Friday, June 29, 2018

Should I Keep Up with my Boyfriend or Kick off with the New Guy?

Hello Aunt Amara
I can't seem to access your website that's why I'm in your inbox.
I'll be 28 in some months time and my boyfriend is 33; I love him yes and he says he loves me too, but communication between us is poor. I've complained about this several times but all I get is an apology and a promise to improve, but this promise is never fulfilled. 
We stay in the same town but if I don't run into him, I have to call him on the phone before he can come and see me.
His giving habit is poor too, I'm not a demanding person but I don't have a job currently and I'm studying for my M.Sc at the moment. It's not like I expect him to foot all my bills as I bake but baking jobs don't come everyday so I expect some form of support.
My boyfriend is the sole breadwinner of his family, I know his business is worth a few millions but from all indications I don't come tops in his order of priorities. 
He has anger issues too but he respect me enough not to let out an outburst in my presence.
Now there's this guy in my school asking me out, I think he's a great guy but he doesn't have a job yet, and yesterday I found out I'm almost two years older than him although he doesn't care about this.
He looks and acts very much older than his age. But you know how our society isn't receptive of dating a younger man, apart from these the guy is incredibly smart and knows what he wants out of life and is very focused. He's also a more committed Christian. This doesn't mean he's without flaws though but which of us is?

I don't know what to do next
Just keep up with my boyfriend or say goodbye and take up this new guy?
What's your take on age and relationships/marriage?
I await your response. 
Thank You.


1. When you desire something so much, you don't need anyone to push you to go for it. 
Your boyfriend loves you, but from all you have written about him, he doesn't necessarily have the conviction, passion and commitment to invest in the relationship and make the extra commitment to make your relationship a happy one. 
He's just there, while you are the one who works hard to make him know how much you love him. It is not healthy for you nor will your effort alone guarantee that the relationship will end up in marriage. 
His inability to call, excuses to making commitment, poor giving attitude or habit, and unfulfilled promises only points out to one thing; he's not feeling the relationship and may not be interested in the kind of commitment that you are looking for.

2. Your relationship or decision has absolutely little or nothing to do with what the society says or don't accept. 
You are the society in your life, and the question is, what do you think about his age and personality? 
Are you comfortable with him, his age, his personality, and his vision in life? Is he the friend you are looking for, and does he have the attributes you need in your man? 
If your answer is yes, then the society will have no option but to respect your decision. If your answer is no, then the society will cheer you up for making your own decision. 

This is not a comparison between Mr A and Mr B, but a question of who among the two of them you connect with in the deepest way. It's a question of what you want in your relationship and who you believe you can grow in love with. 
When you find that man who makes you feel comfortable, fulfilled and happy, you will not find it difficult making you decision to letting go of any man who doesn't represent what you want in your partner. 

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