Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Are my Actions Towards Him Appropriate?

Good evening ma, please I am lead to share this with you and also get a direction from you if am doing the right thing. I have been reading your post and love how you guide people right..
I am a lady of 26 years old, I have been in a relationship, for four years now, with a man of 30 years old. Though during our second year of relationship, he wanted to come and see my people but my family suggested he hold on first till when we get a job so that we can be fully be prepared for what we are going into..which he agreed.
Something happened last three months ago; when I went to visit him, I saw lady's properties in his house; which ever since we have been dating, I have never dropped my clothes or bags in his house not for anything.
Most times when I forget some things in his house, he will be the one to remind me to take them the next time I come around. When I asked him about those female bags of clothes, he told me that he helped a female friend out who just graduated from school and didn't have where to keep them, and that he wants to be sincere, that he had something with the girl before.
He knows what was happening, the girl came with the load that she doesn't have where to keep them..that I should please forgive him and give him little time to trash out whatever he has with the girl, that he didnt bargain for this, that the girl is just all over him.
Even on Facebook, the girl uploads their pictures and made some romantic comment, that his friends and my friends started calling and was asking if both of us are no longer together.
I had suggested to him that he should block my family and friends that have him as friends, that I was tired of silly question.
Please I sincerely need you candid advise because I feel mixed up now.. He keeps apologising every time, but I don't believe him anymore. The love I have for him is filled with fear..I don't know if my actions towards him are the right thing I should do, still knowing and seeing those girl's things in his house.
I distrust him in everything, I treat him as if he's a complete stranger. I am really confused.

When a man begins to sound like a helpless baby who is suddenly unable to make a decision for himself, the best thing he needs is a space, and not a woman who is in love with him. 
So in four years of knowing and loving him, he couldn't sort out whatever he had with his ex; couldn't define his relationship with his ex ; couldn't let his ex know that he was in a very serious/committed relationship with you, and apparently couldn't inform you that he wanted to be father Theresa to all the graduates who don't have where to keep their properties. 
He possibly slept with her, accommodated her, and she was confident and proud of her relationship to flaunt it on the social media. 
The question is, if you were genuinely important to him, do you think that he would accommodate all that from a supposed "ex"? 
It is okay to feel confused and irritated, but the reality is that your boyfriend is not necessarily making the same commitment to the relationship as much as you do. 
And if his actions and decisions doesn't reveal his true love for you, what then is the guarantee that he will end up with you in future? What is the assurance that he will be faithful to you and not cheat on you? And what is the guarantee that he will not continue his relationship with the "ex" even after wedding? 
What his actions revealed is the identity or personality of the man you are in love with; the question to you is, is he the kind of man you wish to get married to? Are you willing to forgive and accommodate this kind of weaknesses from him? Can you cope with inconsistencies in his commitment to the relationship? 
It is not necessarily about what your relatives or friends know about your relationship with him, but specifically about your happiness, peace of mind and fulfillment in the relationship. 
If this is a deal breaker for you, then don't force it or try to fix it or try to manage it. Because marriage is not the best place to fix what you know will never give you peace of mind. 
Listen to your heart and decide what you feel that you deserve in life and in a man. If you cannot cope with this reality, then let him know your decision but if you feel that you can forgive him and accommodate his shortcomings, then go ahead and work out ways to strengthen your relationship with him. 
In the end, do remember, you have a choice in every single challenge you find yourself in, and it is totally okay to listen to your inner voice because your know exactly what you deserve in a relationship. Do not settle for anything less or ignore deal beakers in your relationship.


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