Am I Being too Hasty?

Aunty Amara, God bless you for all the good work God has been using you to do here. Aunty please would you advice me to marry a man who has great dreams "with his mouth" , who won't make a move (that I can see), to actualize it? I love this man, he's nice , caring and patient, but I can't see a MAN in him. He's an engineer by education...He also studied Physics as second degree (not working), but managing the family business which isn't doing well.
In fact his father has no value for him, even though he has sacrificed a lot for the family, given up soo much (including his own settlement ) for his siblings. His dad has more regard for his apprentice than him, and the dad doesn't fail to flaunt it publicly. I don't know if he feels his son spends money on me because I'm not bad looking (please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be vain).
I've encouraged him to start his own business (of which I'm willing to provide capital), he doesn't seem interested by action, but by mouth. okay, get an office job na, no show. I'm getting tired of waiting for him any longer (I have been waiting for two years now).
Sometime this year, their last child (his younger brother - they are just three siblings ), gave him some money, instead he channeled it into the family business. He still stays with the family of which I've begged him to get his own place and I will support with the rent but rather today he's willing to, tomorrow he's not.
But he's a very wonderful man and I love him but I'm scared this will continue even if we manage to get married. Or am I being too hasty? Cos I know he wants to settle down with me.

Dating: For or Against

Ten years of dating isn't a guarantee for a happy marriage. Two weeks of dating isn't a guarantee that the marriage will hit the rocks. Many dated for five years and stayed married for one year. Others never dated but are happily married. We all have different destinies. I did not date my husband, we met and got married and no regrets because we both kept it real from the onset. A friend of mine met and married his wife in the UK after three days and they are twenty-eight years in marriage and crazily in love. A lady I know dated for eight years and was married for just two months. Dating in this century, more often than not, means free sex. Are you dating or having unending sex?

You can date for five years and be happily married forever. You can date for one week and be happily married forever. It's more about the genuineness of the people involved. Again, destinies are different. Don't try to play by those human rules when it comes to your life and future. Build a relationship with the Holy Spirit and know when He's asking you to go. If God takes you there, His presence will be with you to sustain you. Make sure you don't go without His presence.
You see? Just like the oxygen you take in, you need God's presence. Take your eyes off the physical and flow with the Spirit of God. That's the only guarantee to a peaceful and fulfilled life. That man may not look like what you want, but he is what you need. That girl may not be what you want, but God knows she is what you need.

You can never know the real person until you become Mr. and Mrs and begin to share common problems. Even with all the dating, are marriages better in this 21st century? Men no longer want to be husbands and dads, women no longer want to be wives and moms. Until we get to understand that marriage is all about sacrifice and 100% devotion, we won't have it God's way.

He Punched me on my Eyes!

Good morning aunty Amara please I need someone to talk to me before I do something crazy, ma I have known my husband for years before he travelled out of the country and I even had a son for him. After three years he came back last year December, then we got married February 27 of this year. Ma, two weeks to our wedding I discovered that my husband have a wife in abroad and a son, ma my pains now with him is that he always beat me like mad, the only place he used to target is my eyes, as am talking to you now he has punched me on my eye again, the place he has punched me before.
Ma, I did not find out from that he is married with kid in abroad, it was the wife herself that called me and told me , so since then my mind has not gone been at rest, but he is taking good care of me and my son. Ma, I am tired of this beating please advice ma.

What Should I Do?

Hello ma'am! May God keep you alive and strengthen you for us.
I have a little issue here! I don't really have a wonderful family because of Church issue, my mum's own is too much to bear, a lot of things has happened because of her pastor said her church side, we believe when we where small but now we no longer believe her with her pastor's stories.
Last year my brother in the UK sent an invitation letter to her so she can come to UK to have some rest, I personally was running rounds for the documents and all, she kept saying that holy spirit told someone in the church to tell her that she's not going to travel last year, that it's this year that she will travel been 2016. We begged her and begged her, called all her siblings to talk to her but she refused that she can't go against the holy spirit, which we all knew that it was their pastor that told her not to travel so that she can participate on their upcoming harvest.
Because of this we the children stopped given her big money because once you give her, she will give all to the church and keep asking for more, she doesn't have anybody she's training, only a small boy that is helping her out still she can't pay his school fees, we pay his school fee and other things. She can't pay for the shop where she sells things because she take all the money to the church, we ended up paying for her but this time we all refused to pay. A lot of things has gone wrong that I don't know where to start.
Now my brother is preparing for his wedding by the ending of the year, few days ago I asked him if his making arrangements for my parents to come over, he said yes but he can't afford to lose the kind of money he lost last year on my mother, I should first ask her if she's ready to travel, so I called my mum and asked her, she said we should give her two weeks to talk to her holy spirit, to know if she will travel.
I was so disappointed, called my elder sister in Nigeria to tell her, she decided to call her and keep shouting at her, she now changed it to three days( now she wants to go and ask her church if she should go), they even told her that my dad's hands are not clean and he wanted to kill her, my father is tired of her. All the asset my father gave her to be collecting money monthly and yearly, my father has taken them back because my mother can't account for the money, she shares it to the church. Everybody is tired.
My problem is I don't know what to tell my brother on what she said because he will be soo so disappointed too. Am not staying in Nigeria too, I can't invite her because she will end up saying the holy spirit said. Am thinking of inviting my Mother-in-law when the time comes. Am so tired of my mother.
Please ma what do you think I should do now? Thanks.

My Partner Verbally Abuses Me!

Good morning ma. God bless you abundantly for reaching out to those having one issue or the other. You are such a genius. Ma, would you advise one to marry a guy that insults her and calls her names like, idiot, stupid girl, serpent etc. Do you think this doesn't matter in choosing a life partner?
I have told him to stop the name calling on different occasions but he refused. Even his sister told him same. Please ma, I want to know if it is proper to marry such a man that call you names at every slightest mistake you make. Should one consider such before venturing into marriage? Thanks and God bless.

My Uncle Always Demand for Money!

Aunty Amara,
God almighty will continue to give you the wisdom in finding solution to people's problem. I appreciate your humanitarian service. God bless you.

My name is C*** from Anambra state. I am single and 36 years old. I am very humble, submissive, and graduate too.
I was born out of wedlock and life has not been easy for me since my childhood. I don't know my father and I'm not interested to ask. It seemed he denied me when my mother conceived me from the look of things.

My mother married and left me with her mother and brother at the age of six years when I was still in primary one. My mother's brother took care of me right from my primary school to the university. Though my mother's brother is not rich. He's just a primary school teacher (now retired). He was providing for me the little he could because he has a family with kids as well.

During my secondary school, he paid my school fees. After school and during the holiday, I go out with boyhood friends to do some menial job to be able to buy myself some clothes and other things I need. At university level, I had a scholarship and the money was paid into his own account yearly. He controlled the money and I never complained or bothered. After my graduation and NYSC, and two years later, one of my uncles (from my mother's side) sponsored me abroad and as God may have it, I'm doing my best.

The problem now is, since I left home to overseas, my mother's brother doesn't encourage or support me in any way. He rather chose to be selfish and demanding incessantly for money. Last time, I gave him money to invest for me but he used the money for his own interest. He never encouraged me or reminded me the necessary things I should do in life(example, building my own house, marry my own wife, etc), but all he keep asking from me is money. Recently I told him that I want to marry, but since I told him that, there is no sign that he supported my plans. I opened business for his wife but he kept asking for money together with his children. I have given him money to start doing something that will generate him income daily but he diverted the money for another thing which I don't know.
Now I have decided that I will marry this year weather he supports my plan or not as far as I have the support of his other brothers, my uncle and other relatives.
Aunty Amara, my worry is that he does not support or encourage me and direct me on some things I should place my priority on rather than asking for money. As I am writing this to you, I got a message on money issues.
Aunty please you and your fans should advice me in this situation. How do I handle this?
GOD BLESS YOU MA.

I Feel Irritated with my Female Friends!

Well done auntie. I am an ardent fan of your problem.
I am a phlegmatic person by temperament. I am very cool and easy going. I am in my mid-twenties. I discovered of recent that I am at loggerheads with almost all my female friends ( who are in relationship), that any slight issue stirs out anger in me. I have not asked any one out as we relate on a platonic level. Currently, am not in a relationship, but I want to know why this happens to me. It has been bringing sadness in me. please keep me confidential..... Thank you

My Best Friend Lied to my Fiancée!

Good morning ma, you are a very intelligent woman and may God continue to bless you. Ma, I have an issue bothering my mind for some months now, please advice me ma. I have a female friend that we have been together since our first year in school, we were so close that everyone thought we are sisters.
Though we were both from a poor family but ma I have always been there for this my friend, do help her with transport, foodstuff, money, take her to hospital when she's sick, a lot of things. Ma, my friend requested for some money from my fiancée and even told him not to tell me about it. I encouraged him to give her the money and he did.
But the most annoying thing is that she lied to my man, telling him she wanted to use the money to solve a family problem that involved the police which is a big lie. Am very hurt that a friend I trusted so much could hide these away from me, have began to dislike her and am thinking of distancing myself from her.

She Hardly Communicate with Me!

Let me start by thanking you for the good work and counselling you have been rendering to the society at large, it's really commendable.
My wife and I based are in different countries, we meet each other annually, we had three kids. The problem is that most times I will try to reach her on phone she won't pick calls and she hardly calls me as well, even when I will finally get her, she will bring one excuse or the other to cover it up. She may say the phone is not with her or that she was attending to one thing or the other, but what is really annoying me is that most times that I will call her she pick up, and even after she saw my missed calls, she won't bother flashing or calling back. Most times I will use a friend's number to call her number after not picking mine, I mean a strange number and she will pick it. I am really confused about this act because sometimes she will act or talk as though she is praying for good and success of the family but her altitude says the opposite, please I need advice on how to handle this issue because it's really eating me up.

My Husband is Insensitive to my Pains!

Happy Sunday ma'am please mam I need your advice. I love my hubby before and I know he love me too but since I started giving birth, the love revoked, he doesn't care how I feel. When I asked for money he talked like shit before giving me and he stopped me from working, all he know is sex. He does not know how to do it without penetrating.
We live alone in one quiet West African countries, I gave birth to four kids and my last born was twins. Hmmm I went through heaven during those twins' pregnancy, that was why I swore to God that he should give those people that are in need but for me he should shower his mercy and long life for me and my kids.
Have gone through hell in family planning, I have tried all types of it such as pill, (makes my tommy big and look like s&s patient) three months injection,(for nine months without menses and for good two months plus with heavy period that can make me change pads like five times a day with clot), impact under arm (same with inject and to breath in and out is a big problem). That was why am tired of family planning and he does not like condom to use and I think he doesn't want me to be successful in life, my reason are many before I could say that
(1) He makes Visa for many people to travel out of the country such as Canada, America, Europe, Japan e.t.c and many of them go without paying him and he did not care for that, he always says is not his doing
(2) With his connection it is difficult for him to help me look for job even though he refused to send me abroad
3) During my twin delivery he said I'll deliver in any country of my choice but nothing I see than to deliver here. My kids are growing up and I need to work but I just detected that I missed my period which I totally did something to remove it cos I only suffered to nurture kids, and twins are still young even during birthday nothing like happy birthday to you honey, nothing like presenting me on Facebook which some men does to make their wife happy or presenting a gift. Even with pain I went through just to get rid of the pregnancy till now, I have not heard sorry from him and I said this is the time I wake up and look for job and find creche to enroll my twin if possible.
Please aunty Amara I really need advice, am tired, I don't know what to do anymore and it amazes me how all men is just to know only their interest not the concerns about other parties, I just need prayers from you and your fans for God to grant me a good job that will change my life and make me independent please ma'am
Note: No one is perfect so no insult we all know life without work is like corpse

The Holy spirit Led me to Her!

Good day ma, I really thank God for blessing you with great wisdom. Ma, few years ago I met a girl in my church through the leading of the Holy spirit. I clearly heard a voice, I was in the church the Holy spirit spoke to me this is your wife, behold I went to meet the girl that God said you are my wife, she immediately replied me that you are not my class and she is not asking God to give her man of my type. I got biggest disgrace of my life, because no woman has ever spoken to me in that way before.
I left her alone because age wise I am senior to her, she is 28 years while I am 42 years and I left higher institution before she even got admission to university. The is this, I have a calling and I have been following the leading of the Holy spirit. Of recent, I was praying asking God to connect me to a life partner, the Lord still mentioned the same girl that she is my future wife. Ma what do I do to a girl that opened her mouth to tell me I am not her class. I have forgotten about her but the Lord is still leading me to her. Thank you, hope to hear from you.

I Feel Weak and Alone in my Relationship!

Good morning auntie Amara, I am T***, I am a new friend with you ma. I met a lady on Facebook in the year 2013 precisely February, we have been talking on phone since then till 2015 June when we eventually met with each other. We became so close, I asked her out on my birthday which was on August 30 2015, she gave me an answer also on that very day. So we started the relationship from that moment. Two days after, she told her mentor, her mentor was very angry about it, her mentor said how can she just accept the proposal just like that, she told her parents about it, her father accepted but her mum refused saying that she does not like my surname. I asked her what her decision on that was, she said we should let the will of God be done and she can't disobey her parent in anything, I said its okay.
We became closer day by day, whenever we talked about our relationship sometimes she will only say let the will of God be done. Recently I have been feeling dry, we do argue about calls, sometimes when she is in the midst of her friends, she wouldn't pick my calls, giving me excuse that she does not want them to feel jealous about her relationship etc, even if she picks up my call, she will talk to me just as normal friend, that is casual friend. Anytime I try to correct her on that, she gets upset about it and at the end of the day I will be the one begging her, sometimes when I call her in the morning, she wouldn't pick my call until mid day, when I ask her about the missed calls she gives so many excuses like I was praying, after praying I went to take my bath and then prepare for school etc.
I usually call her 6am, but when I saw that she does not appreciate my calls I stopped, I began to text her, she will not respond to my messages until she feels like, even to say I love you in the midst of her friends, she finds it difficult,until when she is alone she will now be calling me darling, honey, sweetie etc.
Auntie Amara right now am feeling dry about her, sometimes when we start talking, I don't know what to say next which has never been happening before, it has gotten to a point where when she will tell me to change the topic, sometimes she will shun me off. Even her mentor said she should take me home to meet her parent, which she has been postponing.
Ma, what do you think I can do at this very moment? Thanks so much ma, expecting your reply ma.

What Went Wrong in my Marriage?

Good evening Mrs Avl how are you doing? Want to say a big thanks to you for saving some homes especially mine, may God continue to bless and keep you. Whenever I feel like talking to someone, the only person that comes to my mind is you. I have been following your advice and it helps me a lot.
Okay the problem is that after I found out that my husband is a constant cheat, I can't help it but feel bad, he keeps late night sometimes, he comes home around 4am and I have talked to him calmly about it, no change. I just chose to ignore his late nights, he always travel back to Nigeria once in a while, let's say every four or five months.
The last time he came back, I saw a WhatsApp chat he had with his girlfriend thanking him for the awesome experience she had with him, her nude pictures, even telling him how good he was in bed and that she can't wait for him to come back again. When I confronted him he became furious asking me what I was looking for in his phone (this happened about five months back). I have stopped checking his phone since then as this incident nearly broke my home, but I know fully well that he's still chatting with the girl till now.
Okay he's planning on travelling to Nigeria next week and I can't help it but keep remembering that incident knowing that once he leaves now, some girl somewhere is already waiting to welcome him. I really don't know what to do as this is getting to me. I hardly focus these days, I can't seem to get this off my mind.
Should I tell him how I'm feeling, If yes how do I say it because he's the type that always flares up when you talk to him calmly. Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I have never ceased from pouring out my heart to God in prayers but once I look at myself in the mirror I keep asking myself what went wrong is it that I'm no longer good enough for him? He really isn't bothered whether I'm happy or not. Please ma help me because I feel soo drained.

Not Comfortable with my Fiancée's Accommodation!

Hello Aunty Amara Good morning.
I'm a lady of 27 who's about settling down in no time after three years in a relationship. The problem I have is, my fiancée is living with his two elder brothers and two other family members(females) in a two bedroom flat. Many things go wrong in the house, like he shares his bedroom with his immediate elder brother, they go in and out of his bedroom like no man's business, they take food from the pot immediately I finish cooking, they see me as a threat, they bring in women to the house and have control over the TV and which channel should be on.
Seriously, I've pondered on all these and is giving me a very big concern. The distance female cousins see me as a competition. They believe they should be the ones to find a woman for their brother, like I heard they succeeded in destroying one of his relationships and he did nothing about it. Now this my fiancée is a compassionate man and his family is using his weakness against him as he doesn't know how to say no to someone. They try at all time to manipulate him. Now he promised to find a place for them before our marriage but I don't see that zeal in him and he's not doing anything about it. Now he said after our wedding. I've even promised to assist if money is the problem which I know is not. Please just know that these people are not kids... The elder brothers are 40,38 but single. while the ladies are 32 and 26 not married too. This issue is eating me up. I don't express myself freely because I fear someone is somewhere listening or peeping to what I'm saying or have to say.
Please, I still have other suitors coming, I'm only concerned because I love him. I can't put everything into writing but so many things is not going right. Note, I don't live with him but visits and have witnessed a lot through the years we have been together.

Please house, I need a sincere advice. Thank you!

I'm Tired of His Lack of Money!

Good day ma, a friend introduced me to your page. Please ma I urgently need your advise. I am married for four years now with two wonderful kids. The problem is that my husband has not got a good job, he is just managing as a teacher.
I have been the one sustaining the home(I work with N***). Though my husband is loving and caring but am tired of his lack of money. I can't buy what I need anymore because of family responsibilities.
To worsen it my father warned me not to marry him cos he is not rich but I went ahead thinking he will get a better job sooon, this is the fourth year. The painful part is my father is now mocking us. I want to divorce him so I can be free. I don't even love him anymore. Please advise me. You may read : how do I keep my home?

I'm Tired of the Whole Situation!

Good day Aunt, thanks for your good works. Aunt, am very devastated now and needed someone to talk to, so I decided to write you. Am a student in a federal institution in Imo state. Ma, I work and school at the same time in order to take care of my expenses. My landlord and the two sons (both married) have been disturbing me to have affair with them, my landlord even promised to pay me the amount I earn in my work place every weekend if only I agree to be with him, but I always knew that the aftermath of following a married man is very bad, and I have also vowed never to have anything to do with a married man.
Ma, I do come back from work by 9.45pm and before I could get home, they would have locked the gate, that I now have to knock for their house help to come and open gate for me. But for the past few days now I have been finding it difficult to get into the house when I get back from work, which I have to go look for somewhere to sleep. So, I decided to meet with them, for them to give me a spare key, but the man and the son said that never will they give me the key, that if I cannot come back home before 8pm, I should look for house elsewhere and pack out.
I pleaded but to no avail, so I have to plead with my boss to come and talk to them, which he did but they bluntly refused. The problem now is that, I just renewed my rent on January and they refused refunding me my money(the first time we paid, because I stay with a roommate, we were given a written note. But this time no such thing to say let me involve the police,as people suggested), and I can't stop my work, because it's helping me a lot. Looking for another house is out of it, because house in Owerri is very scarce and expensive, added that I don't have money at hand.
Please ma, I need you to tell me what to do, because am tired of this whole situations, from one problem to another, I have never been happy all my life. Thanks in anticipation.

Should I Persuade my Husband to go for a Deliverance?

Good afternoon madam, I must confess that this page has been a source of inspiration and guide to me since I found it. I am 33 years old and a year and half in marriage with a four months old daughter.
Recently my father had a health challenge, we noticed that he was having difficulty to pass urine, he was taken to the hospital and the doctor inserted a catheter to enable him pass urine, meanwhile the doctor recommended series of test, scan and x-ray to be carried out on him, of which nothing was diagnosed to be the problem, yet he couldn't pass urine without the aid.
Since medically nothing was found to be the problem, my eldest sister decided to go to a pastor to seek for solution spiritually. When she got there, the pastor told her that my father had a carnal affair with someone who is possessed. This came as a shock because my father who is a retired civil servant is disciplined, prayerful and spiritual. Since my father hardly associate, the only person we suspected that he was having the affair with was my 25 years old cousin who we lived in our family house to be taking care of my parents.
This same girl seduced my sister's husband who is a pastor and I am suspecting that she did the same to my husband when she came to assist me when I was pregnant. What led to my suspicions was the way my father, brother-in-law and husband were so much after her welfare. I want to confront my husband about that so that he can go for deliverance to avoid being afflicted with strange illness.

Should I Inform my In-law about what Transpired?

Dear Aunty Amara,

My name is A***, I recently got married to my wife this year.

I found out recently that she had not disclosed everything to me as regards her past so I started asking questions (I am this kind of person that is so inquisitive in nature) and to my greatest surprise, she revealed she had once been raped by a man who is supposedly a family friend (A son of her dad's friend)

This animal in human clothing started out by gaining her trust then took advantage of that, though he later apologised according to her. I asked if she briefed her father about the whole incident, she said NO due to the stigma attached to such situations.

I feel like keeping it to myself though it hurts, but if this should go unattended to, other innocent ladies could fall victims, I feel like its important I informed my in-law about what transpired. I am in a dilemma on what to do. Please advise me.

Thank you

Does He Love Me at All?

Good morning Aunt Amara.. I want to commend you for the good works you have done, thanks for mending broken marriages/ relationships and offering the best advice to singles. Aunt, please I want you to advice me on this...
I met a guy six months ago and we've been friends since then, he calls but not often, he is very humble and Godfearing , the period I met him was when he was still serving but he rounded up three months ago, right now he is running his private business.
We hanged out for three consecutive days but not in his house, but last week he invited me to his house which I went and when I was about leaving his house he didn't allow me to go, he embraced me saying he missed me so much and told me to sit on his lap which I wasn't really comfortable cos his Lazarus was up, he started romancing me and I told him to stop it but he didn't want to, that was when I stood up, picked my bag and was about leaving, he pleaded with me that he was sorry for his actions that I should forgive him that he didn't know what came over him, after apologising he gave me transport to go back.
Aunty I want to ask...does this guy love me at all? or is he lusting after my body? please help me out cos am so confused.

I Can't Endure Marriage with Him Anymore!

Hi ma, I Love the way you counsel people. I need your advice. I am 30 years old, I married at the age of 21 and blessed with four kids. When I wanted to marry my husband, I don't love him, I married him because he said God said I was his wife, so I decided to obey God, thinking I will try to love him.
He was not rich so don't think I married because he had money, in fact he was so poor that I borrowed my wedding gown not rented and the wedding was sponsored by committee of friends.
Ever since I married him, I hate to have sex with him, I can't remember the last time I kissed him, I sleep with him to fulfil all righteousness. The past nine years of marriage has been hell for me but he is not bad to me, he loves me but ma I don't find happiness with him.
Anytime I want to make myself happy, I visit friends but I have never slept with any other man. But the point now is I can no longer endure, but I feel for him and I don't want my kids to suffer and also what will people say. Please ma advice me.

Could it be that they are Dating?

Hi Aunty Amara, thanks for all your good work. My story is long but I'll try as much as I can to summarize. I have been married for seven years with three kids, my husband is so pretentious that you know him well.
It all started two years ago when I had my last baby, I discovered he's been cheating on me with a particular girl. On enquiring from him, he beat me up, and since then he has beaten me more than six times now just because of the same girl. I feel so down emotionally cos I really trusted my hubby to a fault. He saved the girl's number with a male's name, and when I called the number, the girls sent me a message pretending to be an engineer.
The thing now is my husband claimed to have changed yet he still communicate with her, the girl even requested that he buy her a car, and this was a man that claimed there was no money each time I requested for my children's upkeep. Each time we have misunderstanding, he goes about like he does not care, it's me that is always emotionally down. I love him so much and I don't want to do anything rash, all I want is for my love to be reciprocated.
Just recently I saw the text the girl sent to him with her account number inclusive requesting he sends money to her and the message sounded more like a command than a request. When I asked him, he flared up and walked out on me. He said they have not been talking and the message sounded otherwise and that he did not send any money to her. If actually he didn't, why then was he angry over it?
I have always read and heard about cheating men but with the way I trusted my husband, I never would have believed anyone if I was told. This is the same man that gets angry when bringing out money for his children's upkeep. Am so confused right now, could it be that they are still dating? Could it be that he never loved me and has been pretending all these years? Note.... He loves going to church and he's even the vice president of the excellent men in my church, he gets mad at me when I don't go to church. But his character does not show it, I have reported him to my pastor when it all started. Am tired, I don't know what to do.
I have caught him watching porn and he claimed that he is not a baby, why can he not watch porn movies, there was a time I listened to a record on his phone conversing with one of his friend and the whole conversation was how the guy is helping him to organise girls and he even spoke with the girl on the phone.
My husband can do things you can't even imagine,cos he comes back pretending all is well. What I don't understand now is his anger towards all these things. Is he simply taking advantage of me because he knows I'll still forgive him. He does not apologise nor show remorse, please I need your advice and that of your fans, am going crazy every passing day. Thanks.

He's Against my Convictions!

Good day ma, I have been a good follower of your platform and I have learnt a lot but ma I have a question .
I met a man currently in his early 30's and am in my mid 20's. During our discussion we shared about personal values, morals, temperament traits, love languages and many more. But according to him, his previous relationships were "horrible" likewise mine too. At least am a victim too but he is now taking it out on me, through the way he relates with me. To the extent that he told me that we will have sex before wedding and I told him my stand on it, but he insisted that the sex thing must happen before wedding. Aunty, I just told him that if he wants the wedding to take place, he should remove his mind from having sex before wedding, even to kiss, I told him until when the minister says, 'you can kiss the bride', then he can do it, he refused. He said there must be romance... Hmm Aunty am just confused. He is totally not in terms with my beliefs. Please ma I need your advice on this since emotions are not even involved yet.
Thanks, anticipating for your reply ma.

Am in Pains!

Good evening aunt... Please I need your advice on this issue. Am a 27 years old lady, have been in a relationship for two years now, was going smoothly. It all started last year, I notice the love is no longer there, his behaviours changed, I was now the one forcing myself on him cos I love him.
He talked to me rudely, he said we were going to get married, now he is changing his mind, he told me he is not ready, he even told me he did not promise any marriage that nobody is holding each other, have been through a lot just to make our relationship a success...
For days he won't call, I will be the one calling and chatting. Am in pains, don't know what to do, please ma I need your advise on how to go about this.

He's a Heavy Drinker!

Good day Aunty Amara, May God continue to bless you with divine wisdom that you've been using to handle our personal life issues. Here is my story, and ma sorry it might not be a short one. I am a lady in her late 20's and am married to a man in his early 30's too. My marriage recently clocked five years and I have two kids already, a boy and a girl.
The problem I have is my husband, I can't really say he loves me cos most of his attitudes leave me worried whether he truly loves me or not. Sometimes, I feel like just taking my stuffs away from the house and not coming back. These feelings are based on the fact that he is a heavy drinker, and talks so much after he must have consumed lots of alcohol with his friends.
I never liked any of his friends because they drink like he does and they were never the ones I met him with while we were still courting. We met in school during the university days and we courted for almost five years before I became pregnant and we got married. This is just for you to understand the background of the relationship. For all those years, I have never for once caught him in the act of drinking let alone drinking to stupor.
He comes home every night like that and when he comes, he starts abusing me verbally, after that he will want to make love with me. Most of the times, I reject him cos I can't stand the smell of alcohol. I support my family with the income I earn in a private company while he works alone as a contractor, so he has time for himself. Have discussed about this issue with him, with his mum when she came to help me in taking care of my nine months old child I had recently. I also called his elder brother because I couldn't stand the shame that will come with me reporting him to my mum. My dad is late, I lost him last year, I expected this man to be all I have as father but he's never there. He doesn't come home early, when he comes, he picks up a fight with me at any slight argument.
That being said, he doesn't even care for my needs, he pushes the whole responsibility of taking care of our nine months old baby only to me. I have cried, talked, called him, but he never sat for us to address issues but he always come to me at night for sex. I recently made a conclusion that I won't allow him touch me until we sit to talk about the issues in this marriage. Each time I reject him from touching me, he starts saying how much is sex that he can't get outside. This is the man I started life with from the scratch of having nothing, we never had anything when we got married, it was until I started working that things started taking a new turn and we got ourselves a car which I contributed the lump sum of the money used in purchasing the car. I told him to teach me how to drive so I can sometimes take the kids out with it but he's never ready, he prefers to go out with his friends than with myself and the kids.
I have tried all I could to talk to this man but he's seeing me as a nag. What hurts me most is when he's drunk, he abuses my mum anyhow he likes, because my mum is known to be very strict and as such doesn't tolerate any of his arrogant attitude. Aunty Amara, I am tired of this marriage, I have lost my self esteem, I am bitter at heart, I want to make it work but he's never ready. I don't know what other approach to use. Sometimes, I just feel like leaving the house maybe when I leave he will know my worth. I forgot to make mention of when I saw a condom in the car, I asked what he was doing with it and he said it was his friend he kept it for. He just gave me a very funny answer that day. Most of the times, when he's drunk and picks up on me, he mentions that am such a mistake in his life. This is the man we struggled together, I supported with everything I have, I fasted and prayed for him to become a better person, even when my own friends wondered why I married a man who had nothing. I am tired. I don't know if I should leave the house with my daughter and leave him with the other son of ours who is 5 years old.

He Has a Nasty Attitude!

Hi aunty Amara ,please I need an advice. I really enjoy your updates and the way you help people. Am 25 years old, I started dating at 22. My first boyfriend left me two years ago after two years of dating to marry another after one month he called me to breakup with me. It was hard on me because I can't trace any problem from the relationship that will make him do that,he also said same thing, that I have no problem but he didn't know how it happened (he was 32 then).
After some months, I moved into another in order to get my mind off him. It worked anyway but with prayers. I have actually dated two guys in space of one year.
Recently I broke up with the last one because of his nasty attitude of not talking to me for days and week if we have issue as he calm, because the issue to me is irrelevant. If I try joking with him, or didn't call when am supposed he gets angry and he won't let me know until it is dawn on him to talk to me. I remember him telling me earlier that he has an unforgiving heart, his sibling are afraid of hurting him(last child). But he is a good guy. I took this decision after the last attitude of not picking my calls for close to one week and I was writing my final exam.
Please Aunty Amara am I wrong to make the decision? To be sincere I have not been in love after the first one.. I just want to concentrate and fall in love again for real.

Not Comfortable Living in his Family House!

Hello aunty Amara good morning. My name is O***, have been married for a year and five months though am yet to take in. Aunty there is this issue that have been bothering my mind and has really been making me feel very uneasy and it also causes issues between I and my husband.
Since the day we got married we have been living in the house his father built, though the father is late but the mum is alive and my husband is the second son. So we live in the family house with his mum and elder sis who is retarded. Others live in other states but do come down for visits and business.
Ma, I just want to know if it is really proper for us to continue living in this house. I want us to get an apartment of our own and have our own home but he said since he stays here in Nnewi and is the only son on ground that he thinks he should stay here and God has also asked him to stay here.
But ma no matter how I try to reason and accept it, am not comfortable with this whole issue and am not happy with it. Am just confused and I trust with the help of the Holy Spirit you can help advice me. Thank you very much.

My Girlfriend is Against my Vision!

I am 29 years old and I have been in a relationship for ten years. I started dating my girlfriend since my second year in the university and we continued even after we left the university. My intention has always been to marry her which she and her family are aware of. She is also my family friend, she used to come to my house and spend days with my family at her free will. I have done non measurable sacrifice for her due to the fact that I see her as my own self and also because I want to marry her. We have had serious issues which even involved both families but this never drove me to break-up with her but she see break-up as a way out of problems.
Am not a perfect guy, my girlfriend is very jealous and have issues with insecurity and that has always been a major cause of our issues. She is 29 years old, beautiful, intelligent and good but she sees every woman as a threat. After graduating from the university, I got a job but my salary was never enough to start a family and my dream has always been to go aboard and do my Msc program which paid off last year. I have been out of the country for one year doing my MSC programme and God has been merciful to me. I work, school and pay my bills but still am not doing bad financially like when I was still in Nigeria. The issue at hand is that I have saved some amount of money and I told my girlfriend I want to invest the little I have saved in something that will benefit both of us in future and visit Nigeria next year and marry her or do some stuffs like introduction but she refused and said that I don't have good intentions towards her and that she wants to get married this year and if I can't visit Nigeria this year to marry her I should forget her.
Barely six months I went aboard, my girlfriend left me and started dating someone else whom I have always believed was just a friend, prior to the breakup we had no issues, she left me because she felt that what we had is not a relationship and her new guy was ready to marry her as soon as possible but after some months she pleaded with me and I accepted her back in my life. I communicate with her regularly, I try to support her financially and materially.
Please Aunty is it wrong for me to decide to invest the little I have saved in landed properties and postpone my visit to Nigeria next year? I expected my girlfriend to be happy that I have the vision to save and invest rather than squandering the money on worthless things. Today I feel insecure to share any intention of mine with her which does not pertain to marriage since that is the most paramount thing in her life now.

He Pushed me out of his Apartment!

Good morning aunty Amara, I am an ardent reader here. I have a problem. I visited my man yesterday and he collected my phone and started reading my messages knowing very well that I chat with people there but the truth is so many of them are inviting me to come to their places but I have never seen or slept with them. I met my man since last year and am proud to say that I have never slept with any other man except him. After reading my Facebook messages, he came to me and told me to leave his house the next morning, that it's over between us, that I shouldn't call him in my life again. I tried to make him understand that am only chatting with them for chatting sake, begged him all through the night but he threatened to throw me out. The next morning, he came to me and told me to start preparing, I started begging again but he wouldn't listen to me.. He pushed me out of his apartment and I left.
Having gotten to my house, I called him that I can change my phone number, I can give him my Facebook password, I can open a new Facebook account but he refused, he said I should let him be that I am a harlot, a liar. I met him since last year and ever since then, I have been visiting him, he has never given me money for my transportation fares or for my welfare, but the truth is that I have never complained before about him because he is not working for now.
Whenever I want to cook for him, I'll cook with my money, bought provisions and foodstuffs for him. Now, he does not want me again just because I am chatting with people who admired my curves and wanted us to see.. I am confused now.. I don't know what to do. Please aunty Amara, help me, thank you..

He Doesn't want me to Complete my Education!

Please ma I need your advice, I met this guy almost four years ago and we are planning of introduction next month and wedding by December God's willing but the problem is that he doesn't wants me to complete my education.
I did diploma and I applied for Direct Entry this year and he's telling me that my parent are asking him whether he's going to further my education and that he doesn't want what they are saying about my education, that what if he says marriage or school which one will I choose? Please ma help me

He's a Horrible Cheat!

Please read and advise if you can.
I have a problem that bothers me a lot and I'd like to share it with you and I'd appreciate if you advised me.. I am 24 years old, married and I have a son who's almost five months.. I am an unhappy woman. I wedded sometime in November 2013, I dated my husband for about two years before we tied the knot.. The problem here is that I never knew my husband would change and be a horrible cheat.. Since the day after he paid my bride prize, it's been one problem after another... One woman after another..
Okay after our wedding, he travelled to Abu Dhabi and stayed for about five months.. Those five months I was with his parents serving these people like slaves yet they would manage to find a fault and discuss it... When my husband came back in May, Kai there's nothing I didn't see... Chats with this girl, that girl, nude pictures, telling them he's single and stuff, planning a meet up with them... I confronted him... His family especially his mom and siblings took it upon themselves to frustrate me asking why I'd go to his phone.. I decided that day that I'd never take my problems to anyone, this happened in 2014..
We moved to our own house in a different state. I was still a student so I wasn't always around but I tried my best to be home at least weekends and I told hubby to visit too.. Each time I come back, my dear husband would be acting so fishy pretending to be nice and stuffs... On a fateful day I discovered he had this separate phone and sim I don't know of... I confronted him.. He apologized...same story, it continued.. I'll be on my own different ladies would be like stay clear from my man.. Lol, I'd be like if only you knew... In my calm state I explained to those that want to hear... On an occasion one told me of her sexcapade with hubby... I was furious.. I took in early 2015 and he was never supportive.. It was then the cheating wore cap cos it was badddd. Meanwhile I never told my own family of all these cos I believed people change... It was in August 2015 I confronted hubby about not taking care of me that he called my mum and told her that I'm harassing him.. My mum called me and with a broken heart I wept and narrated my ordeal.. Chai my mum wept cos I kept all these away from her. Did I mention that since I confirmed I missed my period my husband has never had sex with me till date. No problem I didn't complain...
He travelled to US in October and in January one of the girls he lied to when he was in Abu Dhabi contacted me and forwarded her chats with my husband.. My husband wrote disheartening things about me and yet again I confronted him.. This time I told my mum... His mum called and was shouting at me that I am stressing her son.. Chai I cried and cried... My son was two months then and he automatically refused breastmilk.. I still forgave him and when he came back in April that same day I discovered his chat with another woman who he had appointments with. And another one he was to meet on the day of his return and others...
Well that day I took my son and left for my parents house.. He came and apologized and said it was never happening again... I went back... Oh my dear lord same story... I'm just tired...I'm not talking about his family that don't have simple regard for me... His mother is a troublesome woman and a meddlesome person as well as his sisters. I'm fed up... I got a job and now I've decided I'd never talk to him again... I've prayed, fasted, hoped, believed... I don't know.. I'd appreciate if you advised me cos I can't divorce him, his family will take my son, my sweat.. And again it's not Biblical.. I don't know what's happiness is anymore.. And worse is I put to bed via CS.. Help me.

I'm Losing my Patience Everyday!

Bless you ma, please I'll need your advise on how to handle this issue. I am a 29 years old lady in a relationship with a 31 years old guy for like three years now and though it's a long distant relationship, God has been helping us. It's a Godly relationship, recently things took a different turn, he started acting cold which is unlike him. Immediately I noticed, I kept asking to know what's wrong but he told me it's family pressure but the change in attitude persisted and I asked again, this time around he said the relationship is boring and I was a bit shocked to hear that, but I managed to go on with the conversation.
Afterwards (a week later) my younger sister was hospitalised and I was informed she needed to be taken in for surgery, I felt I should inform him at least his words of encouragement and prayers would help but all he said was eyaa when I pinged him, and he didn't call to ask how successful the surgery went and out of annoyance a day later, I sent him a text telling him that I don't understand his attitude and I think it's best I free him to go and get the kind of relationship he desires. After that text things weren't the same anymore, he called crying, telling me how just a little change in attitude, I gave him red card without giving him a chance, that he explained he was under pressure and all that, though I felt bad that I overreacted sending that text of which I apologised. It has not been easy since this issue happened two months ago, his brother and sister whom he informed about my actions called to confirm what happened and when I explained they all concluded he pushed me to the action I took, that he went too far and they were all on my side including the mum, though they tried to apologise on my behalf for my action, my elder sister inclusive.......
I asked him to know his mind about us if he is has forgiven and is letting go of the hurt, he said he has forgiven but why was I insistent on knowing his mind, do I have anyone on standby, I need to give an answer to him urgently, so I decided not to press further. When we spoke later on, he said we should both go and seek God's face that too much talks entering marriage is not good, so right now we seem to be on break, after that the communication dropped, he pinged once in a while and calls once in a while and I try to communicate too, last week he sent me two songs, one of it says ''love can build a bridge and the second is ''i am never going to say goodbye, I swear to you my love will remain'' both by Westlife. He called to ask if I got the song and if I enjoyed it, I said yes, but things are not like before and somehow I am getting tired of the whole thing, in fact the sister called few days ago to ask, and when I told her we hardly communicate. she wasn't happy even my sister, I am more confused now because since this issue started guys that asked me out in the past which I turned down have all woken up and all disturbing me. It's getting to two months and I don't know if he is still seeking God's face cos he just paused me in a position and I hate it..........
He has been a wonderful person, a source of encouragement and strength, he is nice, but don't know why things are like this now.... This April, he was supposed to come and see my parents after my exam because am running my masters program presently, I finished the exams last week and things are still the same..... I am praying about the issue but just losing my patience by the day, please what do you advise me to do? I don't want to overreact again. Thanks and remain blessed ma.

Should I Donate Without my Husband's Consent?

Years back, after my fiance (now my husband) introduced me to his family and relation, this couple that is related to my fiance(now my husband) told me they wanted me to be their egg donor for an IVF, test revealed the wife's egg was weak due to age, and they don't want to adopt. Again the person they have as egg donor was not accepted by their doctor due to age, and money for hospital donor was not available then, as price for IVF was already on a high side. I accepted, told them not to tell anyone including my fiance then.
This was because,
(1) I felt I was not yet married to him,
(2) He may not like the idea,
(3) If in future(after marriage) we start having challenges in conception, he may relate it to that.
After everything, to God be the glory, it was successful, putting smiles on the face of couple trying to conceive for about five years.
Now the woman told me some time last year, that they tried for another IVF, with a hospital donor but was not successful. I would love to help this couple again if need arise after my last child(before next year runs out)by the grace of God. My concern is that, it is not possible to embark on that again without my husband's knowledge, since the process demands commitment and sacrifice.
My questions are,
(1) Since it is impossible to embark on it again without my husband's knowledge, is there any possibility of him(my husband)tracing it back to the fact that I have something to do with the woman's first issue, since most people including my husband always say the child looked like me? Note: I don't want anybody to know including my husband, because I don't know what he might be forced to think of me for leaving him out of it.
(2) Should I remove my heart from helping again if she comes back for such? If yes, please how do I handle it, if possible convince her to adopt. Her child is about 6 years old. Thank you!

Could it be that She's Tired of Me?

Hello Aunty Amara... Please I need your help.. There is this girl that I really like, she also confessed to liking me. When I asked her out, she said she would need more time to sort out a few things, which I agreed.. But of recent, she has changed abruptly. She doesn't reply all my messages, even if she does, her answers will be a one end reply that I can't continue further...
She used to be the one to send me good morning messages, but now she has ceased.. She now uses those annoying short replies. Though she said she has a problem of recent, that she didn't want to tell me about... My question is, should I keep pursuing her? Or I should let her be, because she doesn't relate with the way she used to.. Could it be she is tired of me? Please I need your help..

Part of me Want Him Back but I'm Scared!

Hello aunty Amara, I'm an ardent reader of your page. I really need your advice and that of your fans because I feel terribly hurt right now.
I'm a young lady in my 20s, I met this guy in the year 2011 and we were friends for about a year then we started dating; it wasn't a relationship I enjoyed because we hardly see and the communication was bad because he was always busy with work. We saw like once or twice a month, it went on for a year and half then I decided to call it quit because it wasn't working, we hardly talk,chat or see. I wanted my friend back, we became friends again but I guess the relationship affected our friendship a bit.
Due to some reasons I can't really remember we lost contact, I tried sending him messages on Facebook but he's been offline for a long time.
He called me last year and apologized for everything, his phone was stolen and when he got a new new one he didn't have my number anymore, until he met a friend of mine by chance and got it from her.
We started chatting, calling and then we saw again and again. He works in a new place and he had more time to spare and was settled. To cut the story short, we started dating again, this time he was more loving, caring in fact he was just perfect and I fell so much in love with him. My family and friends knew him, I was proud of him. I might have been in a couple of relationships in the past but everything seemed different with him. I really love him.
I went to his house during the Easter period to spend a week with him, he went out one morning to get some food stuff from the market, aunty this guy cleans, wash, cook and pet me so much. I was home alone but then I started looking for what to do to keep myself busy till he returns. I went to the wardrobe to look for any dirty cloth so I'll help him wash them, I saw just one, the cloth looked old and I haven't seen him on it before, I took it to wash but before that I searched the pockets and what I saw baffled me. I saw a birth certificate of a baby boy delivered late last year and the name of the baby's mother was my boyfriend's ex, I also saw receipt of the medical payment he made while she was at the hospital.
Aunty if I say I was shocked I guess that'll be an understatement. I neatly folded the papers back and waited for him to come. When he came back he didn't say anything so I asked him if there's anything he feels I should know, he said he has something he'd want to tell me but he's waiting for the right time. Then I asked him if he had a child with his ex he was surprised but answered yes, I felt miserable and hurt. I left his house the next day and since then he has been calling to beg and apologize.
I really don't know what to do now because a part of me still want him back but I'm scared that he might have other secret he's keeping from me and I don't think I'm ready to compete with anybody for his love and attention since the lady in question is equally young and according to him she's trying to trap him with the baby cos I guess she still loves him.

He Doesn't Care!

Aunt Amara good evening...May God continue to bless you for me, you are indeed a role model to us all.. Aunty, there is this man that is in love with me and I love him too, we have actually dated for three months now. He is 30 years while I'm 25 years but the problem I have with him is that he claims to love me but he doesn't care, nothing about me matters to him at all even if I'm going astray.
Sometimes I would want to test him to know his actions like telling him I'm going to visit another guy and his response would be that I should go that, that's my life and that he can't stop me, I feel so confused and insecure.. He hardly call to know how I'm doing except I call him but whenever I bring up the issue of breaking up with him, he keeps pleading for me not to go.. Sometimes he won't plead he will just say okay no problem, that he is tired of pleading...
He is currently doing his masters and I'm trying so hard to see that he succeeds, I even had to go the extent of bringing materials for him from my school to support his study... Seriously it's as though I'm losing and he is winning, currently I decided I wont give those materials any longer to him to help him out in his masters because he pleaded I help him out with it... Please aunt I need your advice, I want to let him be, please tell me how to go about this... I'm sorry for the long text...You are the best aunt.

Love or Abuse?

Deceit is when you admire other beautiful women who are well put together but lie to your wife that you love her haggard self. You know what you are doing. It's either you don't want to spend money on her or you are too low in self-esteem that you believe she will follow other men once she dresses well or goes out. The very moment she steps out of the house, you become a call center and God save her if she fails to answer her phone. From work you call her and the poor woman was famished and needed some rest, the master quickly concludes that she is with another man. She's not even allowed to give men a handshake.

You monitor her calls and social media pages and she's not allowed to see yours. You are on social media enjoying with her fellow women but ordered her to quit. You are simply a wicked man.

You admire career women and even praise them, but you are not ready to let your wife go. You see other women as better, but you are not ready to let her be herself in her career because she must serve "the master". Other men encourage their wives and help push them into greatness, but you won't set yours free. Your friends are men whose wives are either slaves or women with no vision, as long as they throw money at the woman, she should be happy. Odiegwu.

You started a big business for her and she couldn't run it. Well done sir. Did you try to find out what she loves doing? Why do you think that everyone is cut out for your buying and selling thing? You should let a woman have the final say when it comes to her vision, she's an adult like you.

You probably want her a full time housewife who has no life of her own, all because of your lack of self-confidence.
What you don't know is that when you place your woman very high, it's difficult for men to reach her. When you help her soar, not everything gets her attention. But when you shatter her dreams and keep her idle, she becomes vulnerable to anything. A good number of women are just living in the shadow of their master. They have so much in them for their world, but can't give any out because the "lord" must be obeyed. And you know the funny thing? It's very decent women who often go through this mess. Some even married as virgins but the cassanova they married won't let them be.

Oh Pharoah, let my sisters go! If you go on treating her the way you do because of fear, that which you fear most may come upon you.

How Do I Bear this Shame?

Good evening ma, thanks for how you've been helping people solve their problem.. I've been an ardent follower in this forum.. I met this guy seven years ago when I was in school and I have visited him when I was in school though I've not been close to him cos we stay in different states..
Recently I visited and we had sex though with protection which was against my will.. I don't know how it happened but I think am pregnant.. I've been calling him to tell him but he's not been picking his calls and he sent text that he will call me back but he hasn't called..
Am so scared cos am not getting younger anymore.. I will be 32 years by May.. I don't know how to bear the shame and what people will think of me if he rejects me .. I already feel bad cos am a disappointment to God (cos I'm a music minister in church).. I need your motherly advice cos am really losing my mind in order not to do something stupid..
Thanks for your time ma.

I Don't Like her at All!

Hello aunty Amara good morning .. Please I really need your advice.. There is this girl in our street, I normally went to their shop to buy something. Around 8pm, her mother was beating her mercilessly and she ran to me for help. I don't know what to do. I took her inside my house and went to their shop to plead with her mother to forgive her, so after long begging she accepted.
When I returned back, I asked the girl to go home, she refused, i tried forcing her but she pleaded with me to let her pass the night in my house. So after a long thought, I accepted. So in the night, one thing lead to another we had SEX(choi). After some days she told me that she was pregnant, I accepted the responsibility because I don't want to abandon a women in that condition because my mother narrated to me how she was abandoned by my father when she was pregnant, and I don't want to put any women in that condition..
She is very beautiful, but I don't want to marry her because I don't like her at all.. I have tried to develop any feeling for her but it's not working, I get angry whenever I see her face. I really don't want to commit anymore sin and I don't want to kill an innocent child also...
Please friends advice me on what to do in this matter. Thank you so much.

All my Effort is in Futility!

Good morning to you ma and all AVL fans. Please the tension in my almost two years old marriage is getting stronger by the day. It all started after my husband lost his job and we had to relocate to stay with his mum. Before he lost his job I was in the UK for my studies, we relocated two months after I got back with our now twenty months old son. I don't know if it's the situation but his attitude and behaviour towards me has changed so much that it gets me scared.
He doesn't care about how I feel, doesn't appreciate anything I do, he speaks to me without respect even in public and misunderstands every statement I make. Even when I try to make his best dishes or buy him gifts to cheer him up, the only thing I get is a murmured thank you. The only thing he does is wake up every morning take his bath and leave the house, he doesn't come back until its past 10pm, sometimes till midnight. When I ask why he's returning so late he gives flimsy excuses sometimes none at all, so I decided to stop asking and not look like a nag. Right now I am 30 weeks pregnant, and he isn't helping out at all, I have to run around my toddler from morning till night, he never ask how am doing or even realize that I am pregnant and need a break sometimes. Thanks to my sisters and mum-in-law who helps out a times.
What prompted me to write here is that two days ago we had a big quarrel about his coming home late. He came home at 12am, I was already asleep, he called me to come and open the gate for him which I did, I came back to continue my sleep without asking if he's going to eat. He turned around to say that each time he comes back I barely ask if he will eat, that very soon he will stop eating at all. That statement got me very angry because no matter how tired I might be, whenever he comes back I give him food, sometimes I even call him to ask what he will eat so I can prepare it before he gets back.
I cried but he didn't care, the only thing he asked me is that, so it's his coming late that is making me angry, and I asked so he expected me to go to the kitchen at this time in my condition. From that night till now we have barely spoken.
Please ma, I need your advice. I pray to God daily to take away every anger and resentment I feel towards him and bless me with endurance and tolerant spirit to continue putting up with this because it seems like all my effort to make it work is futile.
Am sorry for the long story and happy Sunday everyone.

How Do I Pay Her Off?

Good day ma, I appreciate your good works and may God bless you. Ma, I have been in a relationship with a girl since 2012, she is all I wanted in woman just that she is short 5.2ft' and I am 5.4ft and she is insulting and I tried to end the relationship but she always begged me, even when she caught me with other girls she beg me to stay with her, she love me so much but I don't, she is beautiful.
In 2013, she gave me N340,000 for my visa because then I was struggling, so I travelled out and I stopped all communications with her and even blocked her on Facebook because she talked as though she owned me, like am her slave because she gave me money. I am back in Nigeria and I want to settle down and I am thinking of giving her back her money and move on, she is 25 years old and still single.. I don't know what to do because she still hope I will marry her. I need advice ma thanks.

Our Sex Life Borders Me!

Hi, aunty Amara just want to commend you on the great job you're doing helping people find solutions to their problems. My story is kind of lengthy please bear with me. l have been married for four years now and blessed with two beautiful kids, my husband is a wonderful man and father. Before marriage, just the sight of him could turn me on but after we got married I found out he loves watching porn and loves chatting with women on social media, very flirty and sexually explicit conversations that would make anyone think he was sleeping with them to the extent of requesting for naked pictures.
It's so bad that ladies he introduces to me as friends are actually some of the people he chats with. Whenever I complained, he gets angry asking why I went through his phone and his reply was usually "it's just chat nothing else, you are my wife, they are just friends". Even when I suggest he chats with me in that way rather than with ladies on social media, I get the same reply. Sometimes he deletes me from his BBM or Facebook, then re-adds me when he feels like.
Whenever he's to travel, he informs one of them where he's logded. This made me angry and felt I wasn't good enough for him, our sex life took a drastic down low cos every time he tries to initiate sex, I feel I won't be good enough and he is always in such a hurry to go in deep that it hurts and when I complain, he says I don't like sex.
Our sex life is so bad that it bothers me. After our second child, I found out I was circumcised and he says that was why I don't enjoy sex that I have low libido so he has given up on sex. I feel he's getting it somewhere because most Friday nights he gets home as late as 3am. I have begged him to help me so we can work through it together but he bluntly said there's nothing that will help my low libido.
Am a stay at home mom with no help cos am scared he'll become too friendly with the help. Most times am sad and depressed cos I keep thinking if am not beautiful or sexy enough to make him stop.
Also my younger sister stays with us and she sometimes has this attitude of frowning and being moody for reasons best know to her, sometimes she's rude and unapologetic for her behaviour. My family has tried talking, shouting and advising her but it's all to no avail. She murmurs greetings when the mood swing take over and my husband says she's rude and think my family is trying to pamper her but we have tried all we can to make her change but nothing is happening. He hates the sight of her and complains at every little thing she does saying she insults him in his house and I condone it.
Now he keeps saying she should leave his house, please Aunty Amara help me what can I do to increase my libido and how do I handle my husband and sister. Am so tired and confused. Thanks.