Thursday, November 24, 2016

I Am Scared Of Getting Married To A Wrong Partner.

Good day Aunty Amara, to begin with God bless you for the good work you're doing. I'm a lady of 25 years in a relationship that I have decided to walk out of. Firstly, I had a rough childhood (a child full of life and then happens to be raped by trusted neighbours, faced several kind of abuse in the hands of men and ladies too. 

I saw myself some years into my mid childhood doing that with my friends as I was told by my older neighbours they are playing with me because they love me. I did same with my friends and cousin too). As I turned a teenager, miraculously I hated such a life as I came to understand that all the ugly incidents in my childhood was abuse and molestation. I prayed a prayer to God to keep me till I'm married. 
I never had a boyfriend as my mates did. I hated men and detested the idea of been married to one until my spiritual father prayed and encouraged me to have a change of mind. I did that and along the years men began to come for my hand in marriage. 
I had to turn down some, a particular one two years ago came that God said I was his wife but he does not want me and that I will trouble his life, ( that brought pain to my heart and I turned him down; he took my name around and issues came up. Thank God it's bygone now). 
Do I tell whoever I get to be in a relationship with the whole issue or just tell them that I was raped or molested. It brings tears to my eyes often. No one believes whenever I tell them my story as I look nothing like it.
I told him the story too but he changed a lot but I'm not comfortable being in the relationship as he gets to be defensive and flighty whenever an issue comes up. I always apologise whenever I offend him but this last one he offended me and I told him all about it and how I felt about it. He became really angry because I addressed him in stern manner. 
He doesn't respect me as he tries to challenge the boundaries I set. I have had issues with him on that (mostly calling me once it's past ten), he is not the type that cares about your feelings too (my birthday came up in November last year and he switched off his phone, not even a message. I told him I didn't appreciate it and then he finally sent one and then this year he played busy no message too). 
He said hi celebrant on Facebook and called to greet later that day. I never requested for anything just love, attention, and respect not money as I hate someone making reference to help offered me or making one feel he has to give me money. Nothing physical between us just the relationship and us. I have tried to say I'm sorry yet he shuts me out after the last misunderstanding. He avoids chatting now and only sends message purely on a certain business stand. I have decided to move on as I don't really understand him and blowing up issue. Marriage I know is forever till death and I am scared of ending up in a wrong one.

Dating someone who doesn't appreciate your personality and the experiences that has moulded you into the lady you are today is like punishing yourself for being you. 
He may claim to love you but his perception, opinions, and attitudes towards you doesn't reflect his confession of love. 
I feel that you should move on with your life, take your time and invest in friendship before venturing into relationship. 
There is a need for you to forgive those who abused and molested you at a tender age, so that you can grow to love your imperfect perfection, and give love a chance to heal you of your pains. 
I believe that you deserve better, please hold unto God and allow him to perfect every aspect of your personality.

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