Monday, November 7, 2016

A Mail From A Happy Single Lady.

Good evening Aunty Amara, am really not here to seek for advice but to really appreciate you for all  the advice and counsel you give to us both the singles and the married. Your advice has really helped me a great deal and am forever indebted to you. I just wish to share my story and experience and maybe it might help someone out there.
I wrote to you around March about a guy asking for my hand in marriage. We started a relationship in December 2015 and he proposed in March saying he really wanted to settle down and I accepted.
He took me to see his family and they all welcomed me. I told my mum about him and she kind of disapproved, giving all sorts of reasons ranging from his kind of work(he was a civil servant), he had no masters degree, the woman of God that prayed said he is not the one ,bla bla..... I kept talking to my mum and kept on praying about it. I even did 21 days midnight prayers and fasting concerning it while still studying him to really know the kind of person he was and I can categorically say that prayers helped me see those things I wasn't taking note of initially at the beginning of the relationship.
First and foremost he is a hot tempered man who always wanted things to go his own way and at his own pace. I practically had no say. I  remember a time I went over to his place one weekend, he stayed in Enugu while I stayed in Lagos ( chai things we do for love),  a male family friend of mine called me and after receiving the call, the next thing was  for him to start accusing me of having an affair with the guy.
I tried telling him who the guy was but he wouldn't believe, he kept on shouting, raising his voice and even took my phone and called the guy asking him who he was to me. I was so embarrassed, still he didn't believe the guy.
Next out of anger he started throwing things, scattering and turning things upside down, I just had to run out of the room. He was a chronic choleric.
Another thing about him was that he was practically a rapist on bed. The first night I visited, he asked for sex which I refused and he got angry after so many arguments, he finally slept on the floor since I didn't give in. The next day same thing, I refused but this time he forced his way in, I cried cos I hated him for doing that. Anytime he wants sex, all he does is say "oya remove your clothes", and I must comply if not he will tear my clothes and he wasn't interested in knowing if am ready or not, we mostly fought during sex, still he would have his way. After the act, he just sleeps back or wakes up and starts dressing up for work. It was horror.
Let me also add that during my investigations, I came across his employment letter and found out that he earns N20,000 as salary. I was surprised cos this is a guy that spends like he works in an oil company, he drinks alcohol a lot almost everyday at least 3-4 bottles. He had smokers, womanisers as friends. Even when I talk to him to try and reduce his spending and try saving and even his drinking habit, he will just say baby don't worry I will stop, for where he didn't ooo.

Another problem he had was that I dared not miss his calls or else ....... It was tug of war, anytime I missed his calls, he would shout and quarrel me for missing his calls, and ask me where the hell I have been that I refused to answer his calls, it wasn't a funny something.

His spiritual life was nothing to write home about ooo, he only goes to church on Sunday's and that is it, no personal relationship with Christ. Our values and beliefs were just different. He never believed in a woman getting a job or doing something for herself even before marriage. After school, a lady should just marry and that's it.
There were so many other things but let me just stop here.

Looking at all these attributes he possessed, I just told myself I couldn't cope with them. My mum never had a good marriage, though my parents are still together but they are just living together and so I also prayed to have a good and happy marriage where I would be treated right, and my kids won't have to ask me what I was thinking when I married their father cos sometimes I do ask my mum that. Am glad I walked away, gave him back his engagement ring and broke up with him in April . Am a happy single woman and am loving my life, discovering myself and also learning new skills.
I learnt never to visit a guy in his house, am never going to try to travel that long distance to visit a guy (he would rather do the visiting), am not ready to risk my life on the road for any man and no to sex before marriage even though he is my second guy.
Also never ignore the warning signs. I would also say prayer helps cos it opened my eyes to a lot of things I took for granted initially. I also learnt to listen to my parents especially on the issue of marriage. Am grateful I did. I also sought for counsel from older people who have been there before me and they gave me wise counsel. And to you Aunty Amara, your counsel was of immense help to me. Am really grateful.
Right now I feel sooo good . Just this October last month I found out that he got married, well I wasn't surprised cos with him anything is possible. God knows am really happy for them especially the lady cos I don't envy her one bit, I have read and heard enough stories of bad marriages and am glad I called off the engagement.
Thank you and God bless.

I thank God for his mercies and grace in your journey. I pray for greater wisdom, understanding, discernment and deep insight to help you decipher those who genuinely loves you and those who are out to destroy you. 
Don't settle for less when God has promised you someone better, expect the best and work towards being a better wife to your husband. 
By his grace, you will definitely meet a man who will love you endlessly and care about your happiness and fulfilment in life.

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