Thursday, November 9, 2017

I Regret Getting Married to Him!

I am 29 years old and I got married last year August. Currently I am five months pregnant and I am sad in my marriage.
Truly I can't believe I am in this type of marriage where I wish to turn back the clock and make a better decision.
My story is long but please be patient. I met my husband through my friend's husband. He has a character and temperamental issue which I have discovered all of them in his family do have.
The worst of all is his ability to keep malice for years as a man which keeps me dumbfounded. I will take the blame for that because before we got married, he told me he was keeping malice with his eldest sister for a reason I didn't think was worth that long period.
I am from a family where we quarrel a lot but before you know it, we are talking again. So the ability to keep malice is not in me and this gets to me anytime my husband does this to me. It's so bad that he boasts of how he can keep malice with someone for a long period and am dazed.
To avoid malice, I beg him almost every time until my Aunty adviced me to desist from doing that and let me know when am offended, if not he will keep taking advantage of me.
Currently, we had a misunderstanding and I knew he was lying to me and then he tried to cover up and scare me by always saying "I shouldn't allow him get upset"; which he knows I try to avoid but enough is enough.
He hasn't spoken to me for five days now, and it's getting to me but am tired of always begging and being the vulnerable person so I have decided to let him be even though I hate malice and love peace.
Physically, he hasn't abused me but when it's comes to emotionally and psychological; he has torn me apart but with advice from my good Aunty and eldest sister, I was able to regain my self esteem.
He told me that my vagina is so loose like it has be penetrated a lot, that why are my boobs pointing downwards like something that has been sucked a lot.
Lord have mercy, all these words broke me down early this year, that I started wishing death for myself. It's so bad that I don't like listening to love songs like I enjoy so well before because my emotional life has been destroyed.
When we have sex, I don't feel anything at all. The painful thing is that he complains that my sex life is bad but the honest truth is that, he doesn't know how to satisfy a woman and has a small penis. 
This I have never used against him until he pushed me hard one day and I told him the reason why my sex life is this way. He has called me a disaster just because I misunderstood his instruction on meeting him at work to give him food that I struggled to prepare on valentine's day.
He suspects every move I make and always want to check my phones. When any guy looks at me on the road, he starts getting upset and asking who is that. Imagine, people I don't even know.
Honestly, some days can be cheerful, exciting, he has his good sides like bringing money but that's just all. And it's so sad that his bad sides are appalling.
I have prayed and asked God for happiness because I sit down, cry everyday and wonder how long will I continue like this.
Please note that I am not perfect but I strive to always ask him where I am not performing just to improve. Everyday I try to grow in patience but it's like it's been taken for granted.
Aunty Amara, please help me. 

Whohoo!!! Mehn, your mail seems unbelievable, especially when all these are happening barely one year after wedding. 
To start with, I believe that both of you need to secure a visit to a psychotherapist/counselor, someone who will sit both of you down and share the rudiment of marriage with you. 
There must be some painful compromises that must be made for your marriage to stand the test of time, else I don't see your home standing for a long time. 
He seems so immature for marriage, and have a truckload of personality issues to deal with. Just like your aunt rightly suggested, under no circumstances should you continue being emotionally manipulated and abused by your husband in the name of keeping malice. 
If he does something wrong, he must learn to communicate with you and discuss any misunderstanding with you. 
Also, you need to develop tough skin against unkind utterances from your husband, and learn to appreciate yourself as a beautiful woman.
Don't let anyone make you feel like your body is a mistake, or that you shouldn't be proud of your body as a woman, and when next he goes through that route of making mockery of your body, please shun him down and leave the environment.
You need to be strong and tough, to ensure that he doesn't take you for a ride or something close to that.
Now you are married, and like they always say, things are always different from the other side of romance. This is your marriage, and both of you have role to play to make this marriage what you want it to be.
His penis is small, but both of you can enjoy sex without body-shaming one another. You can try varying positions to know if you can feel his penis inside of you. You can guide him on how to make lovemaking more adventurous and and enjoyable for you. Don't just get laid back, take charge of your bedroom, and demand for what you desire, instead of managing half-baked sexual experience. 
You can create the harmony that you want by taking charge of things, instead of falling victim to his control.
Open up, communicate, and let him know the real side of your personality. If he doesn't make amends, please for the sake of your pregnancy and peace of mind, you may need to consider temporary separation so that you can focus on your pregnancy and perhaps return when he's mentally, emotionally, and psychologically ready for marriage. 
Now is not the time to pray and cry, but time to take charge of your marriage, and let him know that you are not a puppet or dumb. 
He will definitely make amends, and I hope that he will learn how to communicate much better with you. 
The moment he sees the woman in you, some of his excesses will give way to enhance your marriage.

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