Friday, October 7, 2016

Did I Insult My Fiancé?

Good morning Aunty Amara,  please I want you to counsel on this case.... If I am to tell my fiance " am in your life to also help you build your empire and not just to eat from it" is it a bad intention or word to say... Because he felt like he's being insulted .... Please am I to say " am to destroy his empire or what?

The scenario that led to this is that we had a misunderstanding based on the emphasis that he likely uses a favour he renders to me to talk back at me which is already getting to my nerves and I feel saddened by that attitude of his which I had pleaded with him to desist from helping me out with any favour at all, and I never ask for because I work and do foot my bills all time...
These favours is in form of sending me money sometimes and recharging my subscription few times and these he does voluntarily because I never asked for it and I greatly appreciate all the time he voluntarily does same but afterwards he puts up that act of making it look like am helpless or whatever his perception could be...
Just like I told him, I never presumed him to be my moneybag, none of my boyfriends had been and would ever be but if willingly he wants to help out financially, I gladly accept but as it stands now, I don't ever want to receive any of it anymore....
Please help me address this issue urgently because it's raising a lot of dust, I need other men's opinion on this too.. Thanks

Because I know that you will read my thoughts on this, please permit to share a word or two with you.
Any man who willingly reaches out to his partner to encourage, support, assist and appreciate her in any little way is a good man with a good intentions. It shows that you truly value the moments, time and the experiences that you share with your partner. This is commendable.
However whenever you remind her of all that you did for her, you make a mockery of her personality, and make her feel like a slave or a beggar who have no choice but to always beg for your favor.
It also makes her feel intimidated and disgraced because she has no idea how many people that knows what you did for her. It also portrays you as an egocentric man whose intentions is to seek the praise of your partner at all times. She will find it difficult to approach you for help whenever she's in need and will rather choose to approach her friends than to confide in you.
If your intentions for giving or supporting her is to use the kind gestures against her personality, then it's not wise for you to help her. If your intentions for helping her is to use that same kind gesture to taunt, mock, and humiliate her personality, then you may need to work on your attitude towards giving.
Every good deed that you do to anyone around you is not for that person but to God. Whenever you give, you are giving unto God, whenever you sacrifice for her, you are sacrificing unto God, whenever you wish to appreciate her, always remember that you're appreciating God, and he is the one that will reward you for your good works and not your partner.
Please quit the habit of always singing your praise to her and making her feel intimidated by your deeds.
Learn to give her to freedom to share her thoughts and suggestions with you, and even if you don't appreciate her suggestions, appreciate her time and good intentions.
Her statement isn't a bad intentions and based on what she described, your attitude was what prompted her to let you know that she's not particularly after your wealth but also wish to synergize with you to succeed in your life endeavours.

I am personally not happy with the tone of your mail. You need to learn how to communicate your views without disrespecting your partner.
You need to understand that men are very very sensitive to the way and manner you communicate your thoughts. You shouldn't be giving your partner commands and instructions, that is clearly not how God designed women to talk to their partner.
Granted that your partner offended you by the way he talked about his assistance to you, you should learn to be soothing whenever you communicate with him.
You can say something like, since you always make me feel low and terrified of myself with your support, I will suggest that you don't support me again, and allow me to solve my problems.
But to use words like 'I don't ever', that sounds disrespectful for a man you hope to spend the rest of your life with.
Please work on the way and manner you communicate with your partner so that you don't provoke him to anger.

1 comment:

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