Thursday, August 17, 2017

Should I Leave Him and Wait for Another Man?

Good afternoon mummy, I have been dating this guy for six years. When we met, we were all loving, close and tight. Two years after we met, everything started changing, he wasn't that sweet guy I used to know, he seemed so distant to me. I tried finding out why the sudden dryness in our relationship, I even had to ask him if he thinks he is out of love for me, buh he kept telling me everything is cool. This guy hardly gives me money, though I don't normally ask him for money, buh he can't on his free will give me money.
He stopped calling me, I do most of the calling. Whenever I am on break from school, I visit him, cook for him, wash his clothes, clean his house for as long as I stay in his house, and when am set to go back to school, he will give me as little as peanut or sometimes he will tell me he doesn't have money on him.
I tolerated all those because I love him so much, and I so much believed in him. I was virtually building my world around him. At a point I noticed he was always talking to a particular girl. I asked him and he told me that she is just a colleague at work and they have nothing together.
Because I love him so much, I never doubted him. Buh not until he it was the girl's birthday, and he posted the girl's pictures all over his Facebook page with very sensitive comments coming in. Some pple were calling her our wife, other our girlfriend. That was when I got more interested in knowing who this girl was to him.
I confronted him, and he denied again, telling me that he only wanted to make the girl feel special on her day. Our relationship was four years and counting by then, and I kept asking this guy if he thinks it can't work out for us, buh he gave no reasonable reply.
So October last year, I went to his house, while I was arranging his house I bumped into a picture album, and behold I saw a picture he took with the girl at his cousin's wedding. I also saw their flight booking slip to and fro to Lagos, this is someone that has never given me upto ₦30,000 ever since we started dating. I saw so many things that confirmed that he has been in a serious relationship with this girl for over two years.
I felt devastated, I felt used, I cried my eyes out, but at the end of the day, I told God to fight my battles. I decided to give myself some respect by leaving the relationship because that was my only weakness... Not able to leave the relationship because I love him so much.
So I made up my mind on the 31st of December to forget everything about him. This was really working for me as I got entangled with a friend of mine, though wasn't serious, but it actually distracted me from going back to him. I was almost fully recovered, when he chatted me up on February, telling me he missed me and loves me so much. That really got me furious, because at that point i saw it that he wanted to play me the second time. I told him that I have moved on, and that he should do so too. Buh he kept on begging and did so many things that ordinarily he won't do and hasn't done. Because I have this soft spot for him, I decided to take him back. I asked him about the lady, and he said they aren't together anymore.
We got back together and everything was gloomy, but because I have been beaten once, i never allowed myself to be carried away by everything that was happening.
Note, all these while I tried as much as I could to be there for this guy, even from the day we started dating till the day I decided to leave. Even as we got bck together, I did my best to show him undisputed love and care. Even when I knew he was still talking to that lady. Recently, he started acting all sweet and loving, sending me messages and always wanted to engage in discussion with me for a long time. This was something he never did with me, but did with the other lady cos I often go through their chat. I felt he has realized all the patience and love I showed him, because I actually met this guy when he had nothing. Lately, he told me that the lady is getting married, I was surprised, because I knew that he loves this lady so much and would want to settle down with her. I asked him what happened and he said the lady said yes to another man. That was when I started calculating and realized that this guy actually came back to me just because he lost that lady, not necessarily that he chose me over her.
I feel bad because I have been an option in his life for over five years while he was my priority. I think this man doesn't deserve me, he doesn't deserve my patience, my love, and my loyalty. I know I am a blessed woman, God favoured my greatly, but I think I should leave this relationship now, and wait for the man that will take me as his priority and not an option.
Please mummy, what do you advice I do?

Painful to know that you were his option while he was your priority. It is only natural for you to feel hurt by the reality of his feeling for you. 
But here is what I think you should consider. Do you love him genuinely and see your husband and happiness in him? Do you feel fulfilled and peaceful with him? Does he have those qualities that you are looking for in your husband? 
At this moment that he is showing commitment and seriousness in you, do you see a man who really wants to be with you? Do you see a man who is sincerely making amends to love you more? Is he wholly into you and genuinely prepared to grow in love with you? 
If your answer to these questions be 'yes', maybe you should consider giving him another chance to prove his commitment to you. Maybe you shouldn't shut him off from your life because of his choices in life. 
If however you feel that you deserve better than him, please do not hesitate to terminate the relationship and move on with your life. If you were his second best, there is every possibility that you might be his ex if he meets someone who woows his eyes. 

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