he saw his dad he followed him home. Now am confused.

That a man asked you to be his wife doesn't make you his wife, that he had a revelation of you as his wife doesn't make you his wife. Even if your pastor or his prophet decreed that you are his wife, you are still not his wife. 
That he came for an introduction to your family doesn't also make you his wife. Have sex with him, get pregnant for him or at worst, live in the same roof with him, you are not his wife. 
The only thing that makes you his wife is when he pays your bride prize,  and your family releases you to live with him as man and wife. 
Having children for him won't make him to marry you, and living with him won't make him to respect you or treat you with dignity and gratitude. Rather he may treat you as a desperate lady who lured him into taking responsibilities he was never prepared for. 
Even if the whole world rejects you, please do not reject yourself. Even if nobody sees anything good in you, please appreciate your life and treat yourself with the love that nobody shares with you. Even if nobody believes in your personality, please believe in yourself, and strive to be a better version of yourself. 
For your family to continue pushing you to a man who is clearly out to destroy your life and crush everything that is alive in you only shows that they don't even appreciate you as a human being. 
The real truth that nobody else will tell you is that you are not married to him, you don't owe him any allegiance, and you don't need to continue giving him sex every night while he beats you everyday. 
What I will suggest that you do is discuss with the father of your children on ways to take good care of your children and meet up with their needs. They can visit him and stay with him when it's necessary but please do not continue with this mess, it's not just the best you can get. 
For three years now you have been with him in this mess and nothing good have come out of it except your children. That's enough torture, get hold of yourself and think of ways to develop yourself, and be relevant to your children and the society at large. 
If he doesn't see the need to pay your dowry and make you his legitimate wife, please do not continue to offer free service with horrible terms and conditions.
Your friend pushed you to him, and your parents continued with the pushing. Thankfully you have two children for him, and I feel that now is the best time to push yourself and go for what you deserve. 
At 30 years of age, you should know better that you are the architect of your own destiny and future. Don't settle for less if you have the opportunity to get the best. 
And any man who batters you, starves you, embarrasses you, and maltreats you is not deeply in love with you, rather he's only managing you, and perhaps is looking for a way to replace you either by bringing another lady or by humiliating the you. 
So don't listen to the advice of your parents to return to him because not only will you have your third child, but I am not so sure that you will come out in good condition. 

1 comment:

  1. You yourself know what is going to be good for your children, nobody has the right to dictate that to you. Being a battered wife and being beaten up in front of friends and family is enough torture. Your EX does not respect you as a woman, as a human being and as a mother of his children. Just like what is discussed in grab my essay writing service you should move on, your children are too young to understand, because once they get other and they see their father beating their mother, they will be traumatized.


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