He's Hiding His Baby from His Parents!

Hi Madame Amara,I wrote to you sometime back requesting you for a private venue to communicate with you. Am so grateful you replied and even left me your email address.
Before I open myself to you I want to believe that you are a God fearing woman,and it's even evident from your mails because I have been following you closely.
Am a 34 year old woman who is going through a lot,let me just say I have never been lucky in my life,my unfortunate life started way back when I was a little girl which made me question every move that I made and become reserved,anyway let me not go to that and go straight to the reason I contacted you.
In 2013 I came back home from working overseas as a maid,and met a long time friend of mine,we had known each other for more than five years and we were really good friends.To tell you the truth before I went overseas and slightly after I came back I never thought that he could be more than a friend to me,but after seeing me he started pursuing me.
To cut the long story short I did find myself in his web and I changed the way I thought of him since he had all the qualities I was looking for in a man.
On Dec of 2014 I just decided to go for a test and was soo shocked to find out that I was positive,when I told him he was shocked too ,went for a test and found he was positive too ,but since I already loved him we decided to keep it to ourselves,but that Dec I got to know a lot about him that I didn't know one of the things being that he got married and had a son when I was overseas,but they had divorced by the time I came back.
Come January I realized that I was pregnant,was so happy because I really wanted a child but when I told him,he pretended he was happy. As time progressed he started telling me he wasn't planning on having a child with me let alone live with me due to his first failed marriage,but God is great because he never told me to abort of which I wouldn't have agreed anyway but he was not ready to live with me.
During the entire pregnancy I faced many challenges since and to make matters worse I had no job to sustain myself and I didn't want to go and live with my single mum as she already had a lot in her plate. One day we had a disagreement with his younger brother whom we were living with,he decided that one of us had to go and it wasn't going to be his brother so automatically it was me.
I lived for a month at my aunt's place then I had to go live with my mum. All this time we were communicating and we had decided I would look for a house before the baby comes,but every time we went to look for a house one thing would come up and to make matters worse his mum was diagnosed with cancer.
My baby came early but I thank God I delivered normally after more than twenty four hours of gruesome labour. He talked to me and I agreed to go live with my mum for a week but believe me it is now three months still sleeping on the couch with my baby and every time he is telling me we would look for a house. Am grateful because he looks after his son,he says he loves his son and he feels bad that he sleeps on the couch,and apart from.the two pairs of clothes he bought for him when I gave birth,the rest my mum bought for me as a gift.
I feel soo stressed and frustrated. Like now just the other day he told me that I will go live with him as from this coming Tuesday for the time being before we look for a house. I asked him what about the brother but he told me it's okay,to make matters worse also he doesn't want his parents or other siblings to know he has a child,and I did ask him what about his parents but he said he would know what to do..
Please madame advise me please on what to do because I don't know whether to believe him or not.
Sorry for the long story just need someone to talk to. By the way I have faith am healed even though am taking medication. Am a strong believer..

She Came Crying and Pleading for Forgiveness!

Dear Amara...
You have been a source of inspiration
to people's lives on the area of relationship broken
heart are healed by your wise advice. I need your advice
ma.
Have been dating a girl almost a year now and
there was nothing like sexual intercourse between us
though when the urge came she denied me of it.
Just recently not even a month a guy she met became
her friend had sex wit her.. I never knew until when
she came to me crying and pleading for forgiveness telling me that what she denied me of,she slept with a guy she
don't how it happened that I should forgive her,
that am the one she loves with her life that was why she told me everything that occurred.
If she was happy with what she did, that I wouldn't know. Please ma I need your advice and that of fans on what to do. Thank you.

Who Should You Seek Counsel From?

I see people call friends and family members to seek their opinion on marital and other life issues. A woman picks up her phone to ask a man or woman what he thinks about her husband. A man picks up his phone to know what another woman or man thinks about his issues with his wife. You are deceiving yourself because it can only take a heart that is touched by God to tell you the truth you need to know. Many are jealous of your home; always have this in mind. Many wish you evil even when you call them friends and they act to be one. Many can't wait to see that your marriage crumble. You laugh, wine, and dine with them, but their hearts are evil towards you. All they will offer you are advice to hurt and scatter your marriage or relationship with in-laws, siblings, and parents.

Be wise. That you hangout with them doesn't mean they are your friends. That they profess love doesn't mean they love you. Be careful. What they tell you is not what they do in their own homes. How they tell you to run your business isn't how they run their own. How they tell you to treat your mother-in-law isn't how they treat theirs. How they tell you to treat your husband isn't how they treat theirs. How they tell you to treat your wife isn't how they treat theirs.

Jesus said, the children of the world are wiser than the children of the kingdom. You are safer talking to someone who does not know you or anything about you. Mind you; many will claim and act like they have no interest, but their hearts are evil.  If you cannot talk to a counselor or a pastor (some pastors don't tell you the truth because of selfish interests), talk to Jesus about issues in your home. He is the best friend you can ever have.

The heart of man is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it?
I pray for you today that God will expose every Judas around you. I pray that God will raise you people whose hearts He has touched. I pray that every counsel of Ahitophel against your life, relationship, and marriage be brought to nought in Jesus matchless name.

And now, may the Lord bless you. May He cause His face to shine upon you and give you rest.

He Gives Me Reasons to Doubt His Love!

Good evening aunty Amara.. Am happy for you for the good work you are doing here, because you are really inspiring..
Please help me out like you have been helping others.
Am emotionally sick right now, and needs help.
Am in a long distance relationship which is giving me headache most times. My relationship is just one year and five months. We were very good friends for close to two years before we took it to the next level. All through those years of friendship, he never stopped telling me that he loves me even when I warned him to stop saying those deceitful words to me, yet he kept on.
To say I never felt anything for him then was a big lie, because I knew within me that I loved him, but was just pretending. Now that we are lovers, he is very loving, caring, understanding, hardworking, Godfearing.
He's the first child and has a lot to cater for and I don't demand from him, and he's not really comfortable because of not providing for me but I don't complain about that , am a student and a working class lady too. He has introduced me to his mum and even his uncle(he's father is late)
He's someone that doesn't hesitate in begging me each time he offends me but still adheres to those things that annoys me.
He calls me just once in a while, and complains that his work does not offer him much time, because he works in a brewery company. I will be the one calling and yet he doesn't pick. Everyday I keep sending love text messages to him but he wouldn't reply. I will flash, he wouldn't call. Sometimes I begin to wonder if am distracting him or he's just tired of me.
But I what I don't understand about him is that he does not have time for women, he's not the cheating type. Am his firstlove.
He keeps giving me reasons to doubt his love for me.
And when he finally calls me, and I complain to him why he doesn't call nor pick my calls, then he starts begging me to forgive him, and that I should please bear with him, that he's always busy.
That I should please do not break his heart, that he loves me so much.. If you hear him singing for me, you will pay him to come and sing for you every morning, because his voice is something else.. He calls regularly sometimes, and will eventually stop calling.
Aunty Amara please am just thinking of ending this relationship and remain single,. He comes back only once in a year.
I love him dearly and I don't know if I will be able to cope without him. He's the only guy that knows the song to my heart.
But I just don't know if he's actually fooling away my time. What do I do?

She Always Extorts from Me!

Good day madam, hope your day is going down well. Madam I have written to you before (Read More here) which you gave me some advice but I didn't make use of it cos she came back and apologised and promised to be a better person but the truth here remains that I have been in a hell ever since then.
Please I need an advice from you on how best one can leave a relationship that is full of abuse that is emotional and otherwise. I realised that my girlfriend doesn't tell me the truth whenever it concerns money, she always lies and can't give you actual prize of things.
How can one marry such a person that always finds a way to extort from his partner.
Please I need an advice from you.

God is This What I Deserve?

Hello Mrs Van-Lare, Good evening madam!
I would want some advice from you please.
Here is my story. I'm a mother of three lovely gifts from God two boys and a girl, aged 9,8 and 6. I got married to their dad who was 11 years older than I do in 2005, a lovely man I must say, his age was never a barrier to me, He was all I wanted in a man.
Our marriage was based on true love which still stands as I speak. When I love I hardly hate I might dislike your character but not hating you as a person. This was where my problem started, before I got married to the father of my lovely children I was based in the United Kingdom but used to know him before I was sent to the UK by my Dad for further studies.
We got talking again in 2003 when he told me he would want to marry me, I was okay with it but my dad was not ok with it, because he wanted me to finish my studies first but because I was so much in love with him I promised my dad that I would carry on with my studies even if I get married to him.
Being the first daughter of my Dad he likes seeing me happy even though it's a hard decision to accept. We got the go ahead from my parents.
That was how we got married then after marriage the topic changed from going back to the UK to carrying on your studies here in Africa which I was okay with that still.
However, my problem was my dad who was not happy with the change of decision and letting him down at the same time. There was nothing he could do at that point, that was when the marriage phrases bell began to ring from left and right, things like if your husband is happy for you to carry on your studies here in Africa you have to obey him, and etc for me it was not a problem at all.
I got pregnant and had my first son in 2006, second son in 2008 and then my daughter in 2009. I was very busy with my child birth degrees (Lol) this was why I'm a proud mum today. What I saw to be love at that point was no longer love anymore. The father of my children was very protective do not want anyone around me not even my only sister, if I tried to go out like going to the market he will call me one thousand times just to know where and what I'm doing even through pregnancy and if I ever missed his calls, oh my God it was hell in the house, despite the fact that I'm a British citizen I hardly travelled.
It was a problem traveling to the UK to give birth. This was the only thing I achieved by threatening to kill myself if I don't have my kids in UK, which after giving birth, he will start ringing the bell for me to come immediately after birth even when I'm not allowed to travel without the baby taking few injections for their age.
At that stage I no longer stored phone numbers on my phone because if he knew you to be talking to me be you female or male he will call to warn you to stop spoiling and deceiving his wife. He will never tell me he spoke to anyone or called anyone, the next thing is removing one digit from the numbers. The only way I would get to know that, was by seeing any of this people in the market, church or the kid's school that's when I will ask him, what was that for? Sometimes he will end up beating me and apologising immediately.
This went as far as hitting me with the African wooden stick use in pounding yam and etc which lead to breaking my head and leg just one week of coming back from the UK. This took three months to heal, for me to be able to drop clutches and walk on my feet again. When all these were happening, my second child was just two months old still breastfeeding from his poor mum who has just came out from child birth pain to broken head and leg pain but I thank God for his life.
At this moment I couldn't open up to my parents, he assured me this would never happened again, which I believed him. Even when people came to visit I and my new baby that has just returned from the UK, I was so ashamed to tell people what has happened to me, I end up telling them I had had an accident on my return to Africa. After all these I forgave him even before my second child turned one year I was already three months pregnant of my daughter.
That was our plans to finish up with child birth. But he never stop hitting me. In that marriage his middle name was honey I'm sorry, you pushed me so far, I love you so much that I can't imagine another man having you. In addition to that, he was a womaniser, he drinks a lot, I have caught him on a several occasions that I have lost count and he will apologise and I will forgive him.
The reason I was kind of stuck to this marriage was because I came from a broken home and my mum kept saying to me please try and endure whatever because if anything happens to your marriage people will say it was in the family.
People he warned me about he has gone to them one after the other asking them out and they are all married women too and they will still tell me what he told them. I was fed up of the marriage with heartbreak not being free to be myself, was ashamed of myself, my self esteem was dead because he took it off me.
What I was going through was too much for me I got tired of praying, even before I opened my mouth to pray I'm full of tears and heart breaks. He goes to work comes back when he wants. Never wanted me to do anything as a person but a full house wife was all he wished for me, I don't go to weddings or children party without him and if he was not going then I and my children are not going. The day I decided to tell myself the truth no matter what people would say, I could see myself dying in this marriage.
He came back late at night asking for lovemaking in a very harsh tone and I would say to him I'm not in the mood, the next thing he would start beating me and saying who have you been in the mood with? Are you giving me or not? Then I will have no choice but to open up.
But on this faithful day he was asking for it as usual which I agreed to, when he was on top of me I was shading tears silently asking God is this what you want for me? He was still on top of me and this was what came out off his mouth, honey I love you so much that I can even kill you, you don't know what I'm going through, I'm trying to control myself.
At this point my whole body was filled with goose pimples I started crying out very loud as if I was killed already he started saying sorry as usual.
That night I made up my mind to run away to the UK with my kids as I and my kids are British citizens which I did three days after calling my siblings in the UK for help to purchase our tickets which they did, I thank God for them.
On getting to the UK I texted every of his family members including him that I have had enough, this was my number should they want to speak to their children.
Since then none of the family members had call to speak with the kids or been to my family and I have refused to call any of them some of them are my Facebook friends till date. I chose not to delete them or block them for a reason.
Four years now, I have been happily looking after my three kids on my own. Their father only started calling just last year December,he only calls to wish them happy birthday, Christmas, Easter and New Years and when ever he calls he doesn't like speaking with his kids for long he would tell them where is your mum?
Tell her I want to speak with her I have told my kids I do not want to speak with your dad for now, because mummy was not in a happy mood with daddy that's what I told my kids and they are happy with that.
Since last week till date he has be sending text messages on my phone saying, you don't want to pick my calls or what? I just want to hear your voice he said in his text, which I never replied till date. Before now he has be sending me abusive massages and etc. Should I change my number or should I leave the number for the children's sake?
What do you think? I need your advice please. Thanks and God bless.

Should I Follow Him Without my Parent's Consent?

Good day ma am 28 years am in tears right now as am writing to you. Two weeks to our wedding my fiance called off the wedding and brought out different accusations that am cheating on him that he even had the contact of the guy am cheating with.
He sent the number to my sister and my sister called the line it was a lady's voice we haeard and my sister asked if she is the owner of the phone she said yes so my sister called my fiancé and told him he said he was okay with that and brought another allegation that he was no longer interested again.
After four days he now called my parents that he was no longer calling it off again that he wanted to continue and my parents were angry now that the wedding will not hold again because they have called the whole family to inform them about the calling off of the wedding, that even if the wedding will hold it will be shifted.
He refused that my parent has no right to postpone the wedding. Ma I don't know what to do, he wanted me to follow him to the registry without my parent's concept.
What do I do ma, I need your advice to save my heart now please ma.

I Saw a Woman's Vagina on His Phone!

Good day Mrs Amara please post this for me immediately cos My mind is about to blow I will like to remain anonymous..
My heart is so heavy,I met my husband six years after his separation with his first wife who left him,although I wasn't aware but when I found out I was already in love with him,what I did was to try and find out what separated them.We were so in love ,so I thought.
Finally we got married(traditional marriage),not up to some months,I found out that he was cheating on me,it was always a case of one lady or the other and I kept forgiving him,it got to a point that I wanted to leave but couldn't because I was pregnant with our son,it continued to an extent that he would tell that the highest thing I would do was to leave and he would go for a third,later he would apologise and I would forgive because I loved him.
Recently I found out that he has been exchanging pictures with a girl and was also seeing the girl,I confronted him and he apologised even though he lied yet I let it pass,but the last straw that broke the camel's back was on Saturday's night I picked up his phone to transfer one of our son's pictures that he snapped him recently but to my greatest shock the first picture that graced me was a woman's vagina.
I decided to trace it and found out that picture was snapped and sent to him by a girl he has been exchanging pictures with including pornography. I decided not to confront him but make him know that I was aware,so I set the picture as wall paper.
To my greatest surprise,the next morning he scolded me and gave me a serious warning,and told me that he owed me no explanation and will not remove the pictures.
I stopped talking to him but still served him food and do his laundry but he has never even bothered to apologise or even talk about it,all he does is come home late and drunk,eats his food and go to bed.
Right now all I feel for him is hatred,his presence alone stirs rage inside of me,I don't know what to do and am very heavy,I can hardly even concentrate at work.

His Point of Duty is Sex!

Please aunty Amara I really need your help.
Am a married woman and I have two kids. I love my hubby and he loves me too but the problem am facing now is that my husband has made sex a point of duty in this our marriage and am seriously confused and I have asked other married women like me to know if they are facing the same thing with me.
Let me go straight to the point, my husband have sex with me every night and morning and during weekends its usually morning, afternoon, and night.
The worst part is that if I deny to open my legs for him, he'll get angry with me and throughout that day, he'll not talk to me.
Am very worried because even if am seeing my period he'll put his penis in my laps until he releases,during my ovulation he'll use two condoms at once and have sex with me and a times the condoms will give me wound in my vagina but despite the fact that I have that wound he'll still want to have sex with me.
I have called him on several occasions that we should choose days for having sex but after choosing the days he'll still do it everyday.
If not for the fact that am working, he'll be doing it every minute cos his shop is in front of our house that's why he's always at home.
If I complain he'll tell me that I should not blame him that it's because he's married to a beautiful wife that's why he's always tempted to have sex with me every time he's around me.
Aunty please help me, how do I tackle this problem of mine cos its weighing me down a times I have to pretend that am sick from morning so he'll not disturb me in the night .
Sometimes I use to enter my children's room to sleep there just to avoid him but in the middle of the night he'll come and wake me up that he needs sex.
Aunty please help me, I really need your help sorry o for the long write up I really needed to go in details.
Thank you ma.

Should I Go Ahead with the Marriage?

Good evening Amara. I liked your page just recently and I must confess, you are great! Keep it up. Please I need an advise on a particular issue.
There's this guy that is seriously coming for my hands in marriage but here are the issues I have with him;
First, he stays abroad.
Secondly, he had paid the bride prize of one lady but they didn't last because he realised she has had her bride prize paid twice from two different men. He got to know this from people after he had an issue with her. According to him, he saw a message on her Facebook inbox that ended with 'I love you'.
When he confronted her, she condemned him and told him that he was behaving like a kid. So then, he asked her to update her Facebook profile to 'Married' and she refused. She threatened to report him to her father because he overreacted. So she packed her loads and went home.(By this time she was already pregnant). Efforts to bring the two together proved abortive as the lady said if he doesn't want to marry her again, that she can always get married because she is pretty.
The man's mum went to the lady's family about three times and told her to call her husband but she refused and insisted that he wouldn't have overreacted.
After two months in her father's house, the man became fed up and took her loads back to her parents (they never bothered to call to find out what really happened between him and their daughter).
Finally, they dissolved the marriage in a customary court and returned the bride prize. The lady later had a baby boy.
Now my question is this, do you think it is advisable for me to go ahead with this marriage? The guy in question is in his mid 30's now and I'm in my mid 20's. I will be glad to get a reply from you soonest. Thanks in anticipation

I Know I Have Offended God!

Am 24 years old.. I have a six months old daughter.. But am not married yet..
I met this man, 2011 aged 31.. And we both fell in love, he owns a Hotel, and an open Bar too. He has money that makes girls flock around him.. He's a nice man, and he has the heart to give...
At first I never knew he was a married man when we started dating.. I just opened my heart to accept his love; I fell in love with him so deeply that I couldn't do anything without letting him know or taking permission from him..
He later told me he was married but having issues with his wife.. Then I became his listening ear, because I realized he needed someone to talk to and listened to him when he complained about his wife..
I knew he had a lot of girlfriends apart from me, but I just had this belief that I could change him, and I was following my heart too..
I got a lot of complaints that he was a pu*** eater, even most of my friends all stopped talking to me because I was dating a married man....
Although he was a married man but he changed my way of life and way of thought..
He helps his workers academically, buy them provision, buy them phones and all.. I thought he was doing that out of charity.. Not knowing his mission...
I was friendly with his workers and they all liked me.
Not until one day he rented a room and parlour self contain for me and three of his workers to stay, because we all got admission in the same university...
I never knew what his plan was..
I started having this feeling that he was having an affair with one of the girls..
One morning he told me he was sick and I went to his place to check on him, I knocked on the door but it took him some time to open and when he did he was sweating like hell..
Not knowing he finished having sex with one of the girls am close with... I almost took my life that day..
To cut the story short...
He slept with all three girls that was living with me, slept with one of his workers and got her pregnant, got one of the three girls pregnant, and got me pregnant too..
When I found out they were all pregnant for him I wanted to abort the baby but a stranger told me I will die if I do..
My parents were disappointed..,
I never had this love from this man when I was pregnant, I wasn't expecting much...
I go to school from Ikotun every day to Yaba ... I leave the house by 4am to school with my pregnancy..
The man I love changed totally, even when I say something about those girls he would beat me with my pregnancy...
I bled most times and when I call him he won't come..
I get help from most strangers...
To God be the Glory we all gave birth safely.,.
I had to tell him to come see me at the hospital when I gave birth..
The first girl gave birth to a girl, the second gave birth to a boy then I gave birth to a girl...
Even at that his character towards me never changed..
I blame myself and I feel am being punished by God...
He called me one day that I should bring the baby for some test , which I did, and when the result came out.. He found out that those other two weren't his kids but just mine...
At the same time one of the remaining girls was pregnant for him...
I felt weak, I remember when I asked him what he wanted he said peace of mind..
Even as at now if I speak of those remaining girls he would beat me like a slave...
He would use belt or his slippers to beat me up..
Now I don't what to do, I cant stay with that kind of man, he has so many girlfriends which he professes love to, and call them baby on phone even when am there...
My baby is six months and am schooling, he is the person paying for my academic fees..
I don't know what to do anymore. I know I have offended God and our Mother Mary...
Have asked for mercy..
Please I need your advice on what to do.

My Husband is a Control Freak!

Good day ma, trust you are doing great. Please ma, am in dire need of your advice and counselling, I would have written long ago but each day I thought things would get better. I have prayed, fasted, yet no answer. I have tried communicating, no way now I keep to myself.
I am a married woman with kids. My hubby is a very jealous man infact a control freak right from when I married him and am tired of all these whole drama. He's the perfect gentleman I ever dreamt of. I dated him for eight months before we got married and each day has never passed without his jealous attitude pissing me off.
I wouldn't say I didn't see a bit of this before marriage but as a learner I was then, I didn't know it will come knocking big time this time around. I was working before we got married,I stopped because he never believed I introduced him well the first day he met my boss.
This attitude is ripping me of so many things. As I talk to you, I don't have a single friend (though am not bothered) but what now happens to the relationship I have with my family. He feels uncomfortable and insecure each time I speak with them.
By the grace of God,he has been enjoying long distance relationship with my family. He feels I discuss our family affairs with my parents. That's not enough for him. He checks my call log, messages first once an alert comes in even to the point of putting my calls in loudspeaker if an unknown number calls in yet his mind won't be at rest. If he calls and I was busy to pick at the moment, all hell would be let loose. I have never given him any reason to doubt me yet each time he is not with me, this attitude plays trick with his mind.
I have once told him if you lived a dirty life before we married, don't expect I did same with my life. I have never bothered checking his phone or what he does with it because I feel its not my headache but I don't know why I will always be accused of infidelity even when I move about everywhere with the kids.
This whole thing is affecting me daily and it brings tears to my eyes. Several times he has come home unannounced yet he feels I don't know he does that to monitor if I was where I told him I was. Most times I have told him, let's become best of friends even if I don't have any reasonable thing to say, at least hear me out.
If I come online and read something useful, I don't share with him because he has refused to step up with me or at least be free with me, then I keep it all to myself. You can't believe he does not have my password let alone knowing I belong to some of these groups online.
Whatever I read or learn here, I don't tell him. I can't even call his attention to read a post with me. All these are the things I longed to share and laugh with my man, but he might see it that my eyes and now open and Facebook teaches me how to run my family. He's just too religious for my liking.
I don't talk dirty with him in the bedroom,even if I try to avoid having sex chat with him on phone whenever he's not around and I miss him because to him, it looks like I might catch fun elsewhere. if he feels I have laughed too much, he must spoil it. Am living in the shadow of myself.
In fact these days, I enjoy his absence more than his presence (God forgive me). If I look for work, wahala, if I don't look, another wahala. He has once asked the priest that wedded us if I could work as church secretary with or without salary, that he does not mind paying me from his purse.
He wants my life to be revolving around church and home only in his absence. I don't feel excited going out with him for the fear of meeting any old friend because he must keep malice and tagged it that I once dated him.
Any fault from the kids or from my help, I am being blamed. I can't believe the year is ending with my life like this yet I avoid any form of quarrel with him because that's when he always tell me the story of how I have been jobless all these years. There is nothing wrong with my life. There is more than enough to be thankful for yet he will make me feel like a failure. I can't wait to have something doing to stop me from thinking too much.
Please help me with every possible ways to come out of this.

He Threatens to go Outside for Sex!

This may sound funny, but it happens and it is happening to someone right now.
A LADY GAVE BIRTH TO A SET OF TWINS, FOUR WEEKS LATER, HER HUSBAND BEGAN TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES AT HER, SHE DEMANDED FOR THE USE OF PROTECTION BUT HE REFUSED. NOW THERE IS A BIG COMMUNICATION GAP BETWEEN THEM, THE MAN IS CLAIMING THAT SHE IS STARVING HIM OF SEX AND THEREFORE, IS GOING OUTSIDE TO GET IT. THE LADY SEEM TO BE UNDER PRESSURE, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LOOSE HER MARRIAGE. THE PRESENT BIRTH OCCOURD IN SIMILAR MANNER, JUST EIGHT MONTHS GAP BETWEEN THE FIRST CHILD AND SHE TOOK IN THE TWIN. SHE NOW SEEK ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION, SO THAT SHE WONT LOSE HER HUSBAND AND NOT BE SEEN AS STARVING HER HUSBAND. Please help with advise my friend is in need of it. Thanks ma

Marriage Scares Me!

Good day ma, I have been a fan of your page for some months and it's been a whole new experience and I want to thank you for creating such platform because it has touched so many lives across all age groups and gender.
I have an issue that's been causing me lots of tears and I have no one to confide in and I urgently need advice.
I'm 20 currently running a National Diploma program which I would be graduating next year. He is 33 and running his business full time after resigning from where he was employed in December 2014.
Our relationship has been subject to one controversy after the other especially in Church where he holds some key positions. We've had prophecies that he hasn't met his wife more than once, then I decided to call it quits but he said no that he doesn't believe all that so we continued.
He wanted to settle down next year and I'm not sure about myself, I'm still schooling and also about to start sowing training because I believe everyone should have a vocation (I sell foot wares and cosmetics on a small scale in school).
I want to continue my education as far as possible because I want to get into the tertiary education system. It scares me to think of marriage now because I feel inadequate.
I want to earn my own money and not have to wait on a man so I can contribute financially and I can't bear thinking of losing him.
We have set December as deadline to make up our minds, we love each other very much but marriage is a different thing and I don't want to make a mistake.
We've been together for almost two years. Pls help me out. Thank you.

Words of Wisdom; Simple Definitions of Love

Felix N Molly Avamolifua
God is essential and should be the 3rd party in any relationship for once you truly love HIM you will see the true love for your spouse. I am married now for about 28 years , she's my rock yet totally opposite, I'm a romantic she's realist. But LOVE, to me, is not selfish! Selfishness destroys any relationship, divorce , affairs etc are all due to selfishness. When you walked into a relationship, it was eyes wide open unless your a 2 year old , you knew what you were getting into , it's all a matter of how you were raised too , how those around you treated each other in the name of love. When you really understand what love is, you uncover the different layers of love,  it's never ending and it's a

Should I Tell Him about my Visa?

Hello Aunty Amara, I have been following your advices to broken hearts and I can say that you are really doing a great job so here is my own story and I really need your advice.
I am a lady of 27 years who is independent. I have finished my schooling and even travelled abroad to work for some time but I came back this year and decided to change my country of base to a better one, meanwhile all these while I have been in a relationship with this guy for about four years now though not intimate until this year.
He has come to my family house and introduced himself as my proposed suitor (my parents are late), he engaged me July this year he was planning to come see my people officially by December ,and I got pregnant for him in August as we got intimate but unfortunately I had a miscarriage this month, and this same month God finally blessed me with visa to the States.
Now here is my confusion: I have not told him anything about my Visa , and he has some questionable characters like
1. He is stingy, he hardly gives though he said he doesn't have much,
2. When he speaks angrily his mouth is poison,
3. He doesn't provide for me, now above all those he loves me so much but am at a crossed road now if I should let him know or to move on with my life as I travels out.
Please Aunty I need your advice in order to make my decision as soon as possible. Thanks

I Don't Feel Anything for Him Again!

Good day ma

Mail below refers

As I'm writing to you now, it's with so much pain and anger. I wrote to you in September about how I suspected that my husband was cheating on me.
After seizing his phone for one month,he later released his password and I saw lots of chats on his phone that showed that he's actually cheating. I was so angry and mad at him.
Stopped talking to him for days and he was always begging me to forgive me. He claimed it was only phone conversations and promised  to end all relationships.I later forgave him despite all the pains.I followed your advice.
Recently, I just found out that my husband continued in his wayward life. Instead of ending the relationship, he changed their names on his contacts so I wouldn't know. He also deletes his calls after every conversation with them.
He's in a relationship with a married woman. The woman travels to US and comes back and my husband knows her husband.
When the woman came back, my husband was making arrangements to meet her somewhere again before I got to know about it. He denied it at first but when I started threatening him, he started apologising. Making promises and telling me that it will never happen again.
He claimed he never had sex with her which I never believed and I refused to forgive him.
It's three weeks now, it was just two days ago that he finally accepted that he had sex with her. That it was a mistake and he's been living with that guilt. It was on bbm chat that he finally accepted.
Now I can't seem to forgive him. I've asked him why he cheated on me and what led to that, he said nothing. That he doesn't know what happened. He's been saying he's sorry, and that it will never happen again.
He cheated on me for no reason. I've been a loving, caring and supportive wife to him ever since we got married. I've been there for him.
Why would he cheat on me with a married woman? I feel so much pained and betrayed. How can my husband sleep with a married woman without thinking of the consequences?
I've lost everything I had for him. I don't feel anything for him again, I've lost the respect I have for him, the trust I have for him has been broken.
The marriage is in shambles right now.
I just feel like leaving him and moving on with my life. I don't even think that the marriage can be restored to what it was before.
I don't think I will be able to forgive him and pretend that this never happened.
Please what do you advice.

Thank you so much for your support.

I Shed Tears Everyday!

Good day ma, I've followed your page for a year now and I must confess you're a great WOMAN indeed. Please my story is lengthy because I need to pour out my heart. 
I met this guy when I was 16 years old , we dated for two years before I changed location. Of course things were not the way they used to be, he then got into school, I decided to end the relationship cos I felt I'm no longer his type and moreover I wanted to settle down and not just relationship. 
I cut off every communication with him but he always find a way to reach me, he always tell me that no matter what I'm the woman he will get married to, that I can't change God's plan. According to him all these while I wasn't with him he dated a lot of girls, he lived a dirty life with women, that's over four years ago. He still kept contact with me even though I don't like him again. 
I had relationships too but none worked out, it all ended on baseless issues. I prayed and asked God for direction and each time I kept seeing the same guy. Somehow we got together again and I started loving him, he encouraged me to go to school and he was behind me all through until I graduated. 
He has introduced me to his family as who he wants to marry. The issue now is I'm afraid things might change and is as if I'm stuck to him cos I don't want any man, I'm tired of going in and out of relationships. 
He still talks to his exes (I mean almost all) and not just ordinary talk, he chats dirty, sends them money, asking to see them if they're around town. 
I've confronted him and he begged me to give him time to let go of them yet he was the one that calls, chat them. 
Ma please help me, I cry almost everyday when I see those things from someone I've been so dedicated to, loved and given my all. Above all this he still loves and care for me but I'm confused.

I've Never Experienced Orgasm with Him!

Dear Amara,
I need your advice. I and my husband have been married for years and we have got kids. We have both girl and boy but he said he want to plan for another boy.
Now the problem is that I feel lonely, like am not married.
Starting from the beginning the only evil I have done my husband is that I got pregnant through foreplay many years ago and had a baby which I gave up for adoption many years ago. When that old relationship broke, my hymen was still intact.

I only told my husband this months after we started living together. I don't know if he was just punishing me for this or seeing someone else. I walked down the aisle with my husband without even sharing a kiss with him and the frustration of sexual intimacy began.
I give him the blow job willingly but he has never done so for me. The problem now is I have never really experienced vaginal orgasm with him. These days we can go for up to three months without coming together. Not that I don't want, he is just not interested. In fact when we lie down together, he can't even turn to embrace me month after month.

So many things had happened. Early into our marriage, I saw him saying on facebook that our marriage was just for tradition purpose. He never put a picture of us on Facebook then. I had reasons to suspect that he was having an affair or planning one.
When I confronted him, he denied, changed his password on his phone and computer that I don't even have access to it. I overheard him complaining to his mum that all I ask for was sex while I claimed that I was a virgin.
Now my husband is the only man that have physically penetrated me. I have the feelings I don't know how to deal with and I don't want to let a strange woman do my work for me.

Amara, I have read so many relationship books, tried all I can to make marriage work but the distance is still there. Early in the marriage he suggested watching pornography to make me know what to do but I insisted that I wanted to keep our relationship pure.
I told him, I prefer to read books on sex and discover my body with him but he comes up with this attitude that I wont teach him what to do or where to touch him so I let him go along by himself.

When I sit him down to talk on how to work on our marriage he comes up with the apology of not doing enough have not married before but he had courted a woman for over eight years. In fact my husband still wears a diamond necklace and ring given to him by his ex.  I asked him to stop wearing it and he asked me does marriage to me make him throw away all his possession? When we have this discussion on how to make our relationship better, it seems to be alright for a few weeks and then things fall back to what it was before.

Now my confusion is that my husband seems to be at work always except when he need to be home so that I too can go to work as I do night shift a few nights a week being a nurse. when he isn't at work, he is out hanging out with friends most who have been divorced from their wives. A few times on weekend, he tells me let him go out for a short while and I don't see him for hours. He is never short of what to say.

On those evenings he is around, I would say he is quite good with the kids. He earns a lot of money but our house have nothing to show for it. In fact I usually run the food clothing and toiletries of the kids with my income. Occasionally he gives me money but it is a give with one hand and a take with another hand. I am financially responsible for myself. In fact personal saving is a struggle now, yet sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't know what I am doing with my earning. I am confused. I hate the fact that my husband is always working or on call and I have no idea if he is truly working?

I stopped praying with him as a couple when I realised he was so reluctant to put a few words for me or us, even when I was over due for our baby. Now sex is out of it, occurring only once in while. A  few days ago, I forgot my towel and begged him to get it for me and he gave it to me with his face in the opposite direction blaming me for being so forgetful.
I try my best to look chic all the time in fact I would say I am a beautiful woman by all standards. I serve my family with passion but why does he behave like he isn't into me?

My Husband Gets Angry Easily!

Good Morning ma,please let me voice out before I die in silence.
Am 29 years and he's 40 years, I met him in 2012 and we got married in 2013 and by the grace of God I have two boys but the problem am facing in my marriage is that my husband gets angry easily.
He nags and complain a lot,he's always finding faults in everything,and when he's angry he can voice all sorts of nonsense (insults) which I don't take back at him,only when he mention my people that I can get very angry and take back,and he won't allow me explain even when I want to. 
I hate shouting,but when he's angry,at times he will come outside the house shouting,and I won't say a word but after that" everything about him will start irritating me,I can't even look at him, even when he tries to talk with me,I won't give him that face,and at times I will leave him and be sleeping in another room till God knows when. 
Because before if I want to overlook his behavior and come close to him,he would take advantage of it for another insults. He has not laid his hand on me o, like beating me or whatever.. He takes care of us but because of his character am beginning to dislike him seriously,at times I wish we can just stay without talking to each other for so long or that he will just travel and stay there for so long. 
Please are I doing the right thing?and how best can I handle him.. Sorry for the long post and errors.. God bless you more

He Doesn't Know How Much I Love Him!

Hello Aunty Amara....
I need help as I write this in tears. Am a young lady, and my boyfriend and I stay in the same compound but different houses. Although I knew he was a player who just loves playing games with girls and all, I still loved him because I thought I could deal with it if he was so in love with me.
Things were going well aunt Amara, we were so in love and he would spend so much time with me, even with the abuses he gave to me physically and verbally, I still loved him. He has nothing to give me, and I never ask because I love for love itself.
Just recently aunt Amara , things are changing, he no longer wants to spend time with me again, he doesn't smile when am around anymore, he doesn't want to see me except I want to, and he only wants to see me when he's hungry and he no longer touches me that well again, not to talk of wanting sex with me anymore.
He gets angry when I try to tell him how I feel about our relationship, and he wouldn't listen.... We no longer talk and laugh as we used to before and its hurting cos I love him so much.
I have tried breaking up with him, but he normally comes back when he needs something. Am not trying to say we've never had a problem, cos we did but the case is different now.
He has told me countlessly that if I want to stay, I should and if I want to go, I should too.
Aunt Amara , he doesn't know how much I love him because I have sacrificed so many things for him and now am filled with regrets.
Should I just let go or should I continue? Cos he normally tells me he loves me and I really don't know how true it is.
Please help me unlove him please, before I lose my mind

The Right Age For Marriage

A fan sent this

"At what good age can a woman get married?"

My Answer
Chronological age has its unique role in marriage. I believe a teenager should be allowed to pass through her teenage years and become an adult before marriage.
This said, when it comes to being psychologically ready, a twenty-one years old could be better prepared for marriage than a forty years old.

Many people are all over the place looking for a life partner without taking out time to prepare themselves to keep a home. Guys just get up and take a girl home to mama without thinking and getting ready,emotionally, to be a husband. Girls on the other hand, get overly excited and concentrate more on having that fairytale wedding instead of building themselves up and getting ready to run a home.

In conclusion, it's more about the individual involved. The society shouldn't dictate for anyone on this. Did I just say that? I believe it's better for a woman to have her babies before 40. But we are not God. Some marry at eighteen and stay childless till they are forty-five while others marry at 40 and have all their children before forty-five.

In marriage, you must consider your chronological, biological, and psychological age.

I Don't Want the Marriage Anymore!

Hello Aunty Amara please I need advice from you and members of the house. I got married to a guy for the past five years, he stays in Spain and ever since then he has not come back so in June last year I had a problem with him which resulted in him not calling me for more than six months.
Then by January this year I told him that I don't want the marriage again that I wanted divorce because first I don't know when he is coming back and age was no longer by my side.
So my lawyer asked me to get his address so that they will send him some papers which he will sign though he was saying that he doesn't want the divorce but I have tried to convince him that I don't love him again that even if we continue with the marriage that we will be having problems because I don't love him again.
But he doesn't want to send the address and I don't have any other means to get that address. From what I saw in his words he just want to keep delaying me and holding me from getting married to another person .
I have tried to be honest with him and also convince him that the marriage will not work out even if he comes back tomorrow and from what he was doing now it makes me to hate him more because he is just intentionally holding me down.
Because I once had a discussion with him when he said that he knows his right ( meaning that as long as we have court marriage and it's not yet nullified that he still owns me.
Please I need help because I don't want the marriage again and age is no longer by my side. Please I need anybody that can help me.
I will appreciate it. Thanks.

How Could She Do This to Me?

Good morning madam. I am emotionally destabilised right now,I am in pains,my heart bleeds.
I just discovered that my girlfriend whom I have given everything to including my heart has been cheating on me with a guy(a Corp member).
I have sworn to take revenge and harm the guy. As for my girlfriend,she has been blaming it on the devil,pleading,crying.
I want to let everything go so we can start over again but I can't seem to forget what happened and it is killing me,I wanted forever with her,I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her,I loved her.
How could she do this to me? suffice to say that I have neither abused her in anyway nor cheated on her . Please ma I want you to advice me on how to break up with her.
How can I possibly forget her and move on because I don't think it will ever be the same again between us,the stain can never be removed. 

My Wife Starved me of Sex During Pregnancy!

Thanks for impacting lives through this medium. Please advice me on what to do. 
I am three years old in marriage and we have a lively and intelligent daughter of nearly two. My wife starved me of sex immediately she took in until she weaned our daughter and was ready to take in again. 
I have to impress it on her before we will have it once in a while in a one man show style. She has taken in again and it's back to status quo. I love her and I have tried to talk to her but to no avail. 
She is a good woman but she has low libido, I am frustrated with our sexual life. We are believers and cheating is out of it. Please what do I do to better our sex life? 
Thanks. 

How Do I Move On From Here?

Hello Aunty Amara, thank you for all you do, I have been an avid reader, please I need your advice.
My story is a long one, I was raised by my dad and step mum, I never knew my mum and my dad died when I was 5, my siblings and I were raised by my step mum, I would say we have lived in peace, she never let us go out, even when we talk to people she would ask us what we were talking about.
I remembered when my friends called me, she would be on the second house phone listening to our conversation, when I realised this I stopped giving out our phone number.
She has done well for us, she took my brother and I to the UK, and her own niece and nephew, things went bad, she lost her job so I had to be the breadwinner, thus affected my education.
When my friends were enjoying life I was worrying about how to pay bills etc, I never dated or anything and she has never really asked me if I was dating. I remembered one night I was talking to my friend on the phone and she came down screaming, she was asking me if I was normal etc.
Fast forward to 2014, her niece was now dating , which she doesn't have a problem with, I don't know what I have done to this girl but one day I came back and heard them talking about me, insulting me and this has brought friction to the family.
Now I realised that my step mum is encouraging the girl to get married, she has left home for university, and a pastor told my sister that my step mum has tied us up as slaves.
I want to move out but I don't want her to feel like I am not grateful, what do I do?

When Should a Mother in Law Know of a Wife's EDD?

Good morning ma. I appreciate God for blessing many lives and homes through you and I pray He will continue to multiply you in folds.

Please ma, I would like to go straight to the the point with my question and would be glad if you would notify me when posted.

So here it goes ma; Is it right for a hubby's family members to be aware of their pregnant wife's EDD (Expected Due Date) and sex of the unborn child? Or better still, when is it right to tell a mother in law of wife's EDD?

I'm asking this because I've heard series of advise and philosophy which tells it's an unsafe act, while some say it's normal especially in homes where they run a 100% open relationship; no secret affair homes. I believe your kind response will not only be beneficial to me alone but also to other wives who find find themselves in this same picture. I look forward to your response ma

Thank you.

Am Shocked with my Findings about Him!

Good evening ma please I need your sincere help and that of the wonderful people of this house.
I have been engaged to my fiance for over a year now and he is 12 years older than me. We are both working but when I talk about proceeding with the marriage plans he would come up with one story or the other example I don't want to have my kids in Nigeria so let's wait a little more and make more money.
Just this month I found in his library a marriage certificate dated 2008 bearing his name and the lady's and to worsen matters, I also found a birth certificate dated 2009 bearing his name as the father and the same lady the mother of the boy child.
Am still in shock and I don't know how to confront him. Am confused please help me. I don't want to lose my man.. Thanks everyone for your love and care.

My Parents Aren't Comfortable with Him!

Good morning Aunty Amara,I will be 22 by 29th of November but I look bigger and act bigger than my age,currently I'm done with school and I'm working.
I started dating a man of 36 years since last year September and the relationship is over a year and few months now, my fears are I have never been to his house for once.
Whenever I talk about it he keeps saying the mum is around and due to the fact that she's a deeper life lady she doesn't want to see a lady in the house till after wedding, though he invited me to the house once but that was one week after we met but I didn't go.
He's so protective,I no longer have myself, first I thought it was love but I'm beginning to think a lot about it,he picks me from work on Saturdays, takes me home, stays with me till my parents are back. Then on Sundays he picks me from church takes me home and leave in the evening with that, I can't even hang out or have any other relationship,I have been very faithful to him for the past one year plus.
Aunty Amara what bothers me is that his phones are on security lock,I don't have access to it but mine is not he hardly saves names on his phone. I have not even met with his mum or siblings only two of his cousins but he knows my parents ,siblings,cousins and friends.
My parents have been asking if I know his house and if I have met with his mum cos his father is ill in the states,I told my parents yes I have been to the house but have not met with the mum,but they keep asking,I can't tell them the truth cos they will not understand.
They no longer feel comfortable that he comes to the house every weekend and yet hasn't declared his intentions. Last month we had issues which made me say to him "I'm done with the relationship" he pleaded and reassured me of his love for me that he will take me to his house on my birthday and propose to me there.
I have been to some places for prayers where some pastors said he's the one,some said his mum is the problem,that she doesn't like me but she has not seen me.
Recently a pastor told me that he is very cunning that I should let him go that God is bringing a genuine person for me soon. Last year December, I travelled with him to his town but he didn't take me to his village his excuse was that his previous relationship for five years was so exposed and it still didn't work and that his villagers are bad people he wouldn't want them to use charm in the relationship so we lodged in a hotel in town for five days before returning to my base but he went to his village twice for a meeting but didn't stay long.
I have confronted his on many occassions that he's married but he insisted he's not that what if at the end of the day I find out he's not married and doesn't have kids anywhere what will I do,that I should stop telling people about our relationship issues,even my parents are scared that the age differences is much and he might maltreat me tomorrow in the marriage.
I'm so confused ,I don't know if I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life or I should take a walk though it won't be easy because I have no other relationship elsewhere and I devoted my time,care,gifts and everything into this.
Also he doesn't smoke,drink or party and that gets me worried cos he's not a too spiritual man, I don't do any of that too but I heard a man that doesn't do any of that might be a big womaniser.
Aunty I need your help cos I'm going crazy can't even stand the shame of break up because we are so close that my church ,friends and where I live are expecting our marriage cards even most people think we're married. Please I need your advice and that of your team. Thanks and God bless.

Please I forgot this ,I spoke to the sister over the phone during my visit to his town last year and ever since then I have been asking him to give me her number and that of the younger sister which he has refused to. He refused to tell me his salary,saying he will tell me on our wedding night but he knows mine and knows everything I do.

His Parents Refused to Give their Consent!

Good day aunty Amara. I appreciate the candid advice people get from you and I believe mine won't be an exception.
I'm a 28 years old from Delta state. I met this 31 years old (current ages) guy from Anambra state while in school in Lagos over three years ago. The relationship got better by the day and he showed interest of hoping to settle with me which I consented to.
We went to see his parents who were in Edo state, that same year (2012),and they received me well the first day.
However, things took a different turn when he told his parents his intention of settling with me. They rained fire and brimstone and even said that it would be over their dead bodies.
They mentioned their preference of an Igbo girl to me (an urhobo girl). In fact, I cannot mention some of their words. The other thing now is that my boyfriend says he will not give in to their wish and has promised to go ahead without them. My parents have said we should commit the whole issue in prayers, they like my boyfriend because he is actually a nice person. My boyfriend came as far as "introduction" without his parents in April 2015, though he was accepted, my parents still insists he tries to convince his parents giving him December as the ultimatum (my biological mum is late).
Right now I don't know what to do because I love this guy so much but I also know a marriage will be better when the families are involved. Please I need your candid advice. Thanks in anticipation, God bless you.

How Do I Tell Him I'm Not Interested?

Hello good morning ma,how was your night and family.
Please ma, am in a confused state now and in urgent need of your advice with that of your fans.
My family is known for getting married early but the case is different for my twin sister and I as we are now 25 years and still no marriage so last year I went to my sister's place whose husband happened to be a native doctor and after they had their last sixth child and he called me into his shrine and told me that he was going to help me get married if I will sign an agreement with him that I will train his children and always be there for him and his wife that my husband will be a wealthy man and that I should swear to that but I never did and that was it.
So he called me this week that he wanted me to come back that he have gotten someone for me and that he is working on the guy because he want to travel out this December and that every arrangements have been made that I should send my account number so that the guy can pay in money for me to come back and I asked him what if our blood group and genotype did not match then he said if I have forgotten who he is that he will make it to match .
Honestly I want to marry but not from my in law because he is like the devil give and take and if by chance I marry this guy who he believe that he will become rich with his help ,he will want to control him and the same with me and it will be a total bondage for us.
I was told in the church that I will marry before the end of December and I have dreamt it too. And if this guy is my husband why will he come from my in law? Why will God make him to come through them ?
I don't know how to tell them that am not interested without making them feel insulted please help me out thank you and God bless you all

My Husband Mocks Me (Update)!

Good morning mum Amara, by the way my daughter is called Amara.
Thank you very much for your advice. Have gone through the comments and some people don't believe the story is complete (Read Here), let me repeat again so that it can be clear.
As I said it was during our courtship I was in college and the guy was working, so one day I realized the guy was cheating on me...The girl he was cheating on me with knew very well this guy had a fiancée, when I confronted the guy he said the girl was just a friend.
Later I came to learn when I visited to spend like two days and leave that he would bring in the other girl...
I got pissed off and I packed my belongings and left....
After leaving, the girl now got an opportunity and came in....(by this time the girl had a baby girl with another man....
When I left, the guy used to call me but I cut off the communication because I needed to concentrate on my exams because it was my last year in college.
Time went without any communication, it happened that the relatives of this guy knew me,when they heard this guy got another girl they become so cold to him, his mom rejected the girl... When the girl was rejected he decided to come back to me...
To be sincere before I agreed I told him to be sure whether he was making the right decision... He said that he has chosen me over her... The relationship lasted for three months.
It took sometime for me to get back to him but later in 2013 I accepted his hand in marriage.
Soon after I accepted,the other girl called claiming that she was pregnant I asked my husband and he denied that he was responsible.... I asked him severally and he assured me....
The girl gave birth to a baby girl on 2013 and she threatened my hubby to take him to children court... To avoid shame they agreed a certain amount that will be given to her (behind my back) but a close friend told me because I was not aware...
I never raised any alarm because the kid was his though he denied he has to help her.
All went well although sometimes we would disagree which was normal in a marriage... One day he took my phone and I was chatting with my mum and I told her I don't think this person my hubby now, we are going to cope...
My mum would encourage me to be patient but sometimes I would loose it. It reached a point where my hubby would not give me attention, he was cold, going out with his friends ,drinking till late.....
I guess he was consoling himself when he realised I could not have a kid..... But with some time he started being considerate and he would tell me to wait for God's time.... I had little Faith but had enough Faith that one day we will have a kid.......
We tried all methods and at long last God saw us through...... When I gave him the news that I was expectant he never seemed to be happy though he told me congrats. When I was eight months gone was when I started to see changes, he would drink till late hours ,he seemed not happy , he would ask me where will the child be sleeping,should she be crying here...
That was when I realized there's a problem, what got to my mind was, he was not ready or maybe he thought I will never have a child..... Back at home his relatives who were loving started hating me calling me barren and advised him to marry the other girl......
I was patient and didn't give any attention to their word's.... It got them by surprise when I got pregnant. After giving birth, when the kid cried my hubby would click and this made me mad, he would walk out of the bed and sleep at the sitting room.
I decided to ask him what the problem was. he told me how can you call me " mtu "(person).... to your mum....I will never forget it and it bored me.... I told him that's a lame excuse and he kept quiet.
One day I realized that he had gone back to the ex, when I confronted him he told me if life gives you lemon, make lemonade out of it. I decided to keep quiet and concentrate on my baby and my healing.
After sometime I decided to ask him to clear things for me...if its the other lady or me...and I'll respect his decision.... because I was tired of everything..... he told me.... I don't understand you,I have nothing to tell you.
I got confused.... If he doesn't love me anymore why don't he just tell me to pack my belongings..... We stay in the same house no talking, comes late, clubbing with his friends and the ex,..... He would chat with the ex call her but for us.... no care how we are doing,he leaves everything but he will never ask how we're doing.
I went under Caesarean Section he doesn't care whether am healed or not ....what he cares is his ex and the baby girl....
I don't know what to say or think... I had decided to quit the marriage and give him freedom because I will never trust him again.
For the commenter who thought that I used spell to have him back.... am a christian and I know the consequences of using specks as it always backfires with time. I think now am clear..... My baby is a blessing to me but a curse to my marriage! ..... What am thinking is this other lady just wants to avenge..
If she is being helped to take care of the baby why does she want to break my marriage, she was comfortable been a side chick why now when I need my hubby most, why doesn't she bother the other man who they had the first baby with......
My questions are endless. Please advise.
Thank you.

My Husband Mocks Me!

Hello.
Have seen your helping people. I need your help... Mine is complicated am married for three years during those three years I could not conceive but God opened my womb and I got a baby girl now....
Before our wedding during our courtship I broke with my hubby and he dated another lady and in the process they the girl became pregnant and they broke up.
He came back to me....that was in 2013...We got married he loved me,and helped me to get pregnant by taking me to hospital, he stood with me always.
Now since I got pregnant this year 2015 he has really changed he mocks me and he went back to the lady he impregnated before....
My baby is one and half months.... he doesn't care about us anymore, he never hold's the baby nor asks about her wellbeing.
Am really stressed, we have been looking for this baby for years and when the baby arrived he changed....
Please help me.

Why do People Look Down on Me?

Aunty Amara good afternoon please something have been bordering me, I need your help and advice, God bless you. Something happened today in my class, we were meant to present group work that is seminar, and it's time for my group to present ours, and after the first person have finished presenting , the second, the third and its now my turn to say something about the topic and while I was presenting the lecturer said "I don't believe this is coming from you" and the students laughed and I continued with my presentation so when I finished the lecturer was like "you are a smart student" and the students started clapping for me.
My problem now is why do people look down on me? Because this is not the first time I have experienced something like this. Even when I know am more intelligent than most of them. Even before I left my house this morning I have this feeling of inferiority, not being able to stand in the midst of peers, always feeling shy and rejected.
So please tell me do you have any idea of what I can do in order to stop feeling inferior.? Thank you and remain blessed

I Feel Worthless!

Hello mam, I'm a 33 year old mother of three . All my children have different fathers. Because of bad choices I made in the past concerning my education and my life in general.
Now I feel worthless. I did finish my high school even did a course for two years in office administration. But due to feeling worth nothing I didn't pursue much.
I'm currently a nanny and last month I got my learners licence. But yet I still feel like I will never amount to anything. I feel other people are better than me and thus sometimes seek comfort in alcohol.
Where I waste most of my money and end up going to cash loans. I'm high in debt and just want to hide my head in the sand of pure embarrassment.
Please help me.

How Much of His Negligence can I Take?

Good day Aunty Amara. God bless you for all your good works. Please I just want to pour out my mind perhaps I could get some helpful tips.
Hubby and I have been married for over four years and since then we have been trying to have children. I am 29 years and he is 40 years. We have done several tests and seen several Doctors and we were certified okay.
The issue I have is that hubby is always engrossed in his work, especially when it is that 'lucky time' of the month to the extent that I would even have to beg and pet him as if am the only one interested in having children, sometimes he would ask me if I want them to sack him from work because he didn't send a particular report,then I would start feeling bad.
Am just tired of the whole thing because I don't know how much more of his negligence I can take.