Should I Tell my Dad or Bear This Alone?

Good day ma....I am in tears as I type this so I don't think I can type much,but if you and AVLites are able to remember 22 years old girl who said somethings about her cruel step mum and her mum dating another man while we are still staying under dad's roof cos she has been alone for more than six years now...it will really help if you could remember...
I am only 22 but I have to take care of my own personal life and my family's own being the first child but I don't think I can any longer cos it's choking me...
In my school,if you need to get admission, you must be an indigene of the state,know someone who can help you from the top or pay huge amount of money especially for HND that I have been trying to get its admission or they will offer you part time course which government does not recognise and one won't also go for service. In my school there is no merit...
Last two years dad insisted we use step mum's cousin who worked as a non teaching staff in my school, I reluctantly accepted, why?... Cos I don't know why step mum had to ask me severally when I finished OND if I had carry over or not and even made me call the class representative then (may his soul rest in peace) to confirm if there was edit of results... It showed in her eyes that I disappointed her by passing.
At the end of the day I was offered part time,meaning her cousin just collected N50, 000 without doing any follow up cos my friend that didn't even meet up with the cut off mark and paid lesser money got full time admission.. Knowing fully well I won't go for service,won't have NYSC certificate which was important to be attached to CV, dad and step mum asked me to go for part time... I never liked science line, I have always wanted to become a writer and a newscaster but dad insisted I study chemistry so he can get me a job simply because he has petroleum stations and has connection with NNPC, I was young then and had no choice than to comply...
They both also made sure I went to polytechnic even when I was qualified and had a friend whose dad worked at a reputable University, their reasons then was that polytechnics are good at practical than university... I complied and studied science laboratory technology and looked forward to study chemistry at Higher National Diploma.
I thought within myself why so I have to waste my time for three years doing something that I was not worthy of so I decided to pretend to be in school but worked with a big laundry service with my OND but later told mum about it.
A times dad would send my monthly feed fee lately, he asked me to stay in the hostel to avoid house rent even when he has the money, the hostel money was N10, 000 which wasn't enough to get a room outside school and I couldn't stay in the hostel so I had to squat with a friend.
It wasn't easy,as a lady I needed so many things but all he would send was money for food which wasn't even enough and mum was very broke . I endured everything patiently...
Last year I told dad I wanted to obtain another form and put in for full time,but step mum was the one who stood against me that it would be a waste of money that I should continue with the part time . Dad also supported her and said he had no dime to give me and he heard part time is for three years so he is counting cos after that three years he is paying no more money
I obtained another form and paid someone for follow up from my savings... My name came out on full time list only for me to see my name again now on fake admission lists... We just finished second semester exam and hoping to resume for HND 2 when they discovered some fake admission while trying to send names to NYSC
I have been patiently enduring so many things from my personal life and home which I can't discuss everything and you won't be able to imagine... I have been trying to be a good girl cos I know my siblings and mum are looking up to me and step mum and some other people are waiting for my failure, I prayed and studied even harder last semester only to fall this way while my mates will be going for service by February.
It is certain my beloved 'charmed brained' dad won't listen,my cruel step mum who always wish her six and four years old sons can grow up faster and become as old as my siblings and I are will be so happy to know what just happened and my mum and siblings will be disappointed.
Now, I can't go home, I will have nowhere to stay when my friend goes for service by February
The question now is... Should I look for a job again besides I learnt how to make hand leather bags and slippers/sandals,I also write novels and two is with the publisher with the help of someone... I can combine them all...rent a room and wait till next year for another admission but I will be the one to sponsor myself throughout only God knows if I will have the strength and faith to withstand everything or go home and explain everything.
It is certain it won't change the story to stay with mum and siblings but people who knows I ought to finish next year will start asking questions... I'm even thinking of changing my phone number if later I decide to stay here in school cos it is easier getting a job here being in the city than home which is a town....
Sorry for the long write up. Thanks.

He Releases on Time!

Good morning Aunty Amara, Compliments of the season.
I am a 27 year old virgin. I am not a saint but I just decided to remain a virgin till I get married.
I'm engaged already and my introduction is next month. I love my fiancé he's very caring and humble but the issue I have is that he "releases" on time. Please don't get me wrong, we have never had sex but we do kiss and before I know what is happening, he would have "released' and the moment he does that, that's the end, everything just goes down.
I'm really worried about this, I have told him my worries and he said it's his sugar intake, he has stopped taking soft drinks and also been taking some herbs but no difference. I'm really worried because I know sex is very important in marriage and I wouldn't want my marriage to end because of this. Please is there anything that can be done about this before I marry him?

My Wish to be Married is not Forthcoming!

Hello aunty Amara
I think I now have the courage to write you after reading and being blessed with all your advice. I pray for more wisdom for you. I really have a lot to talk about but I will rather narrow it so as to prevent long write up.
I clocked 24 years this month and waiting for NYSC. I have been in this relationship with this guy for almost four years now and I have been wearing his ring for almost two years now but I really want this relationship moved to the next level. There was a time I cheated on him because I wasn't sure the relationship will lead to marriage even after a pastor has told me he was the better option,all because my folks hate people from his town and I thought they won't accept him coupled with the fact that I have recorded him beating me thrice since we have started dating.
But all my cheat doesn't work out so eventually I confessed to him and he forgave me(as he said). He just got employed last two months and there is this lady in his office that am not comfortable with. He saved her number with the name he can't save mine with(but still said he was not dating her).
He just got to meet my folks some weeks ago and he said the lady in question was the one that encouraged him cos I have been telling him to meet them for a long time but he has been refusing. it has been my wish from my teen age to get married between the age of 22-25 but it not forth coming with all his attitude. This got me thinking a lot. Please what do you think I can do. Thanks in anticipation.

Should I Live in Pains for Having a Baby for Him?

Good day ma. May God bless continue to strengthen you. Am a mother of a beautiful baby girl of five months, I dated my baby daddy for two years and some months before we had issues which lead to our break-up only for me to find out I was pregnant.
I later told him he swore never to have anything to do with me that I should abort the pregnancy, I stood on my grounds I kept the pregnancy. My mum really stood by me she was there when he wasn't.
When I was four months gone I went for a scan took pictures of the image sent to him yet he called to ask me to abort the baby, when I was six months gone he started calling then he came into the country. First he later asked them to take me to his house when he got into Nigeria he stayed in Abuja for two days with his girlfriend before coming home.
To cut the long story short he came back after much drama we made up. But almost everyday I was in pains, one day I was resting my head on his chest only for me to see him chatting with a girl and she told him sex with you was the best ever. It was as if my world would come to an end, all thanks to his beautiful mum, she talked me out of that mood and he later apologised.
One day he went out, slept out and I was almost due only for me to find out he lodged in an hotel with a girl he met at the salon where I make my hair. After much begging I stayed I finally gave birth to my beautiful angel a blessing to our generation. He loves her greatly we lived happily but he kept on cheating. He had plans of going to see my people that he even asked my mum to go and see them because my dad was late and am the eldest. We then had an issue that resulted to me insulting him I told him he was very stupid meanwhile I had a lot on my mind.
My baby was three months old when I found out a lady in her early forty's said she was pregnant, he was not even up to 30 years meanwhile am just 24 years old. I cried and cried I asked him if he wasn't happy with me why didn't he just tell me to go. Aunty amara do you know this guy begged as if his life depends on having us as his family. Then the issue about me insulting him came up because he wasn't paid for two months. I practically emptied my own little savings to manage the house only for this man to get paid and he kept it to himself after the fight with him I apologised he refused that I was the one who ended the relationship. I even told our pastor, his parents and family friends yet he refused and after two months of emotional torture he started talking to me but most times he'll talk to me like a piece of trash.
I later had a meeting with him somewhere where I asked what his plans where and what crime did I commit he couldn't talk because through this two months, I have been in his family house. Then I asked him when does he intend on taking us back home he said on 30th which is today only for him to chat me up and told me that he's tired of living in pretense. What plans do I have in life.
Ma I was really happy hearing that from him I told him I wanted to go back to school and also learn tailoring the next thing he started bringing up issues then I told him that when I made move to look for places around what effort did he put as my partner instead he was quarrelling with me. The worst he said was when I asked him so all along you were pretending not like he gives me money to buy cloth or cream or toiletries.
Since I gave birth he only gave me money once to make my hair after much begging. I really love him and my child but am losing myself in the process because I now feel he sees me like a liability meanwhile when he met me I was into bridal make over I also did decoration, he now blamed me for all my failures. Should I live in pains for having the baby or loving him?

How Do I Let Him Go?

Ma, please what do you do when a guy tells you that he is not ready to settle down because he doesn't have money (no job yet) in his mid 30's, he used to work in the military but he resigned due to reasons I do not know. We have been together for four months now.
The problem is that this guy is always calling, texting, telling me he loves me, he knows very well that I want a relationship that will lead to marriage sooner or later, but he has made it clear that he is not thinking about marriage and he is not ready anytime soon.
I have asked him to stop calling and texting so that I don't lose focus while waiting on God but he won't stop. I blocked him from calling me but he still sends very emotional text messages. When I tell him I want to focus he gets jealous and vows not to let me go.....
Aunty, what do I do to let him off? I am always tempted to reply his messages since we had started getting along very well. I believe in a relationship, people must agree and be on the same page. How do I let him go aunty?

Why Should I Consider Her for Marriage?

Please ma,
This is my question and I seek for your advice. I am 25 years and she is 26 years. I am Igbo while she is Ibibio. I sincerely love her and desire to marry her.

The problems are: she is not a virgin and have slept with about five men and have had abortions too. She revealed that to me without me asking. As for me, I had never had an affair with anyone in the past except for one night I called her and begged her that I was uncomfortable and that I needed a hug. She refused to come but I pleaded seriously... She later came and we hugged and I disturbed her until I had to suck her breast. I have sinned and begged God to pardon me.

Afterwards I felt guilty and ashamed I did such with her. But I still want to marry her. Ma, do you advice that I marry her? Please give me and let your fans give clear reasons on whether to or not marry her.

Thank you ma.

Can't Stand a Gambler, I Want a Divorce!

Urgent! Compliments of the season to you and your fans... Aunty I feel like exploding... I posted sometime that I was eight months pregnant but my hubby won't help me do anything (Read Here) ...
I delivered a baby girl three weeks ago.. While I was pregnant and immediately after our wedding I realised he doesn't come with money except feeding money which is not even up to but as a wife I had to bear and manage considering the fact that we just wedded then..
After a month it became unbearable as I couldn't even eat the things I ought to eat as a pregnant woman not to talk of buying maternity clothes as the old ones couldn't size me.. I managed one gown although I was unhappy..
At a point I thought he was having an affair. I noticed he now hang out with some people who are gamblers.. I didn't want to think that he would be doing gambling because of his job.. My mom took me to our house for omugwo only for people around my area to be telling me to advice my hubby to keep away from his friends that if they teach him what they know that I'll be in trouble...
Since I went for omugwo he doesn't bring money for my feeding only excuses and always in a hurry to go home but doesn't go home but to this his friend's place.
His attitude and action justified that he was playing gamble.. I can't stand a gambler I want a divorce.

I Haven't Seen Any Changes!

Good evening ma,I have read about your advise to people and I have seen that God has endowed you with wisdom. Please I need your advice.
I'm 28 years old and I have a boyfriend which I'm thinking of getting married to but I'm scared because he has a lot of vices that I don't know how to deal with like drinking ,lieing ,nagging,hanging out with friends,he puts me last in his schedule and he doesn't know how to make a lady feel special and all these things that he does get to me because they are things I hate.
I don't know what to do because he keeps promising to change in which I have not seen any changes.
Please advise me. God bless you ma.

He Doesn't Want to Tie me Down!

Compliments of the season ma. I really love him but he would be going for a six months training without communications and I told him I would wait for him but he asked me to go and continue with my life that when he comes back he would come for me so that we can continue with the relationship.
He said the reason was that he doesn't want it to look as if he was tying me down in the relationship and I told him hell NO I can't do that,but he kept ringing it to my hearing that I should do that. He would be going for the training on the first of January.
Please ma I am confused I don't know what to do.

I Want To Serve Her Divorce Papers! Update.

Recall the earlier mail I published about a man who wanted to serve his wife a divorce papers because of her nagging attitude (Read Here). 
His wife sent this to me:

Little things matters in marriage, he is a businessman, I think he brings what he hears from his colleagues home,how they treat their wives. I always tell him that some people will tell you what they don't do.
Secondly am working,because of that I will be the one taking care of my needs and that of my kids,fine am not worried about that,but my anger is that I do all that,even buys things for him anytime I see his size,most of all his clothes,boxers and singlets but anytime am broke he will be making life miserable for me,he can't even help me with money.
The last one that just happened was on 25th December ,I borrowed N1500 from him to buy recharge card,and luckily for me a friend just transfered N20, 000 to my account as Christmas gift and he was with my phone then. He now came to me and asked whom the person was,I said I don't know ,that it was a mistake,and later I now told him that it was not a mistake and I now told him the person that gave me the money. He asked if he could use my ATM to withdraw the money for me,I said okay. He went and withdrew the money for me, I never asked him for the money.
The next I wanted to buy something for the kids,I asked him for money he said no,okay give me my money, he brought the money and removed the N1500, and another N1500 he paid for my kids(our)during children funfair on Christmas day,okay fine. The one that pained me most was that he even removed his transport fare that he used to go to that ATM.

Ma,since that six years of marriage from pregnancy till the day I will put to bed,I only take care of myself all in the name that am working, and I believed that I have tried enough ,he had problem in his business ,luckily for me I was posted to N***,all the money I made there all entered in my family and business ,yet he never appreciated that.
The worst he started seeing it as if was trying to control him,okay I had to collect loan and gave him,now his business is now flourishing, they are deducting the money from my salary, am now left with only N*** every month. All he does now is to buy food stuff(not all)for the family, the remaining one, I will still do it and still take care of myself.
He used to beat me even during pregnancy, I always tell his parents,brothers and sisters,but God so kind they all love me,they never supported him especially the mum. I love his family,all these things I hid them from my people ,I only told my mum once,and she warned him seriously that if he is tired of the marriage, that she will like me to even come back home. Now beating has stopped cos I told him that now am through childbearing and you know M*** people our second name is divorce, and moreover I can change my transfer to another state.

I compare him with neighbours,cos where we are living am the only wife working there,all others are house wives,yet I see how they dress,though I don't know their income,but I appreciate their husband so much,cos me I know that if am not working by now,one day he can decide to go out and leave us without food,he believes so much in his business, see his words everyday(more money more business).
I always tell him that the day he will put his family first,that's the day he will start progressing beyond his imagination, cos I know if your wife is not happy,you can never be happy,don't wait until you become Dangote.
He is the type that loves money so much,that he wouldn't mind if you sleep with a man to foot any bill or even take care of myself....
He has never opened his mouth to say he is sorry,because of pride. I might not be perfect, but I think am among the best,cos am very hardworking, upon all the stress am passing through ,none of his people is even aware of it,people even envy me self cos I packaged very well.
Anything I want if I don't buy it or give him money to buy for me,he can never buy it,yet he enters market daily. Inbox him and ask him if he knows my size of my shoes ,clothes or lingeries even that of my kids.

The only time you will see him humble is if he wants sex,cos he believes that's how to show a woman love. Anytime I see him around me,am always angry,I prefer staying alone,rather than giving in what I don't enjoy. The way I am now,even if I see him with any girl I will not disturb myself,I always tell him to even look for girlfriend self, so that he will learn how to take care of woman.
We dated for three months before we got married, cos I met him through my elder sister. He pretended to be nice but now reverse is the case,cos he believes that now if I leave him that I will suffer with the kids,that he is man that he can marry another person,he even said when I was pregnant for my last baby that if I go now,that only Obasanjo's age mate will near me.
Ma nine months became nine years to me,I got tired of the pregnancy but thank God for safe delivery,I worked on myself that you will not know that I was married let alone having kids,and believe me I move market more than the singles now,so he's now scared.
I still respect him by keeping to myself without even arranging boyfriend for myself,because I know nothing lasts forever but one can even get a month happiness and love from them na.

What Are my Chances with Him?

Good morning aunty. How are you doing and compliments of the season
There's this guy I met on Facebook in September. He was everything I desired in a man and more and we got along just fine. He was serious about building a relationship with me and I was too. He told me he has a daughter and am okay with that.
At the early stage of our 'relationship' we couldn't get enough of each other (not sexually). We spoke every minute, even chatted till midnight. Then all of a sudden, things changed. We began to drift apart. If I try to bring it up, he will treat it nonchalantly saying I was assuming things but I knew what I was saying. He even stopped calling (I do most of the calling) saying they were owing him where he worked. He logs out in the middle of a chat, and then sometimes he won't pick his call up to the sixth time of calling. Sometimes he apologizes, at other times he doesn't.
One day, I came online and saw that a lady tagged him to her picture. Out of curiosity, I opened the woman's page (I don't always do this after all I've being seeing other tags). Lo and behold the profile picture was that of the guy and this woman in a traditional marriage attire. I went through the album and discovered he was married to her and they had three kids. The last baby was not up to six months.
I was devastated. I cried and poured out my heart to God. Days later, I confronted him. He didn't deny it. He said they were separated and that he had no plans of having her back and that why he didn't tell me was that he felt the issue was a sensitive one and that he thought it wise to wait till we meet before saying it. That he told me about his daughter because she was in his custody.
I asked if the bride price has been returned, he said no. That the girl's family has been sending emissaries to him but that his mind was made up because of the things she did to him and particularly his mum. The lady was sending more and more of their family pictures to his timeline. He was also clicking the like button on almost all of the pictures. He said he wanted me in his life that's why he opened up to a relationship.
Aunty am confused here. What are my chances with this guy? Do you think he loves me? What of his wife and kids. Honestly I won't mind him reconciling with the wife when I first found out at least for the sake of the children but he said he swallowed a whole lot from her just for the children's sake but right now he was not denying they were his children, children or no children that he must move on. Pls house talk to me. What do I do?

A Case for Single Mothers

You left a young girl with a child for one without a child. According to you, the one with a child is wayward while the girl without a child is very decent. Sir, that is a lie!  Her having that child means she didn't want her sin to give birth to a greater sin - murder. That one you are about getting hooked to after leaving the one with a child could be mother to so many dead babies. If you love a girl, just leave her past behind and love her. If she has a child, show her love by loving her child.

http://www.amaraofficial.com/2015/06/she-was-bad-girl-so-what.html

A fan was about calling off a three-year-relationship when he called me. The woman had a baby outside wedlock but never told him until he proposed. I asked him just two questions: Do you love this woman? Don't you think she didn't tell you all these before now simply because she didn't know where the relationship was going and because she was scared of losing you? Am I trying to support the girl? Not really. He agreed with me. His family kicked against the marriage.

http://www.amaraofficial.com/2015/08/for-single-mothers.html

It was a tough battle for more than one year. We got to that point where his family sent insulting messages to me. But a day came that everywhere became calm and they got married at Ikoyi Registry, Lagos, Nigeria. Now they have twins - a boy and a girl, and the baby girl was named after me (smiling). The man would  later call to show gratitude for the "wise counsel". He tells me how much of a blessing his wife has been. I am also happy because they gave their daughter my name, Amara..

Guys, girls with children are often not as bad as those who kill their innocent babies claiming it's not murder because they are not humans yet. What am I not saying? What I am not saying is that thing you think I am saying.
And who knows? Her having a child shows you she is fertile with her womb intact...LOL

The Law of Karma

A woman, sometime in 2008, mocked a divorced woman. In 2013, she found herself divorced and today, her words are changed. She has now come to agree that it's even very good women and men who get abused by their spouse.

A speaker once mocked single ladies in his church claiming it's because of their bad character. Today, at 35, his second daughter is still single while the first was married to a fraudster and later got divorced. They are all in his house.

A woman helped men and tradition against his fellow woman. This very woman led a group of other women against her brother's wife when she lost her husband. She helped men by denying this widow food for days. She forcefully shaved her hair and even made her drink water from the washing of her husband's corpse. Suddenly, she found herself a widow and hated the so called tradition. Well, not before she got the same bitter pill.

Another dealt with his brother's wife during her years of waiting. She is married for the past six years, no child.

Another went out of her way to be sure her friend's daughter didn't get married before hers. She succeeded, but that wasn't going to last. Her daughter got married, it was a fairy tale wedding. Eighteen months later, the marriage ended.

A rich man mocked a poor man calling him lazy and useless. According to him, he wasn't hardworking. Few months later, he was defrauded of all that he owned. He has been struggling to get back on his feet, his "hardwork" isn't paying off.

A woman I know always made mockery of light-skinned girls. She once told me that I am 'Ogbanje', from the marine kingdom. All these because of my color. God being who He is, her first grandchild showed up an albino.

Be careful what you say and do to others. You may think you are getting away with your many lies and wickedness against innocent souls. But God is in heaven and vengeance is His.

Karma is real. Will you be able to face it when it eventually shows up? If it doesn't show up now, it will certainly show up later.

Even as you pray, you may have to go ask your father or mother what is happening. You may also have to make restitution. Like Nigeria's former First Lady, Dame Patience Goodluck Jonathan, once told us, "there is God ooh".

I Finally Fell For Him!

Good day and season's greetings Ma'am. I am 29 years old "single" and seriously needs your advice and that of your lovely fans as well on this.
I am so confused at the moment and can't even explain how I feel now,for letting myself down like this. There was a male friend of mine who is 32 years old,that I have known since 2013 August,then he was asking me out for a date even though he was seeing someone then I felt so reluctant about the whole thing and told him no.But even before then I have been abstaining from sex for personal reasons.
Fast forward 2014,he kept contacting me and asking me to come visit him at his base because we were at different location,and state which I objected to it,because I wouldn't want him demanding sex from me plus he was still dating the other girl.
So in 2015 it continued with his demand of me visiting him which I never went,rather I ignored him,not until this festive period he came back home demanded we see which I obliged after much begging to see him and gave him a listening ears of what he has to say to me......
He wanted a serious relationship no jokes and his ex was married early this year according to him.
I then asked him to define the relationship and he asked me what was my challenge? I asked him to be specific to what he meant by that and he was yet to speak up.
N:B....My biggest sadness was the fact that we had something to do after seeing him and what pained me much was after abstaining for all this long I fell for him. Most men just kept complaining I am stiff with my principles ,decisions and stubborn.
Thank you ma'am your time and sorry for my long write up.

Gender Equality in the Home

Gender equality, one of the most used words in this 21st century. I support gender equality in the market place because I believe that man or woman, we should always get what we deserve at the work place. 

The case is different in the home. We don't always get what we deserve in the home and for peace to reign, we have to let go sometimes. As a married man or woman, your rights must be trampled on by your spouse and children every now and then.
If you want to bring in gender equality into the home, just be prepared for crisis.

If you want to have two captains in that ship, get ready for a shipwreck. There are co-pilots and the captain must work with and listen to his co-pilots for a successful journey...#catchthevision.

God has given that position to the man. Nature has given headship of the home to the man  and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  Any attempt to reverse this role leaves everyone involved broken and bruised. This is why we have lots of broken people all over the land.

I know that some women have successfully turned their husbands to wives. I know that some men, as a result of their failure to be the husband and father God has called them to be, have emasculated themselves. You sit home and do nothing while the woman goes out to war. You have voluntarily relinquished your position and so you shouldn't expect to see the woman be the wife and woman she should be. She is now a man in so many areas.

Take a closer look at homes where the woman is the man, there is always chaos. Even take a look at such women who turn their husbands to "vegetables", they lack peace and joy. We don't always like the sight of it. Isn't this a proof that it is anti-nature?

Dear modern woman, please allow your husband to be the man. Let him lead in the home. I know it can be very frustrating when you see no leadership ability in the man. It can be very frustrating when you have a lazy man with no vision as a husband. This is why I tell our young girls to look beyond the physical in their choice of a life partner. The money he has today could have come as a result of luck or some fraudulent practices and if you look at just the money, you would certainly be disappointed in the long run because such a man will not be able to keep that business or even be the husband he should be.

Look at his vision. Don't forget; there are people with unrealistic visions. If you have one of them in your life, you can only have what my people, the Igbos in Nigeria, call 'oji onu egbu oji' (he that uses words to cut down an Iroko tree). He will wake up daily dreaming of being an executive director and wanting a big office with aides, bit he will never step out to start small.

  Dear husband, being the man doesn't mean being Id El Amin. Being a man means being a lover and a protector. Yes, you have to be firm once in a while, but don't scare your children and wife away from you because if you do, there is disaster at the end; you will spend your last days on earth a lonely man. Protect your wife and your children. Build genuine intimacy with your wife. The kids will grow and leave home someday, only your wife will spend old age with you. Your wife is a helpmate/help meet (whatever you call it), her voice should be heard. You are the president of that institution while she is the vice president. Your children are all board members and so you need to start talking more WITH than you talk TO them.

Let love reign in our homes. Instead of fighting for gender equality, let us fight and work for love to reign. When there is love in our homes, things will naturally fall in place. When a husband loves and protects, the wife will naturally submit. When she submits, he would naturally love. When there is love, there is order and when there is order, there is growth.

I Don't Know Where this Relationship is Heading to?

Good evening aunty, am in a relationship of two years am 30 years old from Oyo state and my guy is 31 years, he's an Igbo guy from Imo..
Few months after we started dating, he introduced me to his parents and they all welcomed me to the family. One Sunday I went to his house and one of his aunties came to the house and asked of my name I told her... Immediately she started staring at me not knowing that she doesn't like me.
Now she has poisoned everybody's mind in the family that am not good for the guy spiritually.. His mother stopped calling me and a times if I call her she won't pick my calls.. I told my guy what I observed and he asked me not to worry about it..
Later my guy told me her aunty wanted to give him another girl that is Igbo but he still told me not to mind them that they can't choose for him which I believed. I love him and he also loves me . He's my best friend and we planned the future together.
He works with Federal Government and I also work with a private company.. He wanted me to go to catering school to know how to cook Igbo food. My mum like him so much. We trust each other. Not until few days ago I caught him that he has been seeing another girl who is an Igbo lady..
I confronted him about it and he couldn't deny it. He said he just met the girl three months ago so I asked him what was happening to us, he said that we were fine that the girl will soon go that I shouldn't border myself.
Before this girl issue he do tell me about marriage that next year by his Grace but he's not saying anything again.. Now am totally confused and scared cos I believe he told me what I wanted to hear about the girl that she will soon go.
Please ma I need your advise cos the girl is an Igbo girl and also his parents doesn't like me anymore and have endured enough in this relationship, when I mean endure he wasn't romantic when I met him he doesn't know how to talk but I changed everything about him..
He prayed about me and they told him am good for him and if he doesn't marry me he can't leave me..I also prayed about him, they told me he's good for me but there are some people in his family that has seen me as if I want to block them cos of the things he do give them.
Aunty please I really need your advise don't no where this relationship is going anymore. Thanks.
The pastor told him if he doesn't marry me he can't leave me cos he told the pastor his people doesn't want me.

Will Getting Her Dad Involved Bring any Issues?

Mama, please I need your advice on this; this story is long but I need you to understand it anyhow cos I don't know exactly how to put it.
I'm a single mother of a beautiful 10 year old daughter. I'm 29.
Just yesterday, my daughter started pleading that she wants to meet her dad who is now married with three kids, one on one. I promised her that I will try and get his number so that I can send her message across. Her birthday is in three days time and she wants to see him on that day.
My mother on the other hand, sent the guy away when my daughter was three months old, telling him that he doesn't want anything to do with him. She started taking care of her but I kept contact with my baby's father until he got married. Now I need help in taking care of her fees in school because she is about to enter secondary school. My challenge is, I don't know whether getting her dad involved in her life will bring any issues in future? I don't want anyone to take her away from me and my mother will be heart broken too because she stays with her, she can't even allow her to come stay with me.
I also need your fans who has seen anyone or has passed through this same stage to please advice me. God bless you ma!

Please Save a Soul, I'm Dead!

Good Evening Aunty Amara....I thank you for all The good things you have been doing... Especially for allowing God to use you....
Please aunty, I have been troubled since June when my fiancé came to see my dad..... It all started when I got back from school, I told him someone was coming for my hands in marriage,I showed him the picture of the man coming and told him what he does ..That he is a fashion consultant.
He doesn't sow but he gets the contracts then gives it to standby tailors to sow ... Though he is a graduate of philosophy.. He trained himself in school with the job and continued with it after school due to lack of job....
Aunty Amara the job is lucrative. After talking to my dad about all these, my dad bluntly refused giving reasons like the man is ugly, he is not up to my standard,his village is far, that the guy is a gold digger and that what do I know about marriage.
Meanwhile I wanted to further, this guy had already gotten forms for me which I could use to further (though am a graduate )but my dad denied me from going back to the east because of the young man...
So I lost the admission... My dad just hated the guy. Let me confess to you I have stayed with this guy for two months ... I found out his flaws and his imperfections. Aunty am sure I can live with him.
Now my dad is coming up with a plan of me going to further in the West where we stay all because he doesn't want me and the guy to see again(though we still see). Aunty Amara I and the guy already have plans of me furthering, my dad says the guy wanted me to further so that at the end of the day, I will be the breadwinner of his house.
Aunty Amara I really love this guy and I know he loves me,we are comfortable. Almost all my clothes were made by him, am not after money I just want to be happy ... Money can't buy me happiness...I don't want to loose my man...
Please save me because am confused... People see me smiling but inside me am dead with thought, please save a soul ...I want my dad's blessing in my marriage if not I would have gotten pregnant because that was the thought that kept popping up in my head.
I am 23 years and he is 35 years, age is no longer on his side that is what he keeps complaining about. Thank you and sorry for the long write up.

Her Friend is More Lovable than Her!

Aunty Amara Van-Lare thanks for being a solution architect,am a young man of age 23 years ,I just parted company with my girlfriend couple of months ago.
I met a girl of recent after my advances toward her,we became acquitted. I asked her for a relationship,which she said,she was going to think about it over months now.
Am kind of confused here but now am finding her friend more lovable than her,please I need your opinion.

The Power of Unity

As we go into 2016, my prayer for every marriage is that God will make you one indeed. The Bible, in Amos 3:3, tells us that two cannot work together except they agree. You are one and you cannot be going north while your spouse goes south.

The same Bible, in Matthew 18:19, tells us that if two of us shall agree on anything, it shall be done. It goes further to say that one shall put to flight a thousand, but two shall put to flight, ten thousand. Now, this is the power of unity.

We all have our vision and desires as individuals. But you cannot be happily married if you dont know how to bring your individual visions together for success. If you are truly one, you would find a way to successfully use your strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, one person has to put his or her vision on hold for the other and if that person happens to be you, why not? But as your spouse decides to put his or her vision on hold for you, make sure you give that person a reason to believe that the sacrifice is worth it. Selfishness does no good to your home.

http://www.amaraofficial.com/2015/11/qualities-you-want-in-spouse.html

I know that as women in this 21st century, we want to chase our own vision and stand out; it is good. But, you should never trade the unity and peace of your home for anything in this world. Those who did may never tell you this truth because they have to keep acting that they are happy. No one is happy in this life without a sweet and thriving relationship! They may act like they don't care, but they do and they daily wish they didn't trade that for career.

Become one with your spouse today and nothing shall be impossible for your home. Stop seeing your spouse as a stranger. Your spouse is you.

I also pray that the grace to "see you" be released unto you. When issues come up in your home, try not to see your husband or wife, see yourself. Ask God to help you change wherever change is needed. Concentrate on being the husband God wants you to be. Concentrate on being the wife you are called to be. Refuse to be influenced by the styles of this world. Refuse to do it the way your friends do it. Decide to lift the name of God high in your home. As you go into 2016, decide to make your home a heaven on earth. Make your home a godly model to many other homes.

May God's presence never depart in your home in Jesus name.

I Don't Want to be a Slave to Love!

Good day ma,I have read a lot on the advice your have been giving people and I must say you are really trying, may God continue to bless you ma.
Am a girl of 24 years but will be 25 by February 4. My issue is,I met a guy on Facebook months ago and I love him likewise him too. He loves me and I know,he has already introduced me to his parents and I have this feelings that they love me,his parents called my parents on Christmas day , they couldn't go and see them now due to the fact that am outside the country. But ma, the issue is I think my guy is moving too fast but he doesn't want to understand each time I address the issue,he use my pictures as his display pictures and also upload them on his timeline. He wanted me to do so too but am affraid maybe something might happen and people will start making mockery of me.
Now,this is really making him feeling insecured and he said I have something I am hiding from him or maybe I have someone am dating on Facebook that am still preserving, he wanted to show to the world about our relationship but am also scared not to have too much eyes on my relationship. And another thing about him is that he gets angry easily and I get pissed off with it,am a type that doesn't really love saying sorry except I see a good reason for doing so,my relationship with him almost ended this morning for this two reasons. Aunty Amara, please advice me,I love this guy so much that I don't want to lose him,he says I am proud but I don't think so just that I don't want to be a slave to love. Please advice me,what can I say or do to convince him about the uploading stuff,and not been able to say sorry is it a sign that am proud? Sorry for the long write up,I just want to pour out my mind. Thank you ma.

Is Virginity a Criteria for a Happy Home?

Good morning ma. I need your candid advice ma.
I am 24 years old lady. I have this boyfriend that we have been together for six years, he was my first love and was the one that took away my virginity but the issue is of lately we have been having series of misunderstandings that I would tell him let's go our separate ways but he would be telling me that I can't get a man that would love me the way he does.
That they would just use me and dump me that its hardly you see a man that marry a woman as non virgin living happily. Please ma is that a criteria for a happy home because it really borders me.

She's Always Disturbing me for Marriage!

Good morning aunty Amara, my name is K ,29 years old and about to round up my masters programme. There is this girl that has been close to me over a year now, she is 25 years old and she is a tailor.
Each time we meet, she will always be raising issues concerning marriage. Though I don't have a job yet and have also told her that am not ready for marriage now. But she will be calling and telling me that she has been rejecting other suitors for my sake and that its me she wanted to be with.
Ma I don't know what to do now. The age bracket I think is close and most importantly no job. Please advice me.

My Penis was not as Strong as a Wood!

Aunty Amara Good morning ma, hope family is great...
I have an issue that keeps me awake at night.. Ma please can masturbation cause Erectile Dysfunction? I started the act at a very tender age and grew with it... Over the years I get to stumble into articles that says porn causes ED. I started checking myself and noticed that my erection is not as strong as a wood and I don't know if it will be able to penetrate a woman...
Is there a need for me to be perturbed or is it normal... Am getting prepared for marriage and I will not want to tell stories when the time comes... Must I be hardened down below or is my hard, hard enough?
Please ma am confused because my girlfriend has been faithful for five years now and still a virgin... Will not want her waiting to be for nothing... Please ma what's the best thing for me to do...
Thank you ma.

He Can't Speak Good English!

Happy Christmas and a prosperous new year in advance. Good evening ma, please with all due respect insult is allowed.
I have known this guy for like three years now and we haven't had any sex, he is caring, loving and the guy is so much into me. He wants to marry me but I have been rejecting him because of his inability to speak good english *me self am not perfect*, he is too jealous and we always have issues about the way people comment on my pictures like Angel, my Queen.
I have prayed on my own so many times but instead of him leaving he is becoming more serious. I have even gotten a clear revelation that he is my husband but how do I cope with his jealousy and inability to speak well. I suddenly developed this hatred for him that even his calls pisses me off but yet he couldn't let go and I have done so many bad things to him to let me go but he is still there telling me how much he loves me.
I tried explaining to my mum but she said I should wait until he comes back that I might love him with time. Please ma do you think that will be possible? Sorry for the long write up and errors

How Do I Introduce my Fiance to my Family?

Hello Mrs Van Lare, a friend introduced me to this page. You are doing a great job.
Am twenty-five years old, in a serious relationship. My fiance is 30, a photographer, he stays with a friend (he is searching for accommodation presently) and he is all I desire in a man. He planned to travel with me in order to introduce me to his family (though I speak with them on phone). But I refused because he is yet to get his own accommodation..
Please am I being strict by acting that way?
Also, what is the best way for me to introduce my fiance to my family....I feel shy.
Thanks Ma.

My Mum Embarrassed my Girlfriend!

Aunty good evening, my story goes like this: am a 24 years old boy dating a girl of 20 years. I love the girl that I will like to marry her but something happened last week that my mum embarrassed the girl saying she was eating my money but I cautioned my mother but since then the girl has been acting strange towards me.
She doesn't pick my calls again nor talk to me but I gave so many reasons not to call off the relationship but she has made up her mind.
Please aunty advice me what do you want me to do?

I Want to Serve Her Divorce Papers!

Good day ma, compliments of the season. Please Amara I am married for six years now with three beautiful kids but I have not had any love from my wife,worst part of it was she always nagged at me even when I asked her for something, she replied me in an arrogant way.
During sex she nagged at me, since I married her,she was never satisfied for what we have,she always complained whenever she saw what neighbours achieved.
I want my lawyer to serve her a divorce notice because of these her characters, please want your advice and people advice.

I Don't Want to be Fooled Again!

Hello Aunty Amara, I am 31 years. I was in a relationship that lasted for three and a half years but ended last year. He was my course mate in school, before he travelled abroad. I was always faithful to him, I never had another man for any reason. Even when nobody saw my faithfulness, God did. I didn't know that I was been kept because of his sister that was not doing well, I was always visiting and taking care of things. Until he came last year and fooled me.
His step brother called me and asked me if am sure his brother truly loved me, because am a nice person and wouldn't want to see me cry. I didn't understand what he was saying until he showed me a WhatsApp message between them that he doesn't have feelings for me but because of his sister that am still in the relationship. Till tomorrow I didn't mentioned it to anyone that his step brother showed me their chat. I moved on with my life.
Now, my very good friend is asking me out, and I am scared of men. He came to Nigeria yesterday and we both visited his family. The truth is that I am scared because anybody can say I love you or I want to marry you. I don't want to be fooled again! Kindly advice me.

Will He Take Advantage of my Emotions?

I am 25 years, presently in law school, was in a relationship that lasted for six years but ended last year. We loved each other so much but couldn't get married.
After the breakup, I lost interest in relationships, I couldn't love or get attracted to any man for one year,I hated being asked out and didn't want to have anything to do with marriage or men. I was getting scared I had a problem because I wasn't liking or loving any guy again until November, I met a guy at a wedding, we bonded immediately and started dating almost immediately. I realised in less than one week after I was in love with him, we started getting serious,I kept loving him but realised the love was more from my side, he liked me but don't feel as much as I do for him, this started making me worried I was showing more than I was getting.
The first day I told him I love him, his reply wasn't encouraging, he didn't say he loves me too, rather he said time will tell if I do love him,this made me regret telling him I love him, my friends kept advicing I take things slow with him but I was deeply in love with him,we had a minor issue three Saturdays ago and didn't talk for two days, I missed him terribly and was dying to hear from him, I couldn't hold on, had to break the silence the third day.
However it hurt me that he could actually ignore me and didn't crave to hear from me like I did,I felt unimportant to him with the "I don't care attitude he displayed". We resolved that and started talking like before but that same week we resolved the issue,I sent him messages on WhatsApp, he kept coming on line however wasn't reading or replying mine,this went on for three days, he won't read/reply my message yet he came online daily.
I decided to call him on the third day,he didn't pick, five minutes later he was online on WhatsApp ,this made me feel so bad and rejected, acting on impulse, I dropped another message asking him not to contact me again that it's better I forget about the relationship now instead of going through little things that will traumatize me,I already had the impression he doesn't love me,he's aware of how emotional and fragile I was.
The thing is that ever since then, he didn't make any attempt to contact me, its two weeks now and no call from him. I have decided to forget him,I feel he doesn't love me hence his attitude of not sending or remembering I exist,I feel I mean nothing to him,feel he doesn't love me, am I wrong or overly reacting?
I'm really in love with him,I'm dying to hear from him and get back with him,but scared he doesn't love me and may do things that will hurt me the more, am I wrong with my thoughts? I love care and attention,love being treated special and pampered,but this I don't get,I'm seriously tempted to call him and beg him, will he take advantage of me knowing how much I love him and my weakness? What's the best solution?

I Don't Want to Push Him into Cheating!

Hello Aunt Amara compliments of the season! God will continue to bless you for all you have been doing and the advice you give to single and married on this page.
Ma am tired and confused right now. I got married two months ago, I love my husband so much and he loves me much more that I can ever imagine, we live in peace and we were happy with each other until I became pregnant for him. Since I became pregnant everything changed, am no longer romantic and sexy the way I used to be, I no longer cook for him, he comes back and cook for himself without complaining but I always feel bad but I can't help it, there is no strength to do anything,I manage to have my bath a times!
Since I got pregnant we have not had sex, when ever the urge comes my tummy will turn up side down until I stop the romance and keep calm for sometime before the pains will come down. My food doesn't really taste nice again because I can't stand for long in the kitchen, I always make it fast fast so I can go and rest because I feel very weak.
Sometimes my husband complains bitterly and I will start crying, he will tell me to calm down that he understands, I will still make moves just to make him happy, sometimes I blame myself for getting pregnant so fast and also thanking God for making it come fast.
Please ma is this my condition normal to every married women or is there anything I should do that am not doing or is there anything I should do? Am just five weeks pregnant and it has really affected my husband sexually. Am really worried, my husband is not the cheating type and I appreciate God for that.
I don't want to be the one to make him start it. Please ma what should I do? I love him so much and I don't want to lose him he respects me a lot. Thanks a lot please ma am waiting for response. God bless you.

My Boobs Makes me feel Depressed and Traumatised!

Good morning aunty Amara, please I need your advise on this. This is an issue that has been eating me up since teen. I've got this obvious asymmetrical breast, it has caused me so much social trauma; I hardly camp with a fellow girl, have lost my self confidence, I'm being so selective in my wears, infact it has turned me into such an indoor girl that everyone around me complains.
And the worst is that I rarely give any guy a dating opportunity in my life for fear of being exposed. As I write to you now I feel so depressed and traumatised. I'm actually awaiting NYSC but that I must tell you is one of my biggest challenge cos it's sacrosanct I'll wear polo which I've never done before.
Please I need your advise on this, I've never been happy since my teen.

Is Being with Him a Good Idea?

Aunty Amara, thanks for all the intelligent advice you give on your page. Aunty, I am drowning in confusion and I have to speak out. I dated this guy when I was in the university and he was my first love. We had a no sex relationship because I was a virgin. Aunty I love him to the moon and back.
There was this girl he once dated in the past. She doesn't want to let go. She kept coming around while we were together and he openly kept telling her off. She had other relationships but simply refused to let go of him. She knew how much he loved me and that made her to keep coming around to get me to react but I always kept my cool.
One of such days, he foolishly slept with her probably because he was sex starved by me and got her pregnant. This was what she actually wanted. Aunty that was where the gap between us started developing. He was running away from me because he was ashamed to face me. She had a baby boy and he is really taking care of them. He clearly told her and her parents that he wasn't ready for marriage but he was going to take care of them.
Aunty he is miserable now because he doesn't love her. He came back to me begging me to please forgive him. He said he is not happy being with her and he has seen he can't be happy without me. He was crying while saying all these. She went around saying he was her husband, she hated me so much because she saw me as a strong competition. Circumstances has tied him to her but his heart is with me. Aunty honestly I love him so much and have forgiven him.
But because he has a son now and that made the lady so present in his life, I don't know if being with him is a good idea. She is so desperate, she may even hurt me. I tried to move on but I still can't forget him. I need your advice please.

How Do I Tell Him this Bad News?

Good evening aunty Amara. I am a little worried and confused. My marriage is barely two months old and I just discovered I have a lump in my breast. I don't even know what or where to start.
My husband and I were even having challenges of erectile dysfunction since we got married( we didn't have any sex before our wedding )and we have been working on how to fix that and start trying for babies.
Aunty Amara, I don't even know how to start telling him this bad news about lump and I'm only 25 years old. I can't tell my mum because it would affect her blood pressure, she worries too much. I don't know what to do. I need matured advice please. I am so scared. I haven't lived any rough life so I don't know why this is happening.
Please aunty Amara tell me what can I do at this point.

I'm Scared of Great Opposition!

Good evening ma. I really want to appreciate your good works. I am the last child in a family of five :two girls and three boys. My upbringing has been stiff and godly. Please I will be very grateful when you reply.
Am 27 years from Enugu and he is 33 years from Aba ngwa. I met him when I went for NYSC. He was all I wanted in a man. We have been communicating although I went back to my base Lagos while he is still there in one of the North eastern states. He respects me and despite my weaknesses he still stands firm.
He requested that he wanted to bring his people to see my parents. I accepted and told my eldest siblings , they objected seriously. I was opportuned to travel home and that's where my parents based and I opened up, my dad accepted but my mum declined bluntly. I don't want to get pregnant behind to get them to accept by force.
I have prayed and I believe I have peace in my heart despite where he hails from, I believe yes they have the stigma but time has grown past all that was, besides no place or tribe despite their extreme goodness is void of one or two dents. While discussing the second time with my parents, my mom screamed at my dad if he knew what he was talking about by giving me consent to go that far. She asked him to call his brother to hear the matter, my uncle and my dad's friends came around and they deliberated that it was not that bad and time has gone past such traditions.
They kind of objected at his source of income, cos he is into poultry farming, although he was deported from Europe cos of expired papers. He still has plans of doing importation of cars in due course. But they said poultry business cannot fend us for too long. The issue is I need their support and my elder sister who called to check up on them was told about the latest development and she said I was a disappointment since I can't let him go knowing where he hailed from and that they have frowned at it before I traveled to tell my parents and for letting the matter get to the extended family already at this stage.
That what am I rushing for at my age of which I checked the statement over, deep down I know am not desperate and I remember her mother in law hails from that side. And she stood her grounds and even took in for her husband who is from Mbaise just to be with her love. Hmmmm.
My suitor said he is going to sign undertaking if that was what they wanted to prove that I'm in safe hands.
He doesn't want to let go of me and I truly love him.
The meeting of those elders would be on Monday to conclude that was after they said my mom and dad and I should pray and seek God's face. I have been praying. I am just scared of the outcome and great opposition. Please help me get on my faith line stronger.

Can a Man be Faithful?

Good evening ma, please ma how certain is this... # no man can ever be faithful or contented with one woman# cos I can't believe that a guy I have been with through rough and hard times till now things were becoming better was having another affair although he wasn't aware I knew (I have all the detailed proof) but he hasn't changed towards me still caring for us both.
Please can the men in this group answer me, are all men really polygamous? cos I don't understand why he was doing this cos I have put all my best in this relationship. My friends said love isn't faithfulness that men loves but they are never faithful.
How true is this ma?

Should I Take my Son to His Father?

Good evening Amara Van-Lare... I saw that you give serious advice on how to handle problems..My story is this::
I got married to my husband who I dated for only one year before marriage. Three months after my court and traditional marriage my husband changed drastically, too much beatings and disgrace, he would flog me with rope, wire and belts till I faint most time, he beat out two pregnancies from me on two occasions. His home coming was usually hell for me, my family didn't support me leaving him, my mum was never by my side so I was all alone in the fight, believe me the domestic violence was terrible.
Then I found solace in a male(single) neighbour, he was my best friend and confidant, he listened to me and comforted me, he was there for me in a way nobody else has ever been, with him I was no longer sad and alone.
With time we started having sex, the truth was I enjoyed his attention at that time because he was the only one I could run to.. When my husband beats me up, I go to him secretly and he comforts me, along the line I got pregnant and I knew it was his, I kept the truth from my husband and I broke up with my neighbour when the pregnancy was three months old.
I gave birth successfully yet the abuse from my husband didn't stop, when my son was one year old I finally took the bold step and left my marriage back to my parents..
Since then I've been with my parents and my child... These days I've not been to settled when I remember the whole episode, what will people say when they find out, am I fully to be blamed and should I take my son to his real father??

What Can I Do to Get my Parent's Support?

Good day ma, please am confused help me
My name is C, am 27 years and am into a relationship for three years now with a man of 32 years. He is from the same community were I grew up. He is God fearing man and from a Christian home his family can not do with out God that is number one thing why I like him.
He is a nice man, a husband material among all men that has come my way he is the best both in character and other things. Am not saying it because we are dating no. Now we agree to marry but the problem is traditional issue OSU(Outcast) he met my people to pay my bride price, when they found out where he came from they were disappointed they said that he is good for me but he can't marry me because of the OSU.
I pleaded with my people that we are all Christians and I did not believe in it but they refused and they said if I marry him they will disown me. We love each other very much, I have prayed on my own and the revelation is clear that he is my husband and the prophecy they gave about him and I is clear. I so much believe in God because in my life without God am nothing, I always do things based on his directions and I explained it to my people but no one listened to me. I need my parent's blessings and their support in my marriage especially my mother no matter what.
Because in marriage love alone is not enough to handle what is in it. I don't know how to go about it to avoid had I known or to regret why I did not marry him. I really need your advice and that of your fans. God bless you for your good work.
Thanks.

How Do I Love My Partner?

Aunty,good evening, you're blessed. Ma,this may be a long write up but I really need to pour this out cos I feel terrible now.
Am 22 years ma,started dating my brother's best friend when I was in final year,never wanted the relationship at first cos I just saw him as my bro's friend,who usually comes and,sleeps over. In fact,he became part of the family,mum likes him like mad,my aunt too,he likes my family too. He told my mum that he wanted a relationship with me,I kept refusing until I decided to give it a try cos of his love for me and family, care and patience although my brother found it difficult(guys don't like their friend to date their sister) but he told me he's good.
We started dating 2013,initially it was on and off but he didn't let me go,he was patient with me despite my harshness towards him. He's 25,we are currently serving,he wants to settle down with me,I see his zeal,from day one ma,he's been loving,no matter what I do,he forgives so easily,doesn't stay angry with me for long.
We haven't had sex,told him I don't want to till am married,he told me he's a virgin but I don't know. The thing is I don't show him love,I annoy him most times,I don't care about him the way he does,have grown to love him but I find it difficult to show him that love,to pet him,he laments about the way I make him down emotionally,I fell bad ma,I want to change,I feel that if I lose him,I may not find someone who would love me the way he does,just like people say,girls do not love the guy who really loves them,instead they love a guy who doesn't.
I don't want that,true love is hard these days,lol and the fact that he respects my decision of no sex,most guys nowadays wont have that you know. He's not perfect but the basic things one needs in marriage is what he has,I can manage his bad attitude. I want to change,I want to love this guy who loves me unconditionally, I want to make him feel loved and happy,this is my first serious relationship so I think am just inexperienced.
My aunt said that am rigid,unromantic,I don't know the value of what I have until I lose it. I don't want that to happen. Help me change,how can I change.

How Can I Get a Man Who won't Mind my Children?

Good morning ma please I have a burden. I'm at the verge of divorce as a result of domestic violence, emotional torture and loneliness. My husband abandoned me sexually too even though we live in same house, this denial has lasted for more than three years he abandoned huge part of our financial responsibility and our children's up keep.
He doesn't really have yielding source of income yet turns down several offers and suggestions from me or any other person. He is also a chronic unrepentant casanova and throws some of his moves to my face.
My marriage with him has lasted for ten years and I have been praying and hopping he will change. We are blessed with four kids. I'm about to leave the marriage but I'm afraid what the future holds as my salary is just N45000 and I cannot foot the entire bills alone I really wish to remarry and experience love and acceptance. I wish to find a good widower who will accept me with my children. I'm gripped with the fear of the unknown and what the future holds if I happen to walk away. Please what do I do how can I meet a good widower or single man who won't mind my children? Please I need your help.