Thursday, December 22, 2016

Should I Get A Concubine to Meet My Sexual Needs?

I met my wife when we were in secondary school in the 70s. We didn't have any sexual relationship because she was afraid of pregnancy. I agreed to that too because it was against the norm in those days especially if you are in a missionary school.

However, I finished two years ahead of her and started working immediately. When she finished, she also got a job and our relationship became stronger and approved by both families. But still we never had sex.
I was not too worried about it, but I observed that she does not like being romantic.
We eventually had our first sexual experience almost five years into the relationship. Not too long after this, we got married. I now discovered that she detests love making. I tried to encourage her to no avail.
I could not hug her, could not kiss her, dislikes all the intimacies that leads a couple into lovemaking. I had to beg her for days before I can make love to her, and even when she eventually agrees, there is no excitement in her. I can't touch her breast.
This has continued over the years. We have three children who are grown up now. I tried many ways to get her out of this abnormal behaviour but she refused.
From the books I have read, the movies and documentaries I have watched, I concluded that she is suffering from "FRIGIDITY "
The situation is so worse now that she gets irritated at my touches or closeness.
We have since stopped having children. Our last child is already in the University and I thought this is the best time for us to really enjoy love making but I always face frustration as wouldn't let me touch her.
Amara, I'm considering having a woman friend because I need to exercise myself as a man.
What do you think?

Every marriage is a closed box, what is inside it is unknown to anyone, but time reveals them to the couple. Apart from her sexual unresponsiveness, I want to believe that both of you have come a long way in your marriage, and have had many reasons to appreciate the beauty, fulfilment, and peace of mind that both of you share with each other. 
Granted that your sexual satisfaction is your right in your marriage, getting a woman friend to meet your sexual need will not solve the sexual challenges in your marriage. It may expose you to extramarital challenges like getting sexually transmitted infections, getting another lady pregnant, or destroying the sacredness of your marriage. 
I won't be able to pinpoint exactly what your wife is experiencing and I will suggest that you encourage her to write to me here. It could be that she's circumcised, or that she had a painful experience in the past or that she has a negative perception of sex or that she doesn't enjoy sex as she ought to.
I believe that with right counsel and guidance she can improve on her sexual intimacy and give you one more reason to love her and stick to her for the rest of your life. 
Kindly encourage you wife to write to me here so that I can have a word or two with her and understand what she's dealing with.

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