In 2009, I was in my first year in the university and so was this girl. I used to admire her from a distance until in April that year I finally got the opportunity to talk to her. We became friends and I really liked her. She was 17 years and I was 20 years. I tried to make her my girlfriend but she said she was with someone already. I didn't want to loose the friendship so we decided to stay friends but on a platonic surface. She was still a virgin then, and honestly I wasn't really after sex, I just liked her and wanted to be the only man in her life.
As the years go by, the friendship wasn't as close as it used to be in our first year, but we still talked once in a while, and what I felt for her never changed, not one bit. Then it used to trouble my heart that the girl I really love doesn't feel the same way about me, rather she chose to be with another. And most of all I believed that she was no longer dating that guy she was with during our first year - she must have been with another person or something I was sure of that - while I was still friend-zoned. I tried as much as possible to get rid of the feelings I have for her. I dated a couple of girls, but still I'm stuck with this feeling I have for this girl. She gives me the kind of friendship that I've always wanted... We played a lot, cracked a lot of jokes together, and she used to come to my house too.
Petting women is not really my specialty, but whenever I'm with this girl, I become an expert. I even had to cut the fish in her plate into pieces so she won't have a hard time eating them. My mom, my siblings, and my friends like her a lot, they ask me about her often, but one thing they don't know is that we were never in a relationship.
In 2014, after we graduated and were still doing our projects, she came to town and of course came to my house to see me. My mum and my siblings really welcomed her well. A lot of people were surprised that after five years we were still together (because they thought we were in a relationship), I was really proud of her so I didn't tell anyone we were nothing but "just friends". She stayed in town for a couple of days and we saw each other everyday.
One of those days we were at the restaurant, she kissed me a couple of times right there in public and confessed that all those years that she had always loved me. I was confused - of course I had to be. I told her it wasn't too late, that we could still work something out and be together that my feelings for her never changed - and truly it hasn't.
She told me that it doesn't take only love for two people to be together. I tried my best to persuade her but she insisted and said I should just forget it. {The day before, we went to a place where we took palm wine, and when she got a little tipsy, she asked me if I wanted to have sex. Having sex with her would be the greatest feeling but certainly not in that manner. If it were another girl I wouldn't hesitate to take her home immediately for a bumpy ride. But instead I decided to take her home (to her sister's place where she stays whenever she comes to town) so she could shower and rest. I even had to wait downstairs for her to go in, shower and come outside for me to make sure she was okay before I left}.
Still there at the restaurant, she told me she came to town because she was having problems with her boyfriend and wanted to clear her mind, and that she doesn't want the guy to come looking for her. He was a student too and I'm sure she started dating him during those years I was trying to win her heart, but okay, no comments.
After we finished with school, she travelled back to her base (Lagos) for good, but we're both from the east. She did her NYSC before me because of a little set-back I had after graduating. Since then our communication further reduced, but of course I still feel the same way about her, and now I'm beginning to think it's crazy. It's been two years since I saw her and we've not had the most healthy communication since then. Now, I have known this girl for seven years plus and yet I'm still crazy about her. I'm good with words and also with women (though I'm not a womanizer), but I never would have believed I could be stuck on a girl like this.
Now, I believe I've gotten to a stage in my life when I need to be very selective with women because whenever I date a girl now she talks about the future - marriage. But the thing is, if I'm asked right now to choose a girl I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with among all the girls I've known in my life, it wouldn't even take me a second to mention her name. And there lies the challenge I'm facing right now.
I want to start communicating closely with this girl again but this time I want it to be in a more advanced level, but I really don't know how to kick it off. I want her to be my wife in the future because I'm always happy and fulfilled whenever I'm with her, and that's why I'm finding it difficult to generate a perfect formula for this. Of course she's still single.
It's difficult for me because whenever I think of it a lot of questions come to my mind...questions like - What if she's now in a very serious relationship? What if she's now engaged? Would she still feel we're not meant to be together just like she did before? Would the distance be a barrier - because I live in the east? Would she desire a much more wealthier and made man to be her future husband? The last time I called she doesn't even have my number anymore, and I know thoughts of me is not even anywhere near her mind. It's much more difficult for me right now because since I started thinking of the possibilities of her becoming my wife in the future, thoughts of her occupy my head everyday just as the clouds occupies the sky. Not as if getting married is top of my priority now, but because I believe that we will be a perfect couple, and that if she gives me a chance, it wouldn't take time for this crazy love I have for her to become mutual. As it is now if things eventually fall into place, sex can wait until our honeymoon, I'm serious.
I really need your most honest advice. And also from your followers and fans who are experienced. And I'll like to keep you posted on whatever is going on. If I eventually succeed in this, I'll make sure you hear about the wedding, anytime it will be. And I'll be glad to tell people how much you helped. Thanks and God bless.
I don't believe in procrastination and in wishful thinking. It's best to try and fail than to have millions of excuses why you shouldn't try.
The painful thing about your mail is that many good men are in your shoes hoping, wishing, praying and planning how to express their feelings while the bad men are actually getting married to these beautiful ladies and destroying their lives.
I don't want to preach so much on this because your mail full of so much love and I can only pray and hope that God grants your heart desire.
Here are what I suggest that you do.
- Share this mail on her timeline.
- Call her up and schedule for a date.
- Prepare yourself, get a friend you can stay with in Lagos, and visit Lagos. Tag this your journey of love
- Take her out, make it as modest as possible and please you don't need to be ashamed to express yourself.
- Find out if she's in a relationship, whether serious, unserious or single.
- If she's in a relationship, let her know that you will respect her decision but that you see your wife in her.
- If she's not in a serious relationship, then you may share your vision for the relationship and your plans for her, and then encourage her to write to me.
Above all, don't give up on your convictions for her because of your fears.
What she needs is not a rich man, but a man who loves her skeleton more than her flesh.
What she needs is not a man who will make her take booze to clear off her head but a man who will go extra mile to make her feel loved and happy.
I believe that it's not late for you to give your all to win your heart. There is no barrier to partners who are in love with each other.
Please wake up from writing poems of love and give your time to win her heart, you will definitely be glad that you did.
Sometimes we spend time pursing what we want at the expense of what we need, and this is exactly what you're going through.
If she's meant for you, she'll definitely be there for you and if she's not meant for you, then you will take solace to the fact that you gave your best to win her heart.
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