Thursday, August 13, 2015

I Feel Hopeless...Confused!

God bless you richly Ma for all your good works so far.
Please,I beg you and your fans to bear with me because its a very long write up.
By God's grace I'm a 25yrs old beautiful lady who got married as a virgin last year and relocated from Europe to go live with hubby in USA,been here for like ten months now and we are expecting our first baby soon,all glory to God. 
Every man and woman's dream,isn't it?? 
Yet I often found myself in pains and tears.I and my hubby both loved each other he made a lot of sacrifices just to get married to me,he has been the best thing that's ever happened to me,until I got to United States and started living with him.
I have always believed that immediately I got here I was going back to school and also start working because I refused to be the lazy type that always depend on someone for everything.
He never disclosed or discussed it with me all these while,it was only when I got here to my greatest surprise I found out that the area we were living,there's no other means of transportation except having your personal car... Bus stop from our house is like two hours by foot. 
I have been having challenges with my green card since I got here so I haven't been able to do absolutely anything like schooling or working,have been home all these months all alone(with my unborn baby),I only go out during hubby's off days.
It's amazing how his attitude changed drastically towards me,he takes me a lot for granted,talks to me without respect just because he knows he's the only breadwinner of the house for now.
Ma,I never saw all these coming at all! By God's grace,I'm a very
smart,God fearing,intelligent and beautiful woman(still get a lot of compliments and advances even with my pregnancy). 
I can dress with clothes as cheap as 10$ and still look very stylish and attractive so everyone including my family believes I'm swimming in money(hubby is very financially ok and hardworking)not knowing that I don't even know when my hubby recieves his paycheck,how much he earns, how much he has got in his account and how he spends his money,  he tells me nothing....it's that bad, gosh! 
We quarrel almost all the time when we go for grocery shopping because only what he picked was right mine was wrong and not important. 
If I asked as little as 20$ in a whole month for my personal use,he has to interrogate me first on what I wanted to buy with it and sometimes he even end up not giving me.
Hubby lacks good communication skills,never talks except I initiate it most times.I have tried my best to talk it over with him most times about all these going on but still no changes.
Unfortunately for some months now we haven't be praying or studying Bible together anymore because he claims to be too tired from work,even with the pregnancy journey he seems not to care that much even when I try as much as I can to involve him.
I get treated like a queen by others outside but treated like a nobody at home by hubby.He wasn't like this at all while dating(it was a distance relationship)and I really prayed about it before sayin "I do".
The only mistakes I know I made was that we never discussed about the financial aspect while dating and I know very well he's treating me this way because he knows I'm like 100% depending on him! 
Finally my green card is now out,I can now start working and schooling but first I need to go to driving school to get a driver's license and he has not been able to take me to classes because of his busy schedule at work and my due date is next month.
I'm feeling so confused and hopeless,all these are killing me inside and got me thinking daily,because once our baby is here its gonna occupy most of my time and that means I'm still going to be home for some time to take care of our baby....
So how will I be able to cope with all these,with him treating me like this,what will happen when our baby finally arrives? 
I'm really losing the love and everything I have and feel for him. But one thing I know and am sure of is that he's not cheating on me,he's the indoor type from work straight to house. 
Please help me Ma,I have been praying all these while, and dont want to involve any third party in my home except God(I'm the last born in my family, if anyone gets to know about this, it's a big trouble for my hubby because they don't joke with me at all!).
I'm in tears right now and it's not healthy for my unborn child.Only God knows how I wanted to be independent and gain my respect back from hubby and stop living in this bondage and humiliation.
Please Ma,I really need your motherly advice,encouragements and prayers. 
God bless you all for being patient,please pardon my long write up,really need to talk with someone. 
Please Ma, let me know when posted....Thanks. 

Dear sender, 
I am proud of the woman you are becoming today. 
It is worth commending that you decided to make God the bedrock of your marriage. 
The truth is that what you are experiencing now in your marriage is normal for newly weds. 
This is the phase where perception meets reality and the bonding process begins. 
This is the phase where you get to know those things he couldn't tell you, the part of him that he cannot hide from you. 
Did he really changed? Not that I think of but you only got to know the part of his personality which was hidden from you ever since you knew him. 
You need some patience, understanding and wisdom to learn more about his personality and identity as a man. 
He may not be the talking type but he definitely do have ways in which he communicates his affection to others. 
Do not make assumptions because he's not doing your bindings for now, try and give him the upper hand to express himself and humbly pick up one or two information which will enable you communicate effectively with him. 
Find out what he devotes his time to, find out what his passion is, find out where he desires to reach in the ladder of greatness. 
Appreciate him, celebrate him, encourage him and simply demand nothing. 
It's not because you do not have needs but because you desire to understand his personality beyond what you perceived of him. 
Pray for him and always whisper some prayers over his life while you lay your hands on his body. 
You are married to him and you are not in competition with him. 
Please settle that in your heart and do strive to work so that you can show off what you can make and then forget that God placed you under him so that you can compliment his efforts and not compete with him. 
Pregnancy is a beautiful time in marriage and in the life of a lady. 
You cannot feel bad about expecting a new life all because your husband didn't give you twenty dollars for grocery shopping. 
Please focus more on preparing yourself for the arrival of the bundle of joy and love in your family and look forward to giving your baby the best of your time and resources. 
Your baby is your blessings and no time invested in your baby is ever a waste. 
When your baby arrives, the dynamics of your marriage will definitely change and everyone will focus on giving your baby the best attention. 
This is where your husband cannot help but give you funds for shopping. 
Please see this as the building phase of your home and don't worry over what you cannot do at the moment. 
Once your baby is of age, I'm certain that every other thing will fall into place. 
Do not relent in praying for your family and praying that God will perfect that which you yearn for in the life of your husband. 
Stop shedding tears and please look ahead to the beauty of motherhood. 
Be patient and do not see this process as a waste of time. 
You shall soon pass this phase of your marriage and begin to enjoy the benefits of persevering with prayers and patience. 
Praying for safe delivery of your baby. 

3 comments:

  1. There's an impression I'll like you to correct...you need to forget about the treatment and advances you attract from outsiders...do not in any way compare them to what is happening in your home...its a silent marriage killer...every outsider appears to be an angel and i believe that was the case even before you moved into your husbands home...
    Concerning your complaint....it so obvious that you worry too much over anything that doesn't go your way and that's not how it should be....In marriage...you think for two and not just yourself..you need to come to terms with that...marriage is a different platform....things must not span out exactly the way you want it....you need to take one step at a time....of course...you shouldn't expect to do certain things as a pregnant woman and ever expectant mother should know that once the baby arrives, you'll definitely be tied down for a while...it's a compulsory proccess every mother must pass through so just relax and see through the proccess...
    Concerning your husband..it's good to hear that he works so hard...caters for the home....even takes you for shopping despite the fact that he doesn't really buy what you pick and above all....He doesn't cheat...count your blessings madam and see every reason to be grateful..These qualities are many womens prayer points every day....it could have been worse...These are still positive signs...you should be grateful...
    You need to understand that he wouldn't know it all....He's not finding it easy too as the sole bread winner...you need to appreciate the little he does and encourage him with your words...it could go a long way in relieving him of stress..
    You have no reason to shed tears...marriage is never a bed of roses....it has it's ups and downs and your approach to them is what makes or mars the union...

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  2. I think there was too much expectation on this lady's part before arriving in the United States. May be the husband took for granted that this lady would understand the realities of life in the United States. As someone who came into the United States with her palm kernel cracked, I am surprised you feel frustrated in 10 months. Some ladies spend up to 10 years chasing the Green card but here you are waiting for the green card to drop under 10 and still griping. Your husband has a job but he lives in a location where there are no bus stops, most likely the suburb but you pine for the rough neighborhood 's with dozen bus stops, gun shots from gangs going off every minute and where home invasions are rife. You complain about being left alone while he is at work. Would you rather he stay home to keep you company? Who will provide for you and the baby when it arrives with no income coming in? I know in your current state you are emotional and anxious but please get a grip of yourself. Focus on things that would not cause you stress. Work and school will come, slow down and focus on the baby that is on the way. This too is a remarkable achievement more important than the school and work. In the end you will achieve your work and educational goals so do not be in a haste.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think there was too much expectation on this lady's part before arriving in the United States. May be the husband took for granted that this lady would understand the realities of life in the United States. As someone who came into the United States with her palm kernel cracked, I am surprised you feel frustrated in 10 months. Some ladies spend up to 10 years chasing the Green card but here you are waiting for the green card to drop under 10 and still griping. Your husband has a job but he lives in a location where there are no bus stops, most likely the suburb but you pine for the rough neighborhood 's with dozen bus stops, gun shots from gangs going off every minute and where home invasions are rife. You complain about being left alone while he is at work. Would you rather he stay home to keep you company? Who will provide for you and the baby when it arrives with no income coming in? I know in your current state you are emotional and anxious but please get a grip of yourself. Focus on things that would not cause you stress. Work and school will come, slow down and focus on the baby that is on the way. This too is a remarkable achievement more important than the school and work. In the end you will achieve your work and educational goals so do not be in a haste.

    ReplyDelete

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