Sunday, July 23, 2017

I'm Practically Losing My Mind As I Obey His Orders!

Hello ma, good evening to you,  and thanks for touching and changing lives through this platform.
I need your advice please, I have been married to my husband for five years now with kids. He is a caring man who I believe loves me. He takes care of the kids and I well, I practically lack nothing; and he frequents Nigeria from time to time as he stays abroad.
I have never seen him receive calls from a female, I go through his chats and messages cos he gave me password to his gadgets and have mine too.
The problem I'm having with him is Trust and Insecurity; immediately after our wedding he requested for my Facebook password which I gave to him knowing fully well that I had nothing to hide.
But I discovered the next morning that he changed my password and blocked me from Facebook without even telling me. He told me he dosen't want me on any social media when I confronted him.
He stopped me from keeping friends and made me do away with the few I had. He mandated me to stop applying makeup except powder and lip gloss, stopped me from applying nail polish and making hairs of my choice.
He smashed my phone because of the picture i took with snapchat saying it's for prostitutes. I'm practically losing my mind as I always obey his orders and then no inner happiness with me.
He beat me up in front of his parents and siblings in the village when we travelled for Christmas because I applied my sisters's nude lipstick for his friend's wedding. He appologised and have never tried hitting me again till date.
I dont go for weddings and occasions, the few I attend, we must quarrel about it. I'm tired ma please I need your advice. Thanks. 

When I read your mail, I cringed because you are experiencing what is called the modern day slavery in the name of marriage. 
He practically converted you to a manequine, and have reduced your life to his paycheck and house slave. 
I can imagine how horrible your life is turning out all because you are married to him, because such a man won't allow you to pursue your dreams or even give you the freedom to be you and be happy. 
I sincerely empathize with you, but unfortunately you have to find your way around this horrible manipulation from your husband because if you don't speak up, you may die of depression. 
You need to consider talking to someone who he listens to or respects to talk into his senses to avoid driving you insane. You need to engage your family or a respected elder into your marriage to avoid suffocating of depression. 
This is sincerely unhealthy, and whatever be his reason for treating you this way, it is sincerely unacceptable and unhealthy to you as a human being.
I wouldn't know if you saw these signs and decided to go for his wealth or you were taken unawares by his attitude. Whatever  be the case, please open up and share your frustrations with him. He needs to stop punishing you in this manner because the reaction may be worse than what he's trying to protect himself from.
I just pray and hope that your speaking up won't lead to another domestic violence, but that's the only way out of this depression you're sliding into. 
I wish you the best, and hope that things gets better for you in your marriage. One vital lesson from your experience is that money, after all, doesn't really give happiness in marriage.

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