Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Should I Avoid Her and Entertain other Ladies?

Good evening ma, I wanted to share with you something bothering me.
I've been dating a girl for seven months now, and we both have intentions of getting married. I've never loved any lady like I love my girlfriend. I wish to speak to her everyday, wish to see her smile every time. She's the most important person in my life aside my family, and I keep telling her and treating her as such. She's my joy, smile, present, and my future. In short, she's my life. I love this girl dearly.

But there's an issue. She's that type who seems to enjoy the attention given her by other men. Aside from bearing the title of boyfriend, I don't really feel different from any of her other male friends. She misses my calls overnight, but wakes up the next morning to post pictures on Facebook, awaiting comments and likes. And in about 50% of the cases I have to call back only for her to tell me she's busy and she's got things to do.
When she's with me, she's a different girl altogether. She's sweet and lively. But the moment we're not together she's back to her Facebook life.
She can pick up my call, tell me she's busy and she'll back. Most of the time she doesn't.
I advised her calmly, even with scenarios, on countless occasions why her attitude can be problematic for our relationship but she's still not changed. I try my very best not to talk about it angrily. I speak about it calmly but she ends up making me feel like either I talk too much, I'm too domineering or I don't want to trust her.
The other thing is, I avoid girls on a regular basis all for her sake...and she knows this because I send her screenshots and even she had a chat with one of the girls.
I don't know why I keep avoiding other girls and prevent them from getting closer while she does the opposite.
But if she goes wrong and I stop answering her calls, she can call for about ten times with text messages in between telling me how she can't afford to lose me etc, and because I can't bear the thought of her going through pains, I quickly make amends.
She seems to me as someone who cannot make time to call or chat with me unless she's completely idle. She just entered university pursuing education in accounting. I'm a final year medical student. It's painful to consider that even with my busy schedule and comparatively more tasking academic demands, I make time for my angel but she can go two to five days without contacting me when "busy" .
And she's protective over her phone too. She tells me she doesn't go through mine so why will I want to go through hers? But my phone is always accessible to her and I've never stopped her from going through it.
So it makes me suspicious as to the kind of conversation she engages in with those "friends" on Facebook and Whatsapp.
She's a virgin... I told her when I met her that I want to keep her a virgin till I marry her. It's not like I'm a virgin too (I've changed girls in the past but I've stopped now and want to take this girl seriously....and she knows)
Please I want your candid advice. How else can I make her understand that it takes effort to be in a serious relationship? I love her very very much and I want to make her my wife but I'm so so concerned about her dedication. Should I start avoiding her? Should I also start entertaining other girls? I really need your advice ma. 


It's possible that she's treating you this way because she knows how much you love her. It's also possible that she's not entirely into you which is why she is not committed to you. It is also possible that she's only with you because of what she gains from you, and not because she's in love with you. 
As much as she have a right to her privacy, I feel that she could do better if she genuinely desires the relationship as much as you invest your emotion and time in her. 
Here is what I suggest, give her some time and space, and quit communicating with her. Let your actions send a message of a busy medical student who also doesn't have all the time to chat or call her all the time. Also make friends with females and get friendly with as many people as you wish to. 
The truth is, there's no guarantee that you will end up with her, so if she's playing safe, please play safe yourself, and then allow her to decide if you are more important to her or her friends. 
Don't under any circumstances beg for the attention or affection of a lady you love. If she's not willing to commit herself to the relationship, then you should take a a walk from the unhealthy relationship.

4 comments:

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  2. Am so sorry brother for the hurt. I can see from your write up how much you love this girl. Please note that true Love is not one sided and it takes two to tangle. Trust me when i say that she's not into you as you are (Am using myself as an example). The reasons she's hanging with you is best known to her. So try looking elsewhere to see if she will seriously come around and if she doesn't, please move before is too late to let go.

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