Thursday, September 8, 2016

Why The Betrayal?

Mummy am so broken right now, never been this heart broken before.... To think that a man I have given eight years of my life would do this to me is heart breaking and is affecting my brain.... To think that he engaged me just last month without letting me
know that he got a girl pregnant and the baby is 3 years old...
After all my struggles with him, where do I start from? I never imagined that I will be taken care of someone else's child... He said he has been so scared to lose me that's why he couldn't tell me... He even threatened his family he would hurt anyone that tries to make me find out, and him losing me...
What do I do ma? Everyone knows about my engagement... Wish he told me before giving me the ring.... How do I find peace knowing a man I love can hide such a thing from me for three whole years... Was my labour all in vain? ....
The mum spoke with me that mistakes are bound to happen, that I should forgive, that he has nothing with the girl... Why the betrayal? I have invested my time in this relationship.... What do I do ma? ... Please talk to me....

I feel your pains because I truly understand all you have sacrificed to support him and strengthen your relationship with him. Read»» should I help him stand? I feel your pains more because it seems as though you're dealing with a man who have so much to share and chose to keep you in the dark. 
Looking at your lovely engagement ring, I'm tempted to ask whether he's as genuine as the ring on your finger. 
But it's not entirely beyond remedy and you still have all the freedom to return the ring to him if you feel that you cannot cope with this betrayal. 
Having a baby is not the problem, but choosing to keep the baby's information a secret for three years in your relationship is what I feel is inappropriate and discouraging. 
Now you're faced with the realities of his personality, and will need to make some critical evaluation of the relationship to decide whether you can cope with him and his baby or to return his ring to him and move on with your life. 
Will you find a place in your heart to forgive him and accept him as your companion? 
Will you trust him with all your heart with hope that he won't cheat on you? 
Will you accept his child as part of your bond with him and love his child as much as you would love your own? 
Will you still give that respect, regards, appreciation, and selfless devotion to him even with this information? 
Will your love for him overcome this murky phase of your relationship? 
Please do not allow anyone or anything or the society to push you into getting married to him or pretend to be happy if you know that you cannot cope with this revelation. 
It may not be so easy but if you are willing to give your heart to this, I believe that God will give you the grace to manage the situation. 
I know that it's a difficult moment for you because the presence of a child will most likely affect the dynamics of your intimacy with him but it can still be managed with maturity and wisdom. 
Sometimes the challenge of this kind of scenario includes the interference from maybe the mother of the child, the man may love the child more than the wife, the child may reject the wife and bring distress in the marriage, and sometimes the mother may have an influence on the man which will have an impact on the marriage. 
If you wish to continue with him, please both of you have to sit down and plan for his child, when to bring him into your home, his plans for the child, and how he hopes to cater for his child in addition to other children that both of you will have. 
But if you feel that you cannot cope with him, please be honest enough to return the ring to him and move on with your life, especially if you know that you cannot trust him anymore and you cannot love his child and take good care of his child as you would take care of yours.
Again, I feel deeply sorry for this and can only hope that you make the best decision on this. 
Don't look at the number of years you invested in the relationship, the important question is whether you will find happiness and fulfilment in life if you wish to continue with him, if you can't, please don't push yourself beyond your capacity.

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